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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So today I just sort of lost it at practice preschool, after parent session was over. The topic today was potty training. I just started sort of thinking, this nagging thought that has been in the back of my mind for the longest time, and suddenly just sort of jumped to the surface and showed itself and all my fears along with it. Since ds was little, everyone has commented on how "smart" he appears. Stupid, yes, I know. He was/is always closely examining/inspecting things, and you could really see his little gears turning when you give him an interesting/new object. When we got the autism dx, I took comfort in the fact that lots of therapists said he's "probably" high functioning, but we won't know until he's older.

The fact of the matter is, for the longest time, there's been a little nagging worry that what if he's not high functioning? What if he can never live independently? What if he is one of the children who will grow to be a severely autistic adult, incapable of independent living?

You get these thoughts and dreams into your head, and they are somewhat shattered when you get the autism dx. But then there's a ray of hope...he may be high functioning. Capable of living a fully independent life, maybe even going to college. I personally am fine with him being socially awkward in exchange for being able to live independently and function as an adult. I never had dreams of my child being the most popular kid in school. My dreams were nerd dreams, dreams of him going to college, of being gifted like me and dh, of being one of the "smart" kids and getting a good job, taking after his dad and excelling at math, liking things like nature and camping (he loves the outdoors) and science.

But it has been occurring to me more and more, none of those things may happen, and I cannot keep pinning my hopes on the possibility that he is "high functioning," because what if he's not?

I have always held in my heart the hope that my child, no matter who he becomes, no matter what he does for a living, no matter who he loves, that he is happy and loved and knows he is loved. That's it. But lately...I guess I'm doing a little grieving for the fact that I really and truly may have to let all those "nerd" dreams go. That my child may never go to college. That my child may never be mainstreamed. That he may never get married or have a serious relationship.

I don't know what my problem is, or why all of this is coming out today suddenly, but there it is.

:
 

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(((HUGS)))

I'm not sure what to say. But ever since Dd tried to hurt me I've started to have simulare thoughts floating through my head.

I wish I could say something that owuld make you feel better.


(((HUGS)))
 

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Finch, Finch, Finch!

It will be okay, really! One way or another, he'll always be your boy and he'll be awesome. Really. Although I know sometimes it can seem interminable.

He will very likely be fine. There are sooooo many people being diagnosed with autism these days that even very low-functioning people are likely to be integrated into higher education and have relationships. Also, most of the improvements that take a person from "low" to "high" functioning occur in adolescence, so why borrow trouble now? Am I making you feel better, or worse?

Here... have some, you know, supportiveness, and stuff.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Individuation View Post
Here... have some, you know, supportiveness, and stuff.
Hala, pregnancy does good things for you.


I know he'll always be my baby, and I truly will love him no matter what, of course. I just am having a hard time accepting the fact that he may not be nearly as "high functioning" as originally thought, and the road that lies ahead of us suddenly seems scary and insurmountable.

Ah, you edited while I was replying. That last little bit does make me feel better. I didn't know that some more moderate to severely affected kids could be integrated into higher education. Stupid of me I know. I'm still sorta finding my way on this autism path.
 

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Finch,

I have had some of the same thoughts, but really, it's just too early to start putting yourself though that. Don't borrow trouble. You CAN'T KNOW, at this stage, where he will be as a young adult. THere are far too many variables between here and there.

You know what my neurologist told me? He said that he didn't know the cure for autism. He didn't even know what treatment to recommend. But he DID KNOW that the kids who improved were the ones with parents who tried SOMETHING, ANYTHING. It's the parents who kept working on recovery that got the recovery.

I met a lady the other night whose younger brother is autistic. He's 22, and his parents did VERY LITTLE in the way of recovery. Nothing beyond the school system and speech therapy. The young man is in college learing to become a pilot. A PILOT!

Did you see this weeks NEWSWEEK? It's about when kids with autism grow up. Haven't read it yet, but plan on picking it up today.
 

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Hi there...

I can totally relate to where you are right now. I have been thinking the same thing lately. I think sometimes that the reason why Ive been taking all of this as well as I have is because I'm still firmly in the land of denial as to how life changing all of this will realy be and how severely he may be affected. My husband and I both have been. In fact yesterday I was asking him when we are going to tell his family and he stated that we can talk to his parents but no one else because he doesnt want them to look at our son any differently and "besides, I believe that we will move, get him the services he needs and he will be just like the other kids someday." Then it hit me...he has NO idea, and then it hit me that I really dont either. Its possible that he will be pretty close to all the other kids, and its possible that he will be high functioning, but its possible that he wont too. And we are obviously not prepared for that. Maybe no one is. I think it might just be something that you settle into over the years, or maybe it can hit you all at once some day. I dont know. I just have to believe that anything can happen and we just have to keep plugging away at it.

How are you feeling? I'm sure youre looking as beautiful as ever. Call me or write me anytime.

Nik
 

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I feel the same way from time to time. On tough days when he's reverting to all the old behaviors that had seemed to be improving, or just when I 'm stressed out. But all in all, he's doing great and I know he's going to be OK no matter what.

It's natural and normal to have doubts and be afraid. I worry a lot that I'll be in my 70s caring for Elijah, then he goes and does something amazing like trying to play a piano and doing a pretty tune and exclaiming, "That's Yuv-yee, Music Yuv-Yee!"...and I know there is going to be a place for him somewhere in society.
 
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