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<b>WARNING -- traumatic c-sec birth story</b><br><br><br><br>
On Monday, I went in for my regular OB appointment. I wasn’t even supposed to have this appointment. Since I was scheduled for a c-section on Friday, one OB had not asked me to come in that week, while another one did. It turns out that this was all part of the plan in making sure that our daughter would live.<br><br>
I hadn’t felt much movement since Sunday morning, but I attributed this to her being bigger and not having much room (one week before I was told she was about 8.5 pounds). I mentioned this to the doctor and her face changed. She looked very concerned. I had an NST which showed no movement in 20 minutes, and her heart rate was steady but shallow. She did an ultrasound, which showed that my amniotic fluid was very low.<br><br>
She immediately sent me to Labor & Delivery. At one point there were four nurses and three doctors in there, all coming at me and doing different things. They had monitors on me and were poking the baby in the head from inside to try to rouse her, but the ultrasound showed no movement at all. Kevin came from work, and they had me out of the room before he had time to change into his scrubs. Putting in the spinal took a looooong time. The anesthesiologist couldn’t find a good spot and was causing me a good bit of pain trying to. I was shaking so badly that it was hard to hold still. My OB asked if I was cold or nervous; I said, “Both.” I was absolutely terrified and crying. She was the best, though. She stroked my hair and held my hands, telling me what a great job I was doing and how strong I was. They put some warm blankets around me, and the anesthesiologist was finally done. I got numb very quickly, before I was even fully laying down.<br><br>
They brought in Kevin, and I tried hard not to cry while the OB got started. They had her out of me so quickly. We only heard one tiny, quiet cry and then they took her into the other room, and Kevin went with her. He says she was white when she came out. They took her to the NICU while the OB finished stitching me up, and then I went to recovery. My friend Emily was with me in my room, and Kevin came in shortly, but he was very red faced and crying. He asked Emily to leave the room, and I fully expected that he was going to tell me that the absolute worst had happened. What he told me was that she was very small, 4 pounds 14 ounces, and that she was not breathing on her own. She had aspirated meconium. I still somehow felt that she would be okay.<br><br>
As soon as I could move my legs and toes, they wheeled me into the NICU to see her. She looked so tiny, but so beautiful. She has such a sweet round face, and of course, I was instantly in love with her. It was hard to see my baby with tubes going in and coming out of her. I never could have imagined all this would happen.<br><br>
Once, the night after she was born, she did smile when she heard my voice. She knew me! Whenever I would talk to her through the portholes in her isolette, she wiggled her feet and arms and tried to focus on my face. On Wednesday, I was allowed to hold her on lap with all the tubes and monitors still attached to her. I sat there for an hour and sang to her. I sang “Blackbird” by the Beatles because that’s what I sang to Corbin. I sang “The Valley” because it’s my favorite Jane Siberry song. I nearly choked on “You rise every morning wondering what in the world will the world bring today/Will it bring you joy or will it take it away?” I sang the only song that I know all the words to: Elvis Costello’s “Oliver’s Army.” That song described exactly how I was feeling all this week: “I would rather be anywhere else but here today.” We were absolutely shocked at where we were and how our lives had been turned upside down on one Monday in April.<br><br>
The next couple days were a blur as we learned more about newborn health and hypoxia and brain bleeds and EEGs, MRIs, MRVs, MRAs, and other alphabet soup acronyms than we ever wanted to know. Tuesday morning she had a seizure. After a brain ultrasound on Thursday, we were told that there was blood in her brain and that there was “moderate” brain damage. The worst night of our lives. We were both so distraught, so devastated by this news. We didn’t know what to do, what to think, what to ask. By this point, we were so overwhelmed with information that we just didn’t know anything anymore. The neonatologist and neurologist were encouraged by her alertness and activity the day before and by her “appropriate responses” to sound, touch, and having her diaper changed.<br><br>
Friday, 4/20: The day Pippa was scheduled to have been born. The good news is that we finally got a bit of a break today from all the bad news. This morning she had her MRI, MRV, and MRA. The results were good and encouraging. Her veins and arteries looked good and there were no clots. The MRI gave us the best news. The CT scan yesterday showed the blood in her brain, but the MRI showed that the blood is mostly in the fluid sacks, not in the brain tissue itself. This means that there is less damage than they thought yesterday. There is some tissue damage, but the doctor called it "pinpoints of damage," which of course is much better than the large area of damage we were dealing with last night. The two radiologists disagree on exactly the extent of this, but I am just going on the assumption that things are much better than we all initially thought. They are decreasing her oxygen, but tonight had to give her some more platelets and a medication to assist in clotting.<br><br>
Saturday, April 21, morning: I just talked to Sam, Pippa's nurse for today. She said that she is doing really well. She is on 40% oxygen, while she was on 92% yesterday! She had to have more platelets last night, but they have stayed up. This morning they will be lowering her sedation, so I can't wait to see how much more responsive she will be. And here's something I am really happy about: Today they will start doing a "trickle feed." It's not for any nutritive value; it's to get her stomach and intestines primed for eating. And they will be using the breastmilk that I have been pumping and freezing. Yay!! I know this will help her immensely.<br><br>
Saturday, April 21, afternoon: We saw our girl this afternoon. They have cut her sedation in half, but she was pretty sleepy. It might just be her downtime for the day. They cut back more on the ventilator, and they gave her 2mL of breastmilk through a feeding tube in her nose. They will do this at every 12 (midnight and noon) and 6 (p.m. and a.m.). They think in two days she will be off the ventilator, but will then be on a CPAP machine until she can breathe completely on her own. I can't wait to be able to see her whole face better then! While we were there, the nurse brought Corbin some paper and markers to draw some pictures for her. She put them up on the wall.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I am holding you and Pippa and your whole family in my thoughts and prayers.
 

