[Johanne81]

Dear Mothers!

I'm desperate to find people who used to have trouble bonding with their child but in the end found that great love!! Im loosing hope day by day and desperately want to know that there exists some happy ending stories out there!

Due to a traumatic periode during my pregnancy and beginning of motherhood, I became completely emotional numb and unable to feel love towards anyone. It is as if I've lost the ability to feel love (as well as grief) - like there is a hole in my chest area where I used to feel my deep emotions. This has made it very difficult for me to bond with my daughter - she is almost 2 years now - and I so desperately want to love her. I feel so guilty and the thought that I might not ever get to love her sometimes makes me considering taking my own life, as it feels like torture every day. I feel so trapped and I dont know what to do! Please, If anyone out there has overcomed such situation, or know anyone who has, please let me know, and let me know what you did to get there! I so desperately need a sunshine story to restore my hope!

All the best Johanne

 

[crazyms]

This is more common than you think. No one talks about it because who wants to admit to not feeling love for their own child? They just won't talk about it. It sounds like you have postpartum depression. Speak to a doctor about it.

I had the same issue with my first child. I didn't bond to her and was pretty ambivalent about her for the first few years even. It seemed like I wasn't ever going to make that connection. She is almost 11 now and I love her. I finally at some point on the way found a way to connect to her. I don't know when it happened but it did. You'll be okay mama and that connection will come.

 

[Misty123]

Dear Mothers!

I'm desperate to find people who used to have trouble bonding with their child but in the end found that great love!! Im loosing hope day by day and desperately want to know that there exists some happy ending stories out there!

Due to a traumatic periode during my pregnancy and beginning of motherhood, I became completely emotional numb and unable to feel love towards anyone. It is as if I've lost the ability to feel love (as well as grief) - like there is a hole in my chest area where I used to feel my deep emotions. This has made it very difficult for me to bond with my daughter - she is almost 2 years now - and I so desperately want to love her. I feel so guilty and the thought that I might not ever get to love her sometimes makes me considering taking my own life, as it feels like torture every day. I feel so trapped and I dont know what to do! Please, If anyone out there has overcomed such situation, or know anyone who has, please let me know, and let me know what you did to get there! I so desperately need a sunshine story to restore my hope!

All the best Johanne

I didn't bond with one of my daughters after a c section, and post natal depression .
As time went on the bond very gradually grew , i would say she was perhaps three or four by the time I really and truly loved her for the little person she was!
She is now grown with two little girls of her own , we are very close now. With a very strong mother and daughter bond .
My advise is treat your daughter as though the bond is there , and it will come !

 

[alada]

First, want to send a big hugh, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Have you considered a hormone therapy. Emotions, are at the end just hormones. Perhaps you can do a test for hormone levels and see if there is any option for you.

 

[itybitywity]

I rarely post but I had to respond to this. I also had a very hard time bonding with my first son. There was no real trauma, he was just a seriously hard baby and we didn't click. I felt so ashamed that I didn't love him. There were days that I had to admit to myself that I didn't even like him, let alone love him- many days. I didn't find love for him until he was almost 2 and talking. The communication really helped us. He's 3 now and he's still a hand full and there are still many days that I have a hard time finding that love in me. We have our ups and downs but as he gets older things get slowly better. I can only hope that continues into the future. Fake it 'til you make it became my mantra for awhile. It was the best I could do for him and it helped me to. The more I told him I loved him, the closer I got to it being true.

And in case it makes you feel any better, my second son I was able to bond with after a couple months (which is still not the love at first sight I had imagined before having children). And that was after a difficult c-section and being depressed. We were just a better personality fit. So bonding with every child is different and for some of us it is a longer term thing. I think having been able to bond quicker with the second made me realize that the inability to bond with my first was more about our "fit" as a pair and less about my fitness as a mother. I just wish more mothers would fess up to this dirty little secret so many of us keep- that we didn't fall in love with our children right away. Sometimes it takes years but that doesn't mean that our relationships with our children will be any less deep felt and connected in the end.