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My first birth was supposed to be in a birth center but ended up being suddenly and traumatically in the backup hospital bc my water broke at 35 weeks with no warning. My midwives were wonderful but there were many hospital-related things that were not as I had hoped. I couldn't do "my thing" with the #@$%#%$^& fetal monitor strapped to me, I was so hungry, and I hadn't slept at all bc my water broke as soon as I lay my head on the pillow to go to sleep that fateful night. The first thing the nurse said to me as I walked in the door was, "I'll be right back with your pitocin." Hello, do you even know my name or how my labor is progressing? I did deliver naturally, due to my stubborn demeanor rather than a supportive and encouraging atmosphere. But once the baby was born, the midwife lost any influence and the baby was whisked away to the NICU. It was three hours before I could see her. She ended up there for 6 days, and I was too far from home to be able to go home since I was BF every 3 hours. I still think they were overreacting and that their interventions caused more interventions, which made it take much longer than it should have for her to be released. I stayed at the hospital for DAYS after being discharged. I fed her, pumped, and hung out in bathrooms, waiting rooms, the cafeteria.<br><br>
The whole experience was horrible. It is not surprising that I had terrible PPD for a good 10 months after she was born. Upon reflection, I feel that I was too focused on certain things happening--that slimy baby on your belly the moment after she is born, immediate breastfeeding, the whole earth mama thing--and I wasn't able to accept what was happening and be "in the moment" of my birthing experience as it was.<br><br>
I am now PG again, happily, but I am realizing that I have a lot of trauma to deal with from my first birth.<br><br>
Bradley did not work for us, I think partly bc we couldn't really do it in front of others (we are shy types) and bc my DH is just not the type to be a coach in that situation. I'm looking for a new method. And I'll be using a doula this time too!<br><br>
Even though I long for a homebirth, this birth will also be with a midwife in a hospital. I was afraid of hospitals, doctors, and nurses before my first birth, but now it's even worse. (Different hospital though!)<br><br>
I'm looking into Hypnobabies, Hypnobirthing, Birthing from Within.... Do you have any recommendations for me? I appreciate your help so much! Sorry for the long story, but I thought it would help to know where I am coming from. TIA
 

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No recommendations (we totally loved the whole Bradley thing) but some encouragement. I think your decision to get a doula is a really great one. If you find a doula that you click with, that may be all you need since you already have experience and the Bradley information.<br><br>
Also - with the Bradley, since you already have the info you can now do the excercises, relaxation, and all that on your own. No audience needed. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Sorry that you had troubles with your first birth experience. I can relate. I am praying daily this time to have a great experience, but more importantly to have no regrets. I'm a natural kind of momma going for a water birth at a birth center this time, but should I end up with every intervention known to man I STILL want to be able to enjoy my baby without spending the next 5 years wondering "what if?" YK? UGH! I really hate that I have spoiled some parts of my own birth experience by being mad at the nurses. And sure, they should not have taken my baby away to clean her up right away, but why have I wasted soooo much time and negative energy being mad about it for years?<br><br>
I sure hope everything goes even better than you are hoping!
 

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Forget the whole hosptial thing. Stay home. If you're shy, you should be in the only place you feel comfortable: where you live.<br><br>
You didn't fail your birth by not being "in the moment" or by being upset with what happened. It is totally reasonable to be upset about your birth. Things happened to you and your daughter that were uncalled for and you are not honoring yourself if you don't let yourself grieve that.<br><br>
Read <i>Birthing From Within</i>, but no method is going to give you the birth you deserve. Honoring that your body and your baby know what they're doing and following that will help you avoid unnecessary trauma.<br><br>
Stay home. Be in your body.<br><br>
Personally, I think husband-coached birthing is an oxymoron. I'm all for husband's being supportive of mamas (mine was right there with me in both my births), but it's women who have a clue about what it's like to give birth and women who have the natural intuition to honor the birthing mother.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>annakiss</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7924940"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Forget the whole hosptial thing. Stay home. If you're shy, you should be in the only place you feel comfortable: where you live.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
-Angela
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Wow, thanks for the support!<br><br>
I want a homebirth more than anything else, but there is no homebirth midwife in my area and it's not covered by my insurance anyway. I got spoiled living in an area with THREE birth centers to choose from and lots of homebirth midwives (the DC area), but we moved away when my daughter was 2 months old.<br><br>
That's another reason I'm so upset about my birth experience--I feel like that was my ONE chance for a beautiful thing and it didn't work out that way.<br><br>
So I have to accept that this birth is going to be in a hospital and I'm just going to have to make the best of it. *sigh* I'm trying to be positive about it. I've got 7 months to change my mindset!
 

