I'm not quite sure if this post even belongs here as I am new to the whole 'forum' idea and needed a place to really vent about this. Here goes..
I'm 20 years old and my entire life I've loved children and am amazing with babies and connecting to them and children emotionally. This being said, there are no children in my entire family which is probably the reason I have had a longing feeling and a need for my own child or the responsibility to care for a child on a long term basis. I've babysat all ages over night and over weeks, my sleep pattern is really bad so the waking up during the night doesn't bother me and I actually love changing diapers, I don't know why haha.
This feeling comes and goes, when it does comes it is a strong feeling and makes my heart feel as if I have so much unconditional love and care without a little being to spill it on. Recently this feeling has came back..
Later down the line I plan to become a foster mother before anything else, I love helping children. I know that I am not ready financially for a child yet but can not shake the feeling of needing a baby in my life.
I volunteer at my church in the nursery where the parents can drop their children off ages 0-5years old to go into church to listen to the service and we watch the kids/ teach them about the lord. So this past Sunday, there was this little girl that is 2 years old who came in, she looked very familiar and I'd realized that I'd seen her 2 Sundays previous in the exact same dirty little outfit, she was there with her brother. I took note specifically to these children since not only were their clothes dirty but they didn't speak much or want affection or any of the sort. Anyways, the mother leaves them and the little 2 year old comes over to me and wants to be held which was surprising seeing as the mother had said that they don't like affection much, so I had held her in my arms and cuddled her and rocked her seeing as she was sleepy, (I was right! She dozed off almost immediately), she was in and out of sleep and only did some of the lessons and activities as the rest of the children.
I had to run to the other room with the older children for a quick moment so seeing that she was sleepy, I passed her off to one of the other workers and she looked as if she was fine until I came back, she ran to me and stood by me whilst gripping my leg. The workers had said that she freaked out immediately after I had left crying for me and I had laughed a bit thinking that, that was cute since it wasn't unusual for the children to get attached to one specific worker during their stay. All went well until her mother came to pick her and her brother up after church, she was in my lap not quite asleep but snuggled in my arms. I had told her "Look who's here!" and she turned to look at her mom who was smiling at the toddler and the little girl turned her head the opposite way trying to go back to sleep. I was shocked and had tried to stand her up to go home and she had threw the biggest tantrum when her mom tried to hold her and take her, screaming bloody murder as if her mother was killing her. The mom was so exasperated, I felt so sorry for her, it must've been so embarrassing / heart breaking having your own child reject you. She then reached for the little boy and he exclaimed "Don't touch me!" and had ran around the little table away from her. I had went to get their project papers and given them to the mother while saying "Look! Come show your mommy what you made" and that had sort of lured them, although the little girl was clinging to my leg. The mother had then said that she was going to take them to potty before they went home and that's when the little girl started screaming and falling out onto the floor, gripping my clothes so that I wouldn't let her mother take her. It was so dramatic so I just went with the mother to assist the kids to the potty where she explained that she gets that way when she is sleepy (??). As they began to try leaving, once again I had pretended as if i was walking out with them, the little girl insisted that I held her but I told her that she was a big girl so they left in a cluster but I was not behind them, I was in the classroom. Next thing I know, I hear screaming in the church lobby and a banging at the classroom door. It doesn't die down and I have to go outside where the little girl is there with a messy face hugging me like I was a million bucks.
Eventually, she went home with her mother after a while of calming her. I promised that I'd be there next time.
I was out shopping the other day and seen them. The little girl was wearing the same outfit from the past Sundays that I'd seen her and I think I heard crying but I'm not sure if it was coming from her. They were at a bus stop and I didn't want to go over and say hi in case the same situation had broken out so I just minded my own business. I did see the little girl, sitting off on the side pouting, they hadn't seen me.
This entire situation breaks my heart knowing that I already have this huge child fever. My boss who was in the room during this entire thing at the church, thinks that they could possibly be abused at home somehow. I don't know how to feel or what to do about this, I want to take the little girl and just shield her from everything bad and never let anything hurt her.
I'm not sure if this means anything but during snack time she drank at least 9 small cups of water until I said that's enough. I think she's being dehydrated too, she is always so thirsty and hungry.