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Playdate w/"my" friend during ex's time w/DS

593 Views 3 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  3sunz&I
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A family (mom, dad, DS) moved in recently on the next block, and their DS and mine have been thick as thieves the last couple of weeks. They have played together every single evening, and are really enjoying each other's company.

Neighbor boy was very sad
last night when he was told that DS will be at his dad's this weekend. The mom called to ask me if ex lived very far away and if it would be possible/okay to try to arrange a playdate this weekend. I told her (probably TMI) that for "political" reasons, it would probably be best if that wasn't attempted. For one thing, ex has a history of not allowing DS playdates w/his two best friends because their moms are my friends.

The other thing is that, while I just met the parents a few weeks ago, we are becoming friends, and I don't want ex spoiling that, IFYWIM. It's been coming to light recently that ex is really going out of his way to denigrate me and my parenting to all who will listen, for as long as they will listen. He's even paying people to listen to him
(he hired a counsellor to give an expert opinion of my parenting based solely on his and his mother's complaints about me).

I'm posting this looking for some insight, or BTDT. I'm processing my knee jerk reaction to the mom's request, and wonder what you all think.
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I agree with the PP. While it would be nice if things got to the point where your ex would take your son on playdates even during "their" time, it would help towards keeping life nice and normal while he's with his father, so he doesn't have to be alienated from the rest of his life whenever his father's around. On the other hand, maybe that can happen more gradually. Plus, you don't want to get too used to the neighbor boy expecting you guys to be there for him 24 hours a day. I think the way you worded it to the mom is fine...you could always add that with time, you hope things become more "relaxed" so that your ex can facilitate playdates with the boys, but that for now, you need to ease into that.
I know how you feel. When my ex and I seperated (we are now divorced), I wanted "my friends" and he could have "his friends". And if that meant that I had to make new friends, I was ok with that. I wanted that part of my life, that included him, gone. My ex remarried and 2 of my 3 sisters went to his wedding! I do have my own issues with this and I still don't associate with people that I used to when we were together. I just feel like that part of my life is gone now and I wanted to be rid of all of it! I would be a little annoyed if one of my new friends wanted to get together with my ex and the boys on the weekends when he has them. He only has them 4 days a month... I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way. I am not bitter towards my ex, I just want our lives to be completely seperate.
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