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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Is it normal for a 5 and 4 year old to playing "doctor" with each other? I know I posted in the other thread about kids exploring their bodies, but I'm a bit bothered today. I do daycare, and I caught my 5 year old, and my friends 4 year old (both girls) playing doctor. The 4 year olds pants and underwear were down, and my 5 year old had a toy that I am assuming she was touching with.
This makes me want to throw up. I have had to talk to my DD before, as she and a 3 year old boy were showing their "stuff" to each other. The only time I am not with my kids, is when I have to make breakfast/lunch. So it's not like I'm not watching them, kwim? Is this normal behavior?
 

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I'm like you in that I'd be really bothered by it too, however, the rational side of me knows that it's absolutely normal for boys and girls to want to explore each other and themselves. I also think it's important to have multiple discussions with the children about what's appropriate and what's not and why.

Just curious, were they actually "playing doctor"? or just checking each other out. My daughter doesn't go to a doctor, but goes to a chiropractor a lot and likes to give me and my son "adjustments".


sarah
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Well, they were having babies, so yes, I do believe it was their way of checking each other out.
I am just worried, because I have talked with her a couple different times about good touch/bad touch, and how noone can touch her down there, etc. etc.
 

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also out of curiosity (because I haven't had any much needed discussions with my dd yet
), maybe she didn't see it as a "bad touch" because they are friends, the same age, both girls, "playing doctor" or whatever innocent reason she probably had. Does she think "bad touch" just means that it's unwelcome by her and by someone older? Do you think she understands that it's not appropriate for ANYONE (without, say a medical reason) to touch her or for her to touch someone else and was being defiant? Also, is it possible that the four year old was the instigator here? If that's the case, perhaps a good talk with her mom is needed.

sarah
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Honestly, I believe my DD was the instigator.
This has happened before, and we've had the "talk". That is why it's so frustrating.
:
 

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ah...we've had that happen here. My dd is the instigator both times I caught her.

It took me telling her that her body is private and she shouldn't share with anyone but her future husband. (that's what our faith says so I thought it was also a good time to put that in there..if you have a religious view on body touching/sharing..this is good time to mention it). She was six and it sunk in really well. It really opened the door to a few questions she had also.

I know it was early , but I went ahead and bought her The Care and Keeping of You for Girls. Packed full of great stuff and good conversation starters.

I didn't do the freak out thing...
No shaming ,no punishments , none of that stuff...just a flat out talk.
And the next time she was getting together with that particular friend I mentioned to her "I'm remembering what happened last time and I want you to remember not to touch her privates and you don't let her touch yours."

Said in a matter of a fact way , the same way you'd tell her not to share a hairbrush or a sandwich.

We haven't had any "problems" since.
 

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Jen, thank you for putting that in to words for me (not that it was for me). Our Faith has the same laws and I have been wracking my brain trying to come up with something simple that my kids can understand. I have a hard time talking about this stuff anyway, so truly, I am appreciative. It sounds so simple now


sarah
 

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You'll find many ways to state your faith simply and clearly when situations start arising that your kids need guidance with. And I find that even if I speak using words that they don't understand , it helps to work it out verbally.

Like when I caught my son in a lie...I very calmly told him that our faith considers lying a sin. That he is a good child, with a good heart and everyone lies at somepoint..but our faith really instructs us to try hard not to. Again , I'm not big into punishments or shaming. Natural consequences sure...but I don't want every little thing my kids do to be a lesson in shaming...not when I'm trying to make the correlation between faith and actions. ykwim ?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thank you so much, that makes perfect sense!
 

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I think it is TOTALLY NORMAL! I guess if your faith instructs you otherwise- I will not argue with that- then maybe there is something to be said. However, this isnt the case in my house. My DD is 1 1/2 older than a good family friend's DD and they play "midwife." (just as an aside- i love that they play "midwife" and not "doctor.") They take turns giving birth to babies. Both have witnessed their younger siblings births and both are around pregnant women and nursing moms a lot within our circle of friends. Most births have been homebirths within the circle and the girls are just experimenting in my mind.
 

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I remember when I was about 5yo a neighbor boy and I tooks turns showing each other privates. It was perfectly innocent - you show me yours and I'll show you mine. I can remember that it was interesting to see how different we were. No shame or ulterior motives involved...
 

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This is totally normal behavior for small children and should be treated as normal behavior. The only time it becomes a problem is if there is a considerable age difference or if one of the children has been previously sexually molested. If that is the case the child who has been molested can turn into a prepetrator. But kids exploring each other is normal.

A little girl in my DS's day care was molested by a staff member. So we had the talk with him about what is inside your swim suit is your private parts and no one should touch your private parts. But that is only because of the incident in this day care. And yes, before you ask, the person who did this was immediately fired, arrested, and now is a registered sex offender.

Kathi
 
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