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I am so sorry for your baby. Will keep you in my thoughts<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
keep us posted
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/candle.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Candle"> Pippa <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/candle.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Candle">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> - Hang in there mama! We will be praying for her!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> Oh my goodness, how frightening! Sweet Pippa is in my thoughts and I hope she grows stronger every day. I hope you are recovering too.
 

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I will keep Pippa, you and your family in my prayers<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I cant imagine what you are going through.
 

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Little Pippa everyone here is praying and holding you in their thoughts. Get well soon so your mama can hold you in her arms! Love to you little sweet baby. Mama take care and you will soon hold your baby.<br><br>
Melissa
 

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I hope Pippa makes it home soon!!<br>
Keep strong, she sounds like a little fighter!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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My thoughts are with you and your little one. I hope she makes it home soon! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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This morning Pippa's nurse, Sam, says that she had a little step back last night. She is back up to 70% on her oxygen because an x-ray showed some fluid in her lungs, but it wasn't bad. They are giving her Lasix to draw the fluid out.<br><br>
They also went up on her sedation because she seemed uncomfortable last night. Before I went to bed I was told that they opened the lid of her isolette because it was very hot in the room. So she might have just been overheated and uncomfortable.<br><br>
She is a little pale this morning because of all the blood they are constantly taking out of her for testing. She will probably need more platelets as well because she isn't producing her own red blood cells yet, which is normal for a baby.<br><br>
They said that she is not very alert right now because of the sedation, but also because it is normal for babies to withdraw when they are healing. It's their way of conserving energy to focus more on healing than interacting.<br><br>
Sam assured us that this is normal in healing process. She's not at a stage yet where it's better and better every day. We hope soon she will be there, but for now there will still be small steps backward and then more steps forward.<br><br>
Please keep praying and sending us good thoughts. I know that they are working.
 

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Welcome Baby Pippa!<br><br>
You are so right that the breast milk is such a good thing for her! It's hard to pump, but keep at it! Make sure you are getting your rest too! Your baby needs you!
 

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praying for health and healing <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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