Nice letter.
Please Critique this note to my DH:
I plan on printing it out and leaving it like, in the bathroom so he can read it while he takes a #2 or something. (note the role of midwives up here is a little different than down there...they are kinda like med-wives..)
Ok If we DONT get a doula, here's the deal, If you can't be there %100 for me, If I can't get %100 support, then screw it, ignore me and pay attention to Brianna because she's important too and less able to intelectually process the situation than I am. I dont want my child's first memories of her sibling tainted with fear abandonment and confusion.
I know that *I* Can't have it both ways in labour with only one person for support (Midwives are just medical practitioners, they dont do support) I rather give up my right to labour support so my child doesn't feel abandoned or scared,
than to have only a %50 commited person supporting me. Hence why I figure a Doula would be the best bet, BECAUSE you'll have his hands full with Brianna and myself,
it's not fair to YOU to have that much put on your shoulders.....
I'm showing you that there is a way to spread the workload so to speak...Don't try to super prove yourself. I know you aren't Rob. You dont have to prove that to me.
I just know that seriously, Labour is intense, It requires WORK on both the support person's side, AND the mom's side to manage properly. (read: Counter pressure, pelvic pressure, massage, getting food, water, blowing up the pool, filling the pool, keeping the pool at the right temp, getting washcloths, swaying, nipple stimulation ect ect ect tip of the iceberg) If the support person isnt %100 committed to supporting mom,
then it's gonna not go very well. It didn't last time that's for sure. You want to do too much. Spreading yourself too thin is just as bad as doing
SFA.
Does any of this make sense? The Midwives jobs are to make sure *I* am healthy and the baby is healthy. Not to offer pain management, or relaxation help or oxytocin release. That's not their job.
Heck, in the hospital, the nurses wouldn't be doing anything except going 'You ready for that epidural now?' It would STILL be up to you in a hospital.
The dr would show up right at the end anyway, so he/she is useless as tits on a bull too.
I've been through this before and I know what I'm in for and what I need to be comfortable and get through it and how much better I'll feel if I know that
you're there helping our daughter through it while the doula helps me through the labor.
You can DEFINITELY still be a part of it if we get a Doula. Oh boy can you ever. It's not like you're getting banished from the tent. Just that two vulnerable people, need two sane people, to tend to them.
Like what if it gets too intense for Brianna? What will you do? Ignore her? That would be plain cruel and evil. You'd have to pick now wouldn't you? Wouldn't it be nice to NOT have to make that choice? If we get a Doula you wouldn't have to make the choice between Bug's emotional welbeing and my own
And with a Doula there, you know you wont have to do more than your comfortable with. You can still support me, you can still be there for me, but the load wouldn't be so horrid.
Trust me, I know what I'm talking about, it's a very scary and intense time. Bug will need someone there for *HER* needs and I'll need someone there for *MY* needs. One person can't do both jobs...Also you've never experienced it before. What if you pass out like a cold turkey? You can't say that you wont because you dont KNOW if you will. I'd be up a creek without a paddle if you pass out before the midwives get there now wont I? Having a second person handy would eliminate that possibility...well..not eliminate the possibility of you passing out, but eliminating the possibility of me being left up shit crick.
I really want you there and involved, I also want Brianna there and involved. I dont want her ignored, feeling left out and hurt and scared....It's a family event.
Heck we can't even take prenatal classes because of your work schedule. You know the Doula can provide private 1-1 instruction about it and whatnot as part of her services, on OUR schedule not some pre-arranges class time...
So yeah..think about it...dont dismiss it. Think about how much easyer it would make your life during the whole labour
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Delegate delegate delegate, you dont have to depart but think about the DND philosophy
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*added some things*
Ok If we DONT get a doula, here's the deal, If you can't be there %100 for me, If I can't get %100 support, then screw it, ignore me and pay attention to Brianna because she's important too and less able to intelectually process the situation than I am. I dont want my child's first memories of her sibling tainted with fear abandonment and confusion.
I know that *I* Can't have it both ways in labour with only one person for support (Midwives are just medical practitioners, they dont do support) I rather give up my right to labour support so my child doesn't feel abandoned or scared,
than to have only a %50 commited person supporting me. Hence why I figure a Doula would be the best bet, BECAUSE you'll have his hands full with Brianna and myself,
it's not fair to YOU to have that much put on your shoulders.....
I'm showing you that there is a way to spread the workload so to speak...Don't try to super prove yourself. I know you aren't Rob. You dont have to prove that to me.
I just know that seriously, Labour is intense, It requires WORK on both the support person's side, AND the mom's side to manage properly. (read: Counter pressure, pelvic pressure, massage, getting food, water, blowing up the pool, filling the pool, keeping the pool at the right temp, getting washcloths, swaying, nipple stimulation ect ect ect tip of the iceberg) If the support person isnt %100 committed to supporting mom,
then it's gonna not go very well. It didn't last time that's for sure. You want to do too much. Spreading yourself too thin is just as bad as doing
SFA.