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If money is the ONLY reason for your hospital birth, then you could you at least look at the midwives in your area, ask about their fees, and consider saving the money over the 7 months to make your birth better. I, too, am uncomfortable around strangers and birthing at home was SO MUCH better than the hospital.<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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I was in your spot a few months ago. Homebirth not being viable, a horrible first birth, etc.<br><br>
Here's what I suggest:<br><br>
Read "Birthing from Within", make notes and do the exercises. All of them - the mental ones (esp about fears and worries, etc) and the pain-relief ones (ice cubes etc). Because of my first experience, I made a COMPLETE journal for everything - it helped immensely. My DH would take my DD on Sundays and I would commit every sunday to this (sometimes having to go to a cafe or something to do so)<br><br>
At the same time, do a Hypnobirthing Course. Either Hypnobabies or Hypbirth - either can be done through a course or a homestudy. I did the Hypbirth homestudy and did it EVERY night before i went to bed.<br><br>
Those two will cover your mental preparations.<br><br>
Don't give up on Bradley for prepping physically. You may not be able to do it "in front of an audience" and I completely sympathize. But if you don't have it, get "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way" so you have the physical exercises to do well a head of time. I jotted notes from this book into my journal, along with drawings of positions, etc and jotted down WHEN certain positions are th e most useful (i.e. squatting may be good to get the baby in place, but sometimes can cause too fast of a descent and tearing).<br><br>
Let your hubby off the hook and cover your own butt. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> I don't mean that dismissively, I mean that as a "last resource" measure - so that you don't go into the birth wondering or worried about his role. My DH is an awesome supportive partner, but I also wanted to make sure that I could be my own coach "just in case". Hypnobirthing does that wonderfully.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Lastly, you may want to get a book on Natural Birth Stories for light reading, and to remind you of why you are doing it all. Ina's Mays book is half birth stories, but I recommend 'Adventures in Natural Birthing' because it actually has a section devoted to natural births with OBs in a hospital setting. Hospitals aren't all that bad, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: , esp if they ever give you peace of mind, so its nice to know that natural, beautiful births CAN be accomplished in them - as long as you constantly remember that YOU are the driver - steer your own boat!<br><br>
Disclaimer: I'm still one or two weeks away from giving birth. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> BUT, i have to say, with all the personal "searching", etc through these three methods - I am 1000x more confident and at peace with whatever the outcome may be then i was 5 months ago - when I was confused and troubled and still VERY upset over the first birth. I completely sympathize SO much with your "i'm trying to be positive" comment - I remember thinking the exact same thing when I was trying to figure out what to do.
 

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Have you considered homebirth? If you do that and choose a supportive and hands-off midwife, you have much more of a chance of having a non-traumatic birth experience. I'd say educate yourself and try to get yourself in a frame of mind where you follow your own instincts, not someone else's method.<br><br>
Best of luck and sorry for the awful first experience.
 

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It doesn't sound like a hospital is a good birthing environment for you. I don't know that saving $4000 is worth it.<br><br>
However, if you are convinced that the hospital is the best choice for you, hire a doula, don't go in until labor's established, discuss your birth plan in advance and get the important points (my mom's for my little brother included "ask permission of the mother or father before *ANY* procedures, there is *NO* standard operating procedure with this infant") put onto your chart or the baby's chart as appropriate.
 

