[AngieB]

Sorry this may get long. Here is the back ground.

My dd and ds go to a really nice one room school house. It's grade k-5. Many of our friends also go to this school. I love the teacher. My ds has ADHD and does not do well in a school setting but the teacher has been very understanding and is willing to work with him. I still wonder if homeschool would be a better setting for his learning style.

Here is the big problem. There is a girl who goes to the school. She is one year behind ds. This girl and her family have major mental problems. There has been some talk that there is abuse in the home. This family has caused lots of problems since they started at the school. Always calling and complaining about stuff. Making up things and lying about things. The problem for me is that for some reason they have singled out my ds to pick on. The little girls "A" kepts making up stories about my ds doing mean things to her or hitting her. On time she said he spit in her face. Myself and the teachers have checked into these claims and they are never true. I have now found out that the father is claiming that my ds hit her at the bus stop and they have called the police and have a year to press charges. Once again I have check into it and it did not happen. Both the teacher and the principal have said they are a major problem and they know that the parents are crazy but there isn't much they can do about them (it's a public school so they can't kick her out).The principal has said not to worry about it that they have done this to other people before and nothing ever comes of it but I am sick over it. I don't know what to do. This has been going on for 3 years now. I like our school I want to stay there, I want my younger kids to go there but I don't know how much more of this I can take. There is also a younger sister in the family that will be in a grade between my 2 younger dd's so this family will always be around.

I'm starting to ask myself why am I still at this school, would it be better to pull my kids out and just homeschool them? What would you do?

 

[cosmos]

I couldn't read this and not respond. It sounds like a very difficult place to be in

I guess what I would do is spend a good chunk of time making a pro/con list and looking into homeschooling. Then I would make a decision based on the outcome of the list, and sit on that being my decision for 3 days. After the 3 days, if I were panicking and not wanting to do that I would do the opposite.
It ain't science, but this is one of those horribly icky situations that you are faced with.

If you do disenroll your child, the school might rally with a better solution, Losing enrollment in a school like that is likely a big deal. Good luck, and send updates.

 

[amcal]

Oh Mama, that's so hard. I would go to administration and tell them that you're considering moving your child because of this family and see what they are willing to do. If they aren't willing to protect your child, I would say I would probably move. I understand that you love this school but, your child's safety is more important. I'm sorry mama, that is a real tough one

 

[straighthaircurly]

I see a couple routes you could take.

1) Research whether you have enough evidence of these false claims to file a harassment case against the family.

2) You mention that there is talk of abuse in the family. Is this idle gossip or is there any evidence regarding it? The school has an obligation to report any suspected abuse. I suggest you push for that so if there is abuse those children can get some help ASAP.

3) If neither of these are options then I think the poster who mentioned make a pro/con list is right on the money.

 

[mamalemon]

Can you sit in on a class one day? Maybe if you could watch the interactions between your DS and this girl, you could get some insight in to what (if anything) is triggering her stories. It might also allow you to say "I know this isn't true/this is how it is because I saw it..." if the time comes for a sit down discussion. In fact, have you considered having a conference with the girl's parents, the teacher and principal? I know that you said they are mentally unstable, but a face-to-face might quiet them some.

 

[pranamama]

I would ask the school to move one of the children to another room and drive my children to and from school and consider filing a restraining order. If you want to homeschool it may just be easier to escape from the lunatics than talk any sense into them. This would be after I doublechecked w my child that they hadn't done anything like spitting etc, kids can do weird things like that to each other.

 

[AngieB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamalemon Can you sit in on a class one day? Maybe if you could watch the interactions between your DS and this girl, you could get some insight in to what (if anything) is triggering her stories. It might also allow you to say "I know this isn't true/this is how it is because I saw it..." if the time comes for a sit down discussion. In fact, have you considered having a conference with the girl's parents, the teacher and principal? I know that you said they are mentally unstable, but a face-to-face might quiet them some.

I volunteer in the class every monday. There is no interaction between my ds and this girl. Ds has tried to stay clear of this girl since the 2 month she was at the school (3 years ago). The teacher has said that there is no interaction between them. The teacher told me there has never been a problem between this girl and anyone else. I have talk to the mom and she will be fine for a while and then she goes off the deep end again. My ds is not the only person these people harass. The mom has gotten onto the school bus an yelled at children, she has threatened the teachers aide. They threatened to press charges on another school employee last year...the list goes on and on.

