[AngieB]

I've just had one of my worst parenting days ever and I don't know how to handle it.<br><br>
At the bus stop today one of the mothers (who I've had a few problems with before) grabs my ds ( 6 years old) and yells at him "don't ever spit in my daughters face again, that was nasty and terrible" or something to that effect. Ds just kind of looks at her and says Ok and walks away. I could tell he had no idea what she was talking about. So I go over and ask her why she said that to him. She starts yelling at me about how terrible my ds is and that he spit in her daughters face at school on friday and then she was sick all weekend. She goes on and on about how I should spank him and her daughter is always telling her about all the mean things he does to her and that she is going to start reporting him to the princepal. He should go to jail on and on like this. I asked if the teachers knew about it because they are really good about calling parens if there is a problem and I hadn't been called. She said yes but they didn't do anything about it. All this is coming from her 5 year old daughter. I was so upset I had no idea what to say or do, I just went to my car and cried. Then I went home and called the school. I teacher was out today but I talked to the aid. I told her everything and she said nothing like that happened. She said the only thing that happened was that the little girl gets up in peoples face really close and my ds was talking to her and a little spit came out of his mouth as he was talking and then the girl said that he spit on her. He told them he didn't mean to and that was all that happened. The girl then went home and told her mother that my ds spit in her face. I don't know what the other things she has told her mother my ds has done to her through out the year, but I don't think any of it is true. I asked ds if something had happened on friday between him and the girl. At first he said no and then I asked if he had spit on her and he told me the same thing that the teachers aid had said.<br><br>
I'm so mad right now I could scratch her eyes out, I want to handle this correctly and not lower myself to her level. I also want to be very sure that she understands that her daughter is not telling the truth and I want her to stop picking on my Ds. I was going to call the teacher in the morning but my Dh thinks I should drive up to the school and talk to her face to face. I also don't know if or what to say to this nasty woman who I have to see everyday at the bus stop.<br><br>
To make things worse Ds has been having problem on the school bus and nasty women is friends with the bus driver and they walk together every morning and I think the bus driver is encouraging her to complain about him. So should I bring the bus driver into it are leave her out of it?

 

[littleaugustbaby]

Oh man.<br><br>
For starters, I would make it clear to her that she is never, ever to touch or yell at your DS ever again. If she has issues with his behavior, then she needs to go to you or to the school.<br><br>
I think that it would also not be a bad idea to speak to the teacher (and possibly the principal) in person, and let her know what is going on, and see where they go from there. I think that right now, it's very important for you to not only protect DS from this irrational woman, but to cover your bases with the powers that be at the school as well.<br><br>
Also, you can let her know that even if your ds had spit in her daughter's face on Friday, she would not have been sick all weekend from it. Viruses tend to have several days incubation time from first contact to symptoms. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">

 

[MissAnnThrope]

See I don't now how nice I could stay if some one did that to my child. She had no right to touch your child and I would have made that very clear to her.<br><br>
If I was you I'd go to the school and talk to them. I would also let them know that she assaulted your child and you do not wish for her to be at the bus stop anymore if she is going to be doing this.<br><br>
Also if there is another class for the little girl to be moved to it. Sounds like she is not a child that can be trusted to be around you ds. It is sad because she is so young.<br><br>
I hope it all gets worked out. Let us know how it goes.

 

[Mama Dragon]

I would have hurt her. Badly. You are far better off for being too stunned to do anything. Write her a letter, write a letter to be put in your child's file at school, and have the teacher/aid sign it, so there is proof he isn't being a trouble maker, and keep your DS way far away from that little girl and her mother.

