[Maela]

Dd is 2.5yo. she's very smart and very advanced language-wise. In the last few of months, she's discovered what fun it is to make me mad (or at least that's what it feels like). She smiles when I am upset and reasoning/explaining things don't seem to stop her from doing whatever it is that I am asking her not to.
I understand that part of the problem is probably that I just had a baby 4 months ago. He is pretty happy now, but he started out very fussy and it was hard for me to find time to spend with DD. Dh made sure to spend extra time with her, but I feel like our (mine and dd's) relationship has just gone downhill since then.

DS has a really hard time nursing when there is ANY noise around him. He also needs it to be absolutely quiet in order to fall asleep. I realize that asking a 2.5 yo to be quiet for that long is not really realistic, but what else can I do? This is the biggest issue that we have had lately. I will tell Dd that I am about to nurse Ds (he nurses on average for about 10 min), and that I need her to be extra quiet. she has special toys to play with while I'm nursing. About 2 minutes in, she will look at me and scream or make some sort of loud noise. I usually say, "Sweetheart, Ds is hungry and needs to nurse in a quiet room. if you want to be loud you can go in your bedroom. If you want to stay here you need to be quiet." Then she'll scream again. This will happen until I lose my patience. Then I start yelling (which helps no one, I know).

It's not just that though. Lately, I feel like whenever I ask her to do/not do something, she does the complete opposite. She usually listens to her dad, although not always. I feel like she doesn't like me anymore, even though I know that's not true. She seems to think it's a game when I get mad. "How mad can I make mama today?" I try to keep a neutral sound to my voice and stay calm, but it's so hard when it happens over and over again.

She can be such a fun little kid to hang out with, but once she gets into this mood, she just keeps on going and going... And it doesn't always start with me making her angry. Sometimes it just seems to come from out of the blue.
I'm trying to spend more one-on-one time with her while Ds sleeps (which isn't very often) or when Dh gets home from work before dinner, but I'm not sure it's making a difference.

I guess I just feel like I'm losing her. I miss what we had before Ds was born (really before I got pregnant).

 

[sapphire_chan]

A few years back, a mama on here said that when she got frustrated with her toddler she'd say "You're SOOOO two!" and that gave her a bit of a pause before she tackled the problem and also helped her remember that no matter how big her older child seemed compared to the baby or how old her highly verbal child sounded, she was still very very very young.

Are there any quiet activities she loves? Like maybe reading stories? Where you could say "dd, ds needs to nurse, get a book!!

"

 

[sapphire_chan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maela but I'm not sure it's making a difference. I guess I just feel like I'm losing her. I miss what we had before Ds was born (really before I got pregnant).

It is making a difference, it just can't make enough difference to make her not be 2.5 any more, y'know?

And she misses that too, but part of why it's being lost is that she's getting older. Some of it is from feeling a need for more attention, some of it just that she's developing further as her own person.

 

[Maela]

sapphire_chan, thank you for the reminder and advice.

Today I'm working on using distraction more instead expecting her to just listen to me when I ask her to stop doing something. It's been working better.

 

[joanna0707]

My girlfriend has been using an interesting technique when her children were small. When she needed to nurse while older child was waiting she used to talk to the younger child so the older could hear "Please hurry up, I want to play with your sister and please make sure you sleep sound so we have plenty of time to play adn enjoy each other" . She said it worked like magic, she almost never had to scold the older child. I'm planning to try it in the future.

 

[Maela]

Quote:

Originally Posted by joanna0707 My girlfriend has been using an interesting technique when her children were small. When she needed to nurse while older child was waiting she used to talk to the younger child so the older could hear "Please hurry up, I want to play with your sister and please make sure you sleep sound so we have plenty of time to play adn enjoy each other" . She said it worked like magic, she almost never had to scold the older child. I'm planning to try it in the future.

thank you so much for this; I'll try it tomorrow. I'll have to say it right as Ds starts nursing though because if I talk WHILE he's nursing he pops off, gets grumpy and won't nurse again for another few minutes. That's how bad he is.