[Tigerle]

I know I need to get a move on on the playdate front. I am such a chicken. I want some handholding. We do see other kids out of school, because some of our friends have kids the same age, so we socialize regularly and the kids get along okay. However, I want to facilitate friendships DS is making for himself, too, with the kids from the neighbourhood he meets in preschool and may go to grade school with.

DS, 3, appears to finally enjoy preschool in his mixed 3-6 class (K is a pull-out program), at least at times (he loved dressing up for carneval!) and talks about playing with other kids now. The problem: whenever I find out more about the kid in question, it is yet another K girl. Sigh.

He does not appear interested in the boys at all, save one 4-year-old he does say is nice, but whom he does not appear to play with a lot, or in girls closer to his age, apart from one 5- year old whom he says isn't in K yet. Not much better. I wonder whether friendships like this can truly be equal, or whether they treat him as a kind of mascot. I wonder whether they (and their moms - I'd have to stay over with him after all, at least for the first few times) are truly interested in playdates. And next year, they'll all be in school! If he has no other friends in preschool, what then? I want to enter him early, but not this early.

I know I should just ask, but I don't deal so well with rejection. Additionally, I wohm in a sahm neighbourhood, and it is my husband who is in charge of drop-off/pick-up most days. I have told him to look out for the mom of the 4-year-old boy and ask for a playdate at a weekend, mentioning that his wife would come along just in case she minds being chatted up by a dad, but...how shall I say this? I think if I'm not doing it, it isn't going to happen. (I am just happy if he does not miss every announcement/drive/wet pants to take home etc., setting up playdates appears to be a bit much).

Thoughts?

 

[kittykat2481]

I have a facebook page, and I've slowly but surely been connecting with moms and teachers from DS's school on there. That has really helped, and we often chit chat about the children online. Other than that, I try to go to all PTA meetings and volunteer around the school when I can (I'm a full time student/WOHM too) so I get to run in to other moms.

 

[Aufilia]

If they're in the same class now, I don't think it would be too weird to try to set up a playdate with the child. I've gotten the impression that in DD's Montessori class, the kids do a fair amount of playing across ages. When I asked DD what kids she wanted playdates with over winter break, she picked a 5 year old girl, a 4 year old boy, and a 3 year old girl to set up playdates with.

For kids at school, you might just ask the teacher for their parents' contact information, or send a note through the school. I cold-called the other parents. Since I was a WOTH mom last year I've never met most of them. (DH was a SAHD and didn't do playdates.)

 

[Ellien C]

I just don't think playdates are THAT big a deal for a 3 yo in pre-school. He gets plenty of peer interaction on the days he goes to school. I honestly wouldn't worry to much about it. If it happens, fine, but if not I don't think it's anything you need to "get on the ball about."

I think it would be fine for him to play with girls 2 years older than him if that's what's comfortable for all of them. My DD is 7 and her best friends are the 10 year olds in after-care. For her it's always been like this. They play together just fine. Her vocabulary and verbal skills are on their level but I think she might be a bit emotionally immature. They seem to tolerate her and indulge her OK and she's clearly contributing to the content of the games, storylines etc.

Finally - schools and classes change each year and that's one of the nice things. If his friends "graduate" and go to a different school, it will give him an opportunity to make new friends. These are all good things to learn.

 

[Tigerle]

Oh dear. Thank you for your input. Looks like it's all about my own hangups. I wish any one at our (pretty rural) neighbourhood pre-school appeared as if they spent time on facebook but I cannot imagine so. (I am trying hard to keep an open mind, though). Everyone but me just seems to have known everyone else forever, having grown up in the village or one village over. And they appear to have lots of playdates with their kids. Volunteering takes place at times like Friday mornings. And my husband wanted to be a member of the PTA so I cannot ever go (and it drives him bonkers because it is all about how many pretzels to bring this time for such and such event. They kept saying how much they enjoy having a dad "because they are good with computers and tools and don't just talk about food"). I have a hard time getting comfortable with the parenting "scene", iykwim.

If we are all back in good health by Thursday next week, I've got "observation day" and will get to see first hand (I hope) who he really plays with and how (was supposed to go last week but we were all sick). And I will make my mind up about whether he really "needs" playdates at this point. He has mentioned wanting to go over to other kids to play, though.

And then I will drop notes in cubby holes and hope people will call us. Ugh.

Quote:

Finally - schools and classes change each year and that's one of the nice things. If his friends "graduate" and go to a different school, it will give him an opportunity to make new friends. These are all good things to learn.

That's one of the problems - schools and classes (and neighbourhoods!) in the system I live in are incredibly static. The 6-year-olds will move up, and new children coming into his class will only be younger, and even less interesting to him. He is very sensitive to typical three-year-old stuff such as kids saying "no I won't let you play", "this is mine, go away", which isn't mean but rather just inability to play cooperatively and/express yourself verbally. We've had a long talk tonight about how three-year-olds need to learn this and older kids are much better at sharing and including - if they want to, but the older girls, I suppose, tend to want to.

 

[reezley]

I'm a bit like you in being shy about asking for playdates. DS1 (who is now 5) has only had a few. When he was 3, in a 3 year old class, he had one boy he played with a bit at school and mentioned some other names too, but he hung out near the teachers mostly. But he just wasn't making real friendships yet on his own. I too was thinking that I should get him to play with friends more, but I think he was just not ready yet. At age 4 (in a new school, as it happens), and even more at age 5, he has started to like the idea of "friends" more, and has a great friend at preschool now. In the last month or so he has played with a neighbor boy who's a year older a couple times now, and is telling me he wants to play with him again, making plans with him to meet outside again and such. I love seeing him getting in the swing of things, and making a couple friends now. I believe he just needed to grow into it.

I don't feel he missed out by not having playdates at age 3 - it's happening naturally now, with me putting him in social situations (as you are already) and chatting a bit with the parents of kids he likes. One thing I did was invite a few of his school friends that he chose to his birthday party. So it forced me to be social with the parents and gave him the fun feeling of having friends over, and kind of planted the idea of maybe inviting one over again for a playdate.

All this to say why not give it time... If he's happy and not begging for playdates - why stress over it?