[Boot]

Just curious what the unwritten rules are in your area when you go to the park or a play area. I.e. if you bring a toy does that mean it should be shared, do you help your child take turns, if another child wants a toy your child has what do you do? do you intervene with other children - that kind of thing. My area is very into sharing with toddlers but I've noticed that older kids (maybe 4 and up) often aren't supervised and they can be the ones who snatch from little kids or push past people on the slide. I usually intervene if my child is involved - 'it's ds turn now, your turn will be next' but if it's another child I just let it go and maybe just offer an alternative toy to the injured party (this is assuming neither parent of the children involved noticed what happened). I'm a teacher so I'm used to watching children at play and intervening when necessary but I have to curb my natural instincts when I'm just another mum at the park.

What is the culture in your area?

 

[Vancouver Mommy]

I tell my kids that if they bring a toy to the park they have to be willing to share. If not, it should stay home or go back in the stroller. If my kid wants something another lo is playing with I remind her to ask if she can have a turn when that child is done. If the toys are just lying around and nobody is using them we try to find the owner to ask if it's OK to use them (most of the time). When kids grab things my los are playing with I intervene the same way you do.

 

[karemore]

I don't make DD share her toys with kids she doesn't know. If we are meeting friends someplace I make sure she understands she DOES have to share toys that she brings along.

She usually leaves her toys in the car when we go someplace to play. Other than chalk, or pails and shovels etc which she may need at a playground.

If I go someplace I don't assume I have to let other moms use my cell phone or share my coffee, but if I were meeting friends I'd be willing to share, so same goes for DD.

 

[tbone_kneegrabber]

If you bring it to the park, be willing to share, or be willing to deal with melt downs and tears all around you. I pretty much don't bring toys to the park, but ds is only 16 months and hasn't asked to bring anything except chalk and we share it.

Ds is a notroious toy user, if its left unattended he will play with it. If you didn't want other kids to play with don't leave it unattended.

 

[aschmied]

Hmm. Most people (including us) presume that a toy brought to the park will be shared. That DOESN'T mean that if you are using your own toys, that you have to give a kid a turn. It DOES mean that if you aren't, that they can play with it. Most moms don't intervene with other kids. I do if I can do so easily without upsetting anyone, or if there is a flagrant problem, or a dangerous one. I have noticed that many parents give me carte blanche with their kids, which sort of torques me. They sit on the bench talking on their cell, and maybe move themselves to say "She ok?".

 

[dawncayden]

Same. If you bring it to a park be willing to share. If there are toys lying around they are free to be played with until the child comes back for them.

If someone took a toy from ds, I would intervene and say they could have a turn after he was done.

 

[grniys]

Quote:

Originally Posted by karemore I don't make DD share her toys with kids she doesn't know. If we are meeting friends someplace I make sure she understands she DOES have to share toys that she brings along. She usually leaves her toys in the car when we go someplace to play. Other than chalk, or pails and shovels etc which she may need at a playground. If I go someplace I don't assume I have to let other moms use my cell phone or share my coffee, but if I were meeting friends I'd be willing to share, so same goes for DD.

That's pretty much my opinion on it, as well.

ETA: And I don't allow ds to play with toys that belongs to kids he doesn't know, either. Even if it's laying there on the ground and the kids aren't playing with it.

 

[artgoddess]

We are willing to share. We find that nearly every time there are other kids at the park they have toys that they are happy to share with my kids, so I figure that's the norm where I live. We bring toys so infrequently though since we walk. When we are packing up I will give a kid that has our shovel, ball etc. a 2 minute warning that we will be leaving and will need to take our toy back.

eta: my ds always waits until a toy is offered or if a toy is laying around unused he asks before he plays with it. We would not ever ask a kid who is currently playing with their toy to give it up to ds for a turn, that would be just silly.

 

[cotopaxi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by karemore If I go someplace I don't assume I have to let other moms use my cell phone or share my coffee, but if I were meeting friends I'd be willing to share, so same goes for DD.

I think I've posted this before but your comment reminded me of one of my favorite Shouts and Murmurs columns:
link

 

[Sasharna]

I do not let DS touch other kids' toys at the park unless he is invited.

We rarely bring toys to the park ourselves, but when we do, we let the other kids know they are welcome to play with them. This has never been a problem for DS... not sure why.

 

[jennifercp8]

I do not allow my DS to bring toys to the park - and it irks me that others let their kids bring bikes when the sign clearly states "No Bikes". I also do not allow him to touch other kids' toys - even if they have left them laying in the middle of the park.

If we go someplace that requires toys to play with sand, etc, we bring our own and do not offer to share. Nor do we ask to use someone else's unless it is someone we know and they have come with us.