Does any of this make sense? The Midwives jobs are to make sure *I* am healthy and the baby is healthy. Not to offer pain management, or relaxation help or oxytocin release. That's not their job.
Heck, in the hospital, the nurses wouldn't be doing anything except going 'You ready for that epidural now?' It would STILL be up to you in a hospital.
The dr would show up right at the end anyway, so he/she is useless as tits on a bull too.
I've been through this before and I know what I'm in for and what I need to be comfortable and get through it and how much better I'll feel if I know that
you're there helping our daughter through it while the doula helps me through the labor.
You can DEFINITELY still be a part of it if we get a Doula. Oh boy can you ever. It's not like you're getting banished from the tent. Just that two vulnerable people, need two sane people, to tend to them.
Like what if it gets too intense for Brianna? What will you do? Ignore her? That would be plain cruel and evil. You'd have to pick now wouldn't you? Wouldn't it be nice to NOT have to make that choice? If we get a Doula you wouldn't have to make the choice between Bug's emotional welbeing and my own
And with a Doula there, you know you wont have to do more than your comfortable with. You can still support me, you can still be there for me, but the load wouldn't be so horrid.
Trust me, I know what I'm talking about, it's a very scary and intense time. Bug will need someone there for *HER* needs and I'll need someone there for *MY* needs. One person can't do both jobs...Also you've never experienced it before. What if you pass out like a cold turkey? You can't say that you wont because you dont KNOW if you will. I'd be up a creek without a paddle if you pass out before the midwives get there now wont I? Having a second person handy would eliminate that possibility...well..not eliminate the possibility of you passing out, but eliminating the possibility of me being left up shit crick.
I really want you there and involved, I also want Brianna there and involved. I dont want her ignored, feeling left out and hurt and scared....It's a family event.
Heck we can't even take prenatal classes because of your work schedule. You know the Doula can provide private 1-1 instruction about it and whatnot as part of her services, on OUR schedule not some pre-arranges class time...
So yeah..think about it...dont dismiss it. Think about how much easyer it would make your life during the whole labour
*added some things*
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I think it's a good letter too, but do take out the passing out part, ITA that that statement alone will cancel out the rest of the letter for him. I'm gonna go read the backstory here.
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:
I think you need to talk more about you. It is confrontational. I am not sure it will get the results you want
How about this....
dh
I would like to discuss the role and support a doula could provide for US during my labor further. I feel very strongly about figuring this out and do not like the way things were left.
I have complete faith in you to provide support to me, a main concern for me involves my dd and her well being.
I plan to set up a meeting with xyz doula for us to meet and discuss some options.
love you so much and can not wait to birth with you
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:
dw
men did not attend births till very recently- this has nothing to do with his manhood- he is just being a jerk....imo.
Make it clear you want HIM to be the primary support- and the doula as back up- and to give suggestions if he is at a loss- since this isa what they do for a living.
i will say- the reasonn I did NOT want a doula is because I felt my dh would then choose NOT to step up to the plate.\
Natural Childbirth is NOT weird or traumatic for children. they do need support- I think your dd will do fine. I did not want my ds there because I thought I would try to hold it together for him- and I did not want to do that! and when he was there- i did- looking back- i do wish heas there- but it worked out ok
How about this....
dh
I would like to discuss the role and support a doula could provide for US during my labor further. I feel very strongly about figuring this out and do not like the way things were left.
I have complete faith in you to provide support to me, a main concern for me involves my dd and her well being.
I plan to set up a meeting with xyz doula for us to meet and discuss some options.
love you so much and can not wait to birth with you
dw
men did not attend births till very recently- this has nothing to do with his manhood- he is just being a jerk....imo.
Make it clear you want HIM to be the primary support- and the doula as back up- and to give suggestions if he is at a loss- since this isa what they do for a living.
i will say- the reasonn I did NOT want a doula is because I felt my dh would then choose NOT to step up to the plate.\
Natural Childbirth is NOT weird or traumatic for children. they do need support- I think your dd will do fine. I did not want my ds there because I thought I would try to hold it together for him- and I did not want to do that! and when he was there- i did- looking back- i do wish heas there- but it worked out ok
About confrontational: If any of ya'll have been reading my posts on here, I always seem to have a "confrontational" tone no matter how sweet and non-confrontational I try to be...
It's just the way I am. I could *try* to change it, but it's really difficult because Blunt is my character and "tact" is a
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: concept ifun ya know what I mean
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He's known me since grade 4, so he knows that just because it "looks" confrontational it really isn't. I just have a serious lack of tact.
It's just the way I am. I could *try* to change it, but it's really difficult because Blunt is my character and "tact" is a
He's known me since grade 4, so he knows that just because it "looks" confrontational it really isn't. I just have a serious lack of tact.
2
hugs mama.... i just want you to get the outcome. I do know you..... it does sound like you- it is your dh- you asked!!!
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Just my opinion.
Just my opinion.
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