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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My dd is six. Lately the parents of a girl in her class have been very keen to have her over to play. She's been twice, we've had the girl back twice, and today was invited for a third time in the last month. She didn't look too pleased when the invitation was issued for next week, so I've just been chatting to her about whether or not there is a problem.<br><br>
She has said that she doesn't want to go because this family have the television on loud and she gets a headache. Also that the girl is a bit too loud and bouncy herself.<br><br>
I can see that this child is short of playmates and needs some help, I suspect that her family are concerned about her social skills hence the eagerness to set up playdates.<br><br><br>
I've put dd to bed and asked her to think what she would like to happen.<br>
I'll either tell the child's parents that she doesn't want to go, and she doesn't have to. (I can see this backfiring on both her and me, but I want her to know it's an option.)<br>
Or she can go next week, and tell her friend that she wants to play in a room away from the telly, stay for a bit and come home, and in future make playdates with this kid much less frequently.<br><br>
DD says that she does like the girl, it's just too much. She's a popular girl, I want her to stay that way!<br><br>
If anyone has btdt, I'd love to hear from you.<br>
I'd really appreciate some guidance on what to say to this girl's family. I don't know them well enough to be comfortable in criticizing their home and child. Ideas welcome.
 

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Either:<br><br>
(a) a white lie that doesn't make it sound like you're criticizing them, their home, or their daughter ("So sorry, dd has been busy with playdates galore lately and is feeling a bit rundown - we're going to have to pass on this one!")<br><br>
(b) a 'family' playdate on neutral ground where you stay as well, and can leave with dd if she gets overwhelmed: suggest a family outing to a park, museum, or some other activity.<br><br>
I understand your dilemma: we've run into situations more than once where dd just doesn't much care for going over to some houses or visiting with some friends all that much, and it can be a bit awkward to fend off in a tactful way.
 

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Would your dd like to play with the girl, but at home, instead? I don't think I'd have a problem saying my dc likes to be home more and could we do it at our place.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
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(a) a white lie that doesn't make it sound like you're criticizing them, their home, or their daughter ("So sorry, dd has been busy with playdates galore lately and is feeling a bit rundown - we're going to have to pass on this one!")</div>
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This is really tempting, but I can't see it working for long. Also they ask when we are free, not would dd like to come over on such and such a day. I'm going to have to be a bit blunt, I think.<br>
I suspect that their enthusiasm comes from concern that their daughter isn't making friends easily. I "want" to say enough to help them problem solve her behaviour and maybe turn the tv down a bit for dd's comfort. I just don't know them well enough.<br><br>
As the weather gets better I can try and do some joint park outings, but having done the dropping them off at one another's houses already it seems a bit odd and awkward to go backwards without explanation.<br><br>
(I'm British, does it show?!)
 

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I think it's ok to go backwards - you could say that dd has been feeling more homebody lately, that is one way - basically just blame it on a phase! - or you could NOT explain, just say if they want to play next week it needs to be at your place. Not an easy situation. Maybe you could try to get to know them a bit better by inviting yourself to the playdate (maybe saying that they can't play too long, as she has an appointment or something? then it wouldn't seem odd that you'd stick around, as what could you DO for 1 hr?). Good luck!
 
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