 

[*clementine*]

Dh was reading over my shoulder and then walked away. Five minutes later he comes in the room ranting.<br>
He can't stop saying the F word and he keeps asking what the F is wrong with that Mom that she would grab a 6 year old? Who does that?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: (He's still going on and on.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> )

 

[rabrog]

First step: infomr her that if she EVER TOUCHES YOUR SON AGAIN, you will be happy to file assault charges. That was totally uncalled for.<br><br>
Secondly: get to the teacher and principal first (have the teacher's aid tell the principal what she told you, explain that this was repeated by your son at home. He/She needs to know this lunatic mother is lying.<br><br>
Thirdly: egg her house! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Oops, no no, don't do that.<br><br>
Jenn

 

[Cutie Patootie]

Wow! You are a better woman than I. I would have been freaky out of control if I had seen anyone do that to my child. I am all gentle discipline <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blahblah.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blah blah">, but I would go out to that bus stop tomorrow morning and let her know that if she ever EVER touches or speaks to my child again she had better pray I don't see it or leave the country before I found out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"> That is just unbelievable. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you for keeping your cool. Just wow! ITA about putting it in your sons file at school. I really don't think you should let it go without addressing her personally. She should not think she can do something like that to someone's else's child and get away with. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake">

 

[Cutie Patootie]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rabrog</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7945945"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
Thirdly: egg her house! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Oops, no no, don't do that.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"><br>
Okay...not really, but yes that! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">

 

[oceanbaby]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>littleaugustbaby</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7945806"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Oh man.<br><br>
For starters, I would make it clear to her that she is never, ever to touch or yell at your DS ever again. If she has issues with his behavior, then she needs to go to you or to the school.<br><br>
I think that it would also not be a bad idea to speak to the teacher (and possibly the principal) in person, and let her know what is going on, and see where they go from there. I think that right now, it's very important for you to not only protect DS from this irrational woman, but to cover your bases with the powers that be at the school as well.<br><br>
Also, you can let her know that even if your ds had spit in her daughter's face on Friday, she would not have been sick all weekend from it. Viruses tend to have several days incubation time from first contact to symptoms. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"></div>
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Ditto to all of this, especially the first part. Even if every single thing she said was true, she has no business addressing your child directly. She can get in touch with you and/or the teacher.<br><br>
I would probably be requesting a meeting with her and the teacher to get it all on the table.

 

[velochic]

Great advice about going to the teacher and principal about the spitting issue.<br><br>
Her handling your child... If there are witnesses, I would go ahead and file assault charges just to scare the snot out of her. They'll probably get dropped, but she would have to deal with it and she'd know you're serious.<br><br>
I'd also talk to the director of bussing and ask about a different pick-up site for your ds. I used to sub drive and there were parents that asked for special pick ups. It would affect the route by only a minute or two and could easily be arranged. I would not let my child be around this mother ever again.

 

[SquishyKitty]

She would have also had a broken arm to complain about if she had touched my child.<br><br>
I think your issues should be with her thinking it's okay to put her hands on another child, not with her DD making up stories about your son. And I wouldn't be nice or above her level with that, I'd probably go down to a very base level and let her know that if she ever touched my child again, you'll be pressing charges for assault.<br><br>
As for the rest, she sounds like a jerkface and I'd just do whatever you could to finish out the school year and hopefully not have the same class as her DD next year. People that strange generally aren't easily reasoned with.

 

[phathui5]

I also think that you should schedule a meeting with both her and the teacher (possibly the principal also) so the teacher can explain the same thing to her that was explained to you, that your son didn't do anything wrong. And in the presence of the teacher, I would tell her that if she ever touches your son again, that you will file assault charges.

 

[L&IsMama]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Synthea™</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7945888"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would have hurt her. Badly. You are far better off for being too stunned to do anything. Write her a letter, write a letter to be put in your child's file at school, and have the teacher/aid sign it, so there is proof he isn't being a trouble maker, and keep your DS way far away from that little girl and her mother.</div>
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Yeah,that. Ugh...I can't believe she grabbed him like that! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: It's pretty obvious why her dd is making up stories! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:

 

[joensally]

The little girl may not be making up stories. She may have simply come home and said "Billy was talking and his spit got on my face" or "Billy's spit got on my face" - she's five. It's the mother who is <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: for sure, and SHE may be interpreting things to suit herself. I would do as others have suggested, and request a meeting with the aid who saw it, possibly the teacher, and definitely the principal. In the meeting, I would ask that the aid confirm what she saw, let the principal know what happened at the bus stop and let the woman know that you are considering filing charges (or do so). I would also let the principal know, either privately or in the meeting, your concerns about the bus and ask for alternatives.<br><br>
How's your son doing?