 

[mamalemon]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngieB I volunteer in the class every monday. There is no interaction between my ds and this girl. Ds has tried to stay clear of this girl since the 2 month she was at the school (3 years ago). The teacher has said that there is no interaction between them. The teacher told me there has never been a problem between this girl and anyone else. I have talk to the mom and she will be fine for a while and then she goes off the deep end again. My ds is not the only person these people harass. The mom has gotten onto the school bus an yelled at children, she has threatened the teachers aide. They threatened to press charges on another school employee last year...the list goes on and on.

Yikes. You are in a really tough spot. Are there any other good prospective schools near you? Maybe you could tour a few casually and check them out. It would be a shame to pull him from a school that is otherwise a good fit, but there may be something else as good without the difficult little girl. Or homeschooling, ofcourse.

What does your DS say? Is he interested in leaving the school?

 

[AngieB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pranamama I would ask the school to move one of the children to another room and drive my children to and from school and consider filing a restraining order. If you want to homeschool it may just be easier to escape from the lunatics than talk any sense into them. This would be after I doublechecked w my child that they hadn't done anything like spitting etc, kids can do weird things like that to each other.

This is a one room school house, so there is no other class to move to. We would have to change schools. I'm not even sure this is an option because the schools are all full, plus this would only be a fix for a few years because everyone goes to the same middle school so she would be back again.

I have double and triple checked every time they say my ds has done something and he has never done anything to this girl. One time she was in his face and he was talking really fast and some spit came out of his mouth. His told her sorry I didn't mean to spit on you and still she went home and told her parents they ds spit in her face. Another time he yelled "A" don't forget you homework folder and her mother called me and said that her dd was so upset that she peed her pants. Once again myself and the teacher spoke to other children and teachers and nothing bad happened.

I feel like because ds is the kid who seems to always be in trouble (never for hurting anyone) this family feels like he is an easy target to pick on.

 

[AngieB]

I have spoken again to both the principal and the teacher. They have both reassured me that these people are not stable and they know ds is not the problem. The principal will be talking to the father and telling him that ds did not hit his daughter. The teacher will be keeping a record of anytime the girl says something happened. The principal has also said that when ever the girl says he did something that he did not do he should tell her I DID NOT DO THAT and then tell a teacher so they the can record it. If he by mistake does something like bump into her he should tell her he's sorry and did not mean to do that and then tell the teacher what happened.

I very happy with how the staff is dealing with this and I'm hoping that we will have no more problems. Dh and I are still thinking about homeschool and will decide after Christmas vacation if we will be going back.

 

[CarrieMF]

I would look into whether they can kick this other child out. Just because it's a public school does not mean they have to keep the kids there, as long as there is another public school they can go to they can expell a child.

I would also look into whether you have any merit to charge the parents with harassment

 

[Tapioca]

Hi. Something similar happened with my DD this year at preschool.

IMO, and granted I know it's really hard when your child is being targeted, you need to disengage and recognise this is not your problem. You are doing everything right. It sounds like the school administration is behind you and your DS 100% so if I were you, I'd ignore it and carry on. In all other ways, it sounds like the school is a great fit for your DS. I wouldn't let a trouble maker push me out of a school that I loved.

I wouldn't press charges because if they're as irresponsible as they sound, it may just escalate things.

 

[Tapioca]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngieB T I feel like because ds is the kid who seems to always be in trouble (never for hurting anyone) this family feels like he is an easy target to pick on.

I'm sorry mama. It sucks that these people are picking on your child this way.

 

[Violet2]

I haven't read all the replies but here's my take...

Move your kids. I'm so sorry you are in this position, but how are your children going to grow and flourish with this girl acting out all the time and interfering with their social and cognitive development? These early education years are so important, too important to be warped by one psychotic family. And the bullying can have long lasting impact on their psyches as well. Just not a good situation.

V

 

[AngieB]

Thanks everyone for the advise it was helpful. I wanted to give a quick update...

Things got worse, these people are so crazy!!! Dh and I decided that it was not safe for ds to remain at the school if this girl was there. I kept him home for most of this week and starting on monday he will be going to a different school. There was no room for my dd at any other school so she has to stay where she is for now, but her name is on a waiting list. The teacher is going to take this to the superintendent of the district and try to force the family to change schools. If the girl leaves then ds can go back and my younger dd will still start K there next year. If they can not get her out then we will move everyone to the new school. I' trying to be hopeful that things will workout for the best, but mostly I'm very, very angry that this is happening to ds. No child should have to leave his friends and the school he has gone to for the last 4 years because a family of crazy people have picked him out to harass.

 

[corysmilk]

i read all the replys I just wanted to let you know, I think you are doing the right thing. I too had to take my dd out of a school because of almost the same thing.
I am sure your ds will beable to ajust and make some new friends, keep his old friends. Especally with a loving mama like you behind him all the way