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Hi there. I am looking for some sound advise. I am struggling with my DS in regards to sleeping. I do not know what to do or why this is happening. I am sure that there is something simple that I am missing or not understanding because I am SO F*%$*ing tired!<br><br>
So...here is the scoop. Before we had our little blessing, we bought a king sized bed because I wanted to provide the opportunity for my child to co-sleep with us if he so desired. Without really thinking about it, we ended up getting a pillow top mattress which was a very bad idea as it is unsafe to sleep with a tiny infant. So we used a bassinet which worked well but he grew out of in what seemed like two days...he was a big baby at birth. When he was too heavy to sleep in it any longer we put him in the crib thinking that it was the only safe option until we found something else. Well, he was doing just fine in the crib and all parties were sleeping well so I decided not to rock the boat and simply keep the bed open as an option when I felt like he was safe enough to do so. Even when he had pneumonia he didn't indicate that he wanted to sleep with us. I would simply take him to bed with me to nurse him the 1-3 times that he would wake at night and then I would swaddle him ( he couldn't sleep other wise) and return him to the crib.<br><br><br>
a few weeks ago, He started to wake more frequently and because of the need to sleep more, we decided to try to see how it would work keeping him in the bed with us. We had a rough go of it because of several reasons. 1. neither of us were used to sleeping together 2. When he was in the bed with us, he would not be swaddled which he wasn't used to 3. He was getting very hot and would get sweaty and so on and so forth.<br><br>
Since the transition to our bed, he has been waking up more because when we would fall asleep nursing, he would want to be moved away because it seemed like he wanted his own space and then he would wake to realize that he wanted to be right near me again. I am having a tough time when he wants to be right next to me because I like to have a lot of space when I sleep.<br><br>
So, we decided to see how it would go if we started to return him to the crib again. I recently borrowed the "No Cry Sleep Solution Book" and again ( I had been doing this before this all started) started to make sure that when I was nursing him that I would un latch him before he was completely asleep and then return him to the crib. It seemed to be fine. We would cuddle a minute or two until he was relaxed and when I would return him to the crib, as soon as he would hit the mattress, he would start to wail...not simply fuss but WAIL! He does not want to go back to the crib even though he is fine going there when he goes to sleep around eight.<br><br>
This is also causing problems for napping as well. He has always been a good napper and would go to sleep even when he was put down sleepy but completely awake. When he goes to the in-laws house for care during the week, he fights and fights sleeping and will again WAIL if he is to be put down. He gets so tired that he ends up falling asleep while he is playing. So he is getting on average 1-2 hours of sleep during the day and maybe eight at night. Not enough for an eight month old.<br><br>
So, I began to wonder a couple of things. This all started after a two week break that I had from work ( I work on a variation of a school schedule) about a month ago. It made me wonder if he was starting to have separation anxiety. Now, he was also teething during this time but that had started long before he was experiencing these changes with his sleep pattern. When DH goes to get him when he cries at night he cries very hard until he gets to me. Daddy can do nothing for him right now and when we try (because I am sooooo tired) he will cry so hard that there is so hope in soothing him other than nursing him...and daddy will often try to get him to go back to sleep only after I nursed him to begin with.<br><br>
I feel like we are caught in a vicious cycle that I have no idea how to get out of. It is affecting my job as I am starting to be perpetually late and of no use due to how tired I am. I am in tears all of the time.<br><br>
I know there are others of you that have gone through this...what is a mama to do? I am sorry that this is so long. Do I continue to co-sleep? We are thinking about side-carring the crib I am not sure that it is the answer although it doesn't hurt to try. There are so many people who think that I am enabling this by taking him to bed and nursing him everytime he wakes.<br><br>
Oh...another thing is that he has figured out that he can get through my work day subsisting on only half of a bottle and his lunch of solids and he can wait until he gets the milk straight from the source so that is definitely contributing to this as he is legitimately hungry and is taking about 1/3 of his milk calories at night. So I though that maybe we should encourage more bottles during the day but I do not think he would take them.<br><br>
OK...I think that I am really done this time. Again, sorry that it is so lengthy.
 