 

[ThreeBeans]

You handled that so much better than I would have <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
I think I would have completely LOST MY SHIT if someone grabbed my kid like that.<br><br><br>
My suggestion is to let the school handle it. Call them, explain the situation and explain that the woman is bullying your DS. Ask them to intervene and also say you will need to get authorities involved if they don't.

 

[Maple Leaf Mama]

It would have been wrong. But if someone grabbed my child like that I would have either placed my body between them and gotten in her face or physically pushed her away from my kid. Wrong, but in the heat of the situation, probably true.<br><br>
I would arrange a meeting with the teacher, aid and principal first to discuss. Then another with the same people AND the mother if possible. I would also speak to the police. There is no freaking way another adult should EVER touch someone's kid in such an agressive way. If that were another adult, she would press charges-knowing the kind of person she seems to be.<br>
(And yes, I know that would probably mean my being agressive towards her would have the same affect.)<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
I would be furious, as you are over this and I would ALSO let the principal know about the driver. They should be impartial. I think you will have problems with this in the future. God forbid your son ever say/do boo-he may be told he's not allowed back on the bus.<br>
This needs to be addressed.<br><br>
UGH, I'm sorry. How is your DS?

 

[myjulybabes]

Trying to play devil's advocate and look at this from both sides....<br><br>
Did the other mom know that it was an accident, that your ds was just talking and her dd was too close? Because while I've got enough sense and respect to NEVER lay a hand on someone else's child, I'd be <b>peeved</b> if my kid told me someone else spit on them! Mama bear instinct and all. Like, the other day, dd came home rubbing her head, told me another little girl hit her. Until we talked more and got to the bottom of it and found out it was an accident, I was ready to call the other mama and raise hell. Never ever would I touch or grab the child, that's so far out of line it's not even funny. But I sure got worked up. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
I think I'd ask for a meeting with the teacher, the other parent, and both kids. Probably the principal too. Get this straightened out. And of course, let the other mom know you are not playing around--you WILL file charges if she touches your child again.

 

[TinkerBelle]

Even my 9 yr old is not very good at explaning things that happen, so I make sure to have him repeat it and I will call the teacher and ASK, not yell or scream or get in the face of another child or his/her parent.<br><br>
Now, if someone grabbed my son and did what that biotch did, I would have pressed charges. I am sorry, you do NOT lay hands on another person's child, no matter how much YOU think they "deserve" it. Don't get me wrong. There are kids I would not mind "throttling" or yelling at, <b>in a passing fleeting thought.</b> (don't flame~I don't get violent with anyone) I am human and we all have this desire to protect our babies.<br><br>
But you do.not.do.it. You do not touch other people's kids.

 

[taz925]

My take, her mama bear got triggered. She was wrong to address this directly w/ your son and to even touch him at all. That really needs to be addressed w/ witnesses for your own sake. Have a discussion at school w/ all involved as has been suggested. You really need to consider if you want to press charges. Did anyone else see her grab your child and the hear the exchange? Otherwise, she could just deny she grabbed him.<br><br>
Not everyone is like those at MDC. I keep forgetting that when I go out into the "real" world. I wish I could just stay in a world full of MDC parents and never deal with "mainstreamers."<br><br>
Now for the bus driver, I would call dispatch and see what other options are available for a different stop or even driver.<br><br>
Doreen

 

[becoming]

I'm so sorry this is happening with your DS. How upsetting. I definitely agree with the others who have said to make it clear to her that you will file assault charges if she touches your son again. I would also speak to the teacher and principal about possibly having her prohibited from the bus stop area. And yes, I would mention the fact that your DS has been having problems out of the bus driver and that the mom and the bus driver are good friends. In fact, I'm not sure I would let my DS ride that bus again if it's possible to avoid it.