 

[onlyzombiecat]

We never took toys to the park or saw other kids with toys. Most kids were there to play with the swings, slide, etc.

I wouldn't have expected dd to share a stranger child's toys or her to share with someone just because they were both 4 and at a park. If she wanted to play with the other child we would ask but not just ask to use a toy. That seems rude.
If dd didn't want to share and it was a problem with other kids then we'd have put it away.

I have no idea if this is the culture.

 

[Joyster]

At our park, we bring toys, labeled and we dump them in a huge pile where the toddlers/preschoolers are and they share. Most of them are a bunch of toys I've picked up at a store at $5.00 for a dozen. The parents/grandparents supervise to make sure the kids are playing nicely. Older kids are told that the toys are for the little ones, but they can play if they want to share and stay in the general area (it's a big playground) and that's about it.

I wouldn't share my phone with a mom who wants to call her mother to talk about her day, but if she needed to call her babysitter in a jiff, I'd be right there offering my phone. Everyone does what they are comfortable with, in my area, letting the kids share toys is no big deal.

 

[AlpineMama]

Going off on a tangent here but some of you guys wouldn't offer to share your cell phone with someone who needed to make a call? Really? (And no, PP, I don't mean to chat with my mother, I mean in an emergency, so that wasn't directed at you.

) It never would have crossed my mind to refuse that, and if I needed to make a call but my phone had died or whatever, I sure hope that if I asked someone politely, they wouldn't turn me down because I was rude to even consider asking.

Plus, I still fail to understand the attitude of "we don't go to the playground to play with strangers." How else are you supposed to meet the people in your neighborhood? That seems so cliquey to me. You might not become best friends, but exactly how are you supposed to meet people? Via Internet playdates? Those seem kinda phony to me, and sometimes you just can't find a good one to go to. I have a playground half a block from me and yeah, everyone there seems to be all "we know each other and don't know you so we don't have to talk to you." Uh. Does EVERYONE have prior friends? Where do people make them, if meeting and becoming friendly with people in common social spaces isn't "acceptable" or "polite" anymore?

 

[octobermom]

I'm just having a hard time understanding why its even necessary to bring toys to the park?? Mine can play with toys at home or at friends at the part we are there for the playground stuff?? Not arguing just trying to understand?

Deanna

 

[onlyzombiecat]

In my pp I envisioned a child walking up and taking the toy my child has off to play with by himself not saying "hey, can I play cars with you?" or "do you want to trade toys for awhile?" or "let's go on the swings together!" and the two kids interacting.

I would have no issue with my dd playing with a child we don't know.
I would have issues with her taking a stranger child's toy or a stranger child expecting to take her toy as his right. Just because we are in public doesn't make it public property.

A child hogging a swing or slide should be reminded that others want to play too and they need to take turns.

 

[soccermama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vancouver Mommy I tell my kids that if they bring a toy to the park they have to be willing to share. If not, it should stay home or go back in the stroller. If my kid wants something another lo is playing with I remind her to ask if she can have a turn when that child is done. If the toys are just lying around and nobody is using them we try to find the owner to ask if it's OK to use them (most of the time). When kids grab things my los are playing with I intervene the same way you do.

We do the same thing.

 

[AbbieB]

At our local park I have noticed 2 camps.

One camp is of the mindset that if their child brings sandbox toys, bubbles, balls, cars and trucks, etc that it's OK for other kids to join in the fun (and often these families bring extra). I see a divide on forcing their children to share, but there is respect for the differences on this issue.

Then there is the camp that seems to have the idea that it is beyond rude for random kids to want to play with their child. I have witnessed one parent get so upset that another child wanted to play catch with her child and his ball that she packed up and left the park in a huff, leaving snarky comments in her wake.

The park is a public space. Doesn't that imply that there will be public interactions?

I always remind my child that if she does not want another child to touch her toy than she should leave it in the car.

 

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Huh, I can't imagine not letting other kids play with toys at a public place. I mean, yeah if you are using it you can use it, but when you want to do something else, and someone else wants the toy, who cares?

I'm not a big, bring toys to the park, kinda person, mostly because I feel like the park is the activity, but ds plays with other kids balls and push toys and the like.

I usually hear parents say to their kids "if you don't want to share it, put it away" etc which I feel like is a good rule of thumb and almost always applies to when you are finished using it.

I know a lot of folks from the park, that's where I met them and perhaps one of the few places I see them, sometimes our kids play together, isn't that why I dragged us to the park?

 

[jeteaa]

Most of our parks allow bikes, skates, balls, etc. Many families don't have yards, so on nice days they camp out at the park and play all day. I feel its just fine for families to bring toys to the park and not share them if they don't want to. But there is no harm in your dc asking to play with them....