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Hi. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wave.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wave"> I just wanted to say that what is happening is totally normal for your baby's age and is not due to anything you're doing. Forget the advice that you're "enabling" him. He's showing a strong preference for you, and he needs you. I know it's hard. It was really hard for me to get used to sleeping right up next to the baby, but I'm used to it now. It's so good for babies to be in bed with their parents. I'm sorry that I don't have any great advice. I just keep saying to myself, "This isn't going to last forever." And I drink lots of coffee. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/caffix.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="coffee"> Oh, I also wanted to discourage you from trying to force the bottle thing. My older dd would strike when I went to school and then power nurse when I got home. It was sort of exhausting, but she was making up for lost bonding time as well. I'd hate to have lost that. I also think it's a bad idea to try to regulate babies' and kids' natural eating patterns. It really makes for bad eating habits later on in life.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>papayapetunia</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7967795"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hi. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wave.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wave"> I just wanted to say that what is happening is totally normal for your baby's age and is not due to anything you're doing. Forget the advice that you're "enabling" him. He's showing a strong preference for you, and he needs you. I know it's hard. It was really hard for me to get used to sleeping right up next to the baby, but I'm used to it now. It's so good for babies to be in bed with their parents. I'm sorry that I don't have any great advice. I just keep saying to myself, "This isn't going to last forever." And I drink lots of coffee. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/caffix.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="coffee"> Oh, I also wanted to discourage you from trying to force the bottle thing. My older dd would strike when I went to school and then power nurse when I got home. It was sort of exhausting, but she was making up for lost bonding time as well. I'd hate to have lost that. I also think it's a bad idea to try to regulate babies' and kids' natural eating patterns. It really makes for bad eating habits later on in life.</div>
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Just what i would have said. You are doing a great job mama. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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you are doing an awesome job, mama.<br><br>
our second little one is a little less than a month younger than your boy, and we are in the throes of separation anxiety, too. and teething. and nothing but the boob will soothe.<br><br>
from what you wrote, it sounds like he wants to be in the bed with you and near you. do you have lots of pillows to prop your back with when laying down and nursing him during the night? this was my life saver with our first son because i could just latch him on and relax again and i would inevitably fall asleep before he was even done nursing. i like my space when i sleep, too, and it was hard to get used to having a baby always there, but it was really important to me to have him there if he wanted to be (he did) and i've realized that it's such a short time they are this little and snuggly and want to be that close so i just remind myself (in the midst of crying and just wanting my space and a fussy babe latching on and off and on and off and on and off) that this time will be gone before long. i have realized this even more with our second little one.<br><br>
take a long serious look at what your routine is and really consider what is working and what is just extra and then stick to those things that are really working. you have tried a lot of things in the past month or two and that might be confusing your son, too, so scale back to only those things that work.<br><br>
and the idea of "enabling" him, grrrr on those people. every person has their own beliefs, of course, but i personally don't believe a child of less than 2-4 years old can cognitively "manipulate" people. a baby instinctively knows what feels good and what they need, and although they can't speak words, they can most certainly let you know what those things are.<br><br>
wishing you good rest soon...<br><br>
~claudia
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>portlandmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7965768"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I know there are others of you that have gone through this...what is a mama to do? I am sorry that this is so long. Do I continue to co-sleep? We are thinking about side-carring the crib I am not sure that it is the answer although it doesn't hurt to try. There are so many people who think that I am enabling this by taking him to bed and nursing him everytime he wakes.<br><br>
Oh...another thing is that he has figured out that he can get through my work day subsisting on only half of a bottle and his lunch of solids and he can wait until he gets the milk straight from the source so that is definitely contributing to this as he is legitimately hungry and is taking about 1/3 of his milk calories at night. So I though that maybe we should encourage more bottles during the day but I do not think he would take them.<br><br>
OK...I think that I am really done this time. Again, sorry that it is so lengthy.</div>
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first off, phooey on those people who say you are enabling babe - you are simply teaching him that you will help him to get his needs met. period. sleep issues are really hard, we are having some of our own right now. most of our sleep issues stem from when DS tries to eat all night long and neither of us get good sleep (particularly me, he sleeps once the boob is in his mouth). is it possible that your little one is on a reverse cycle of eating most calories at night? this happened to us after my babe was no longer able to come to work with me every day.
 

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Ok, question- why can he not be swaddled if he sleeps with you? Maybe it is weird for him to be missing this? Mine wouldn't sleep unswaddled for ages, just couldn't do it. He's 2 now, and we go through all sorts of stages where sometimes he wants to be right next to me, sometimes he wants his own space- sometimes he wants me to leave and let him fall asleep alone, sometimes he can tell if im not there even when he's sound asleep- sleep just changes a lot, and then changes back, and then changes into something else. What is important (to me) is that he gets the sleep- whatever works for him. That age also was a bump for us- things do always get better at some point!
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thanks for all of your support. Regarding the swaddling in bed...I do not feel comfortable having his swaddled in our be due to the pillow top mattress. It compressed way to easily and makes him roll. He has trouble staying where I lay him unswaddled. If he is swaddled, he can't pretect himself.<br><br>
I was loaned a co-sleeper. I am not sure that it will work for us for long as he is on the verge of being mobile and I worry that because the edges are too low that he would fall out. He is a very big child and it wouldn't take much for him to launch himself out. I think that if we can figure out a way to reconfigure our room that we might be able to side-car the crib so that he can have his space but be near by. We got lovely bedroom furniture for a wedding gift but it is huge and disproportionate to the size of the room so we will need to be creative.
 

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Could you put your mattress on the floor? Or put in a bed rail? That way you will have more room cause you can get right up to the edge of the bed. You will get more used to resting while baby is close. I still prefer some space but I can rest with a snuggler (or two) if I have to.<br><br>
I think you ds is too old for a co-sleeper, I would try the side car crib first.<br><br>
Oh, and my dd hardly nurses all day but makes up for it at night. And she is with me all day. She is just too busy! That is pretty normal.
 

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I am glad to hear that the lack of nursing in the day is typical. He only took 2 oz from the bottle all day until I got home. 2 oz! That seems like far too little. He does eat solids but not nearly enough to warrant only having 2 oz. Good God ! He is going to be up all night! BOO to that!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KateMary</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7975280"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Could you put your mattress on the floor? Or put in a bed rail? That way you will have more room cause you can get right up to the edge of the bed. You will get more used to resting while baby is close. I still prefer some space but I can rest with a snuggler (or two) if I have to.<br><br>
I think you ds is too old for a co-sleeper, I would try the side car crib first.<br><br>
Oh, and my dd hardly nurses all day but makes up for it at night. And she is with me all day. She is just too busy! That is pretty normal.</div>
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Can you flip the mattress so the pillow top is down?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
It is H*A*R*D to be a GOOD mama. Really. Hard. Really.<br><br>
We have a Queen bed and a twin mattress on the floor and my DH has to sleep on the floor because my little ones and nurse all over the bedroom and he's got nowhere else to go. Sad, but we do what we have to dring this brief and important time in our babies lives. I am used to VERY! little sleep and know that it won't be like this forever.<br><br>
I feel for you, I can relate. Whenever my children have been teething we nurse a lot more at night and sleep very lightly.<br><br>
My husband will sleep in the same bed with me again some day, but we have been so desperate and had to resort to anything to make it work. Sometimes you just try everything until it works.<br><br>
Best wishes to you!! Your situation is VERY HARD! (...and kinda normal, I think.)
 

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I just wanted to say that, having had two children who don't sleep that well, your babe is totally normal. DS didn't started at about 5 mo with the not sleeping so well. DD is wanted to be attached to the boob all night at times. At other times, she'll over over and sleep fine. With the first one, I would try to figure out what was going on and had many theories. I have decided not to spend my energy trying to figure things out. They are babies they want milk and they want mama. DH is able to console DD frequently but do need to nurse her first. I am trying to go to bed early. Which as a working mom is really suckie because I am gone 12 hours and I pretty much nurse, eat, get ready for the next day and go to sleep. I have at least a fighting chance at some sleep if I go to bed by 8pm. I know this period seems like forever <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: but by 2 or so things usually seem to calm down. Again it feels like forever but soon they will be pushing you away. Hang in there! You are doing great!
 
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