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I had a traumatic hospital experience 6 years ago. Thsi time, when I became pregnant, it wasn't long before I started asking a lot of questions about what I could and couldn't do.<br>
Then... a few months in, someone sent me photos of a family member who'd just given birth. They were pictures from the hospital....a nondescript baby wearing the same hat all the babies get....the Mama was in the same gown they make all the Mamas wear...machines and cables and electrical outlets provided the landscape in the background.....<br><br>
I had an anxiety attack! There was o way I was going to check in and be treated the same as everyone else...get the same baby hat and same gown and same wires and machines that go "*PING* and etc.....and there was no way I would let them do to me what they did last time!!! (I developed staph-caused meningitis)<br>
I'm not sick. I'm not high-risk. Why would I need a hospital?<br><br>
So, we decided we just wouldn't go to the hospital.<br><br>
At first, we met with a midwife, but I was still not comfortable paying this woman a couple thousand to come and "observe" (in my state it is still illegal so should anything go wrong, she flees!)<br><br>
I have read 9 books now and watched countless hours of video of natural unassisted homebirth. I can do it. And if anything goes wrong, I can dial 911.<br><br>
My environment. My germs. My body working with baby's timeline.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Don't force yourself into a hospital just because of $$. Talk to the midwives. Figure out what you COULD pay. See what they are willing to do.<br><br>
really.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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Discussion Starter #12
There are no homebirth midwives in my area! It's not just about money. I'd happily pay $4000 for a homebirth, but it's just not possible.<br><br>
I need to stop thinking about homebirth and accept my reality. Dreaming of homebirth is just making it harder for me.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>melissakc</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7927172"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I need to stop thinking about homebirth and accept my reality. Dreaming of homebirth is just making it harder for me.</div>
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A hospital birth is not a reality I would accept without medical reason. It's simply too dangerous.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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Are you able to do something like travel for your birth? I know some people here have stayed at and birthed at The Farm in Tennessee. It wouldn't be my personal first choice as they are too hands-on for my personal liking but still it would be sooooo preferable, even to me, to a hospital birth.<br><br>
Best of luck finding a way to support your birthing desires and instincts!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>alegna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7927335"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">A hospital birth is not a reality I would accept without medical reason. It's simply too dangerous.<br><br>
-Angela</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 

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Where I live now there are no mw's. I searched and searched and searched. I actually made planes to go 800 miles to use our old mw.<br><br>
A mw got tired of hearing from me and agreed to be my mw. Granted we dont know if she will make it in time being I birth quickly and shes over 1.5 hours way.<br><br>
All that so say don't give up, keep looking and talking to people.<br><br>
My old mw said that she could teaching me the different birthing methods but when birth came all that goes out the window. She was so right.<br><br>
There is no way I would give birth in a hospital unless it was a dire emergency.<br><br>
As for $$$ mw here are a lot more than what we where use to. Poor dh about had a cow when he heard the $4,000 price. We ended up only having to pay 3,200.<br><br>
Mws barter, trade and do all sorts of stuff to make it work for their clients.<br><br>
We often paid for our old mw with tax refunds.<br><br>
We are expecting our 4th child in 2 weeks+/-
 

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There are flying mw's too (a mw who comes from far away to attend your birth - more $$ but it can make it possible), and UC of course. IF you still think hospital birth is what you have to do, then I second (and second regardless) the suggestions to read/do Birthing from Within, Hypnobabies homestudy course, and refresh/practice the Bradley stuff with Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. Oh, and if you're in the hospital, then a doula for sure.
 

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Are you SURE there are no midwives in your area? I thought there were only 2 when I was pregnant with my first. As a cbe I now know of more than 10. Ask around and be sure there are none before you resign yourself to the hospital. If you've done this already then sorry for beating a dead horse <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
You might try Hypnobabies. It might work better for you than Bradley did.
 

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Start talking to people in your area. Go to prenatal exercise classes, go to mommy and me story times, etc, etc. Find people who've been in the local hospitals and get them to talk about the nurses they had.
 

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I'm sorry you had a bad experience the first time! We took Bradley courses, but we didn't really practice the relaxation techniques. (I really liked the info, though, especially the physical exercises and nutritional stuff.) Luckily my labor was relatively easy, so I was able to muddle through. Sorry I can't suggest another class, I've only had one birth so far. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I also thought that there were no homebirth midwives in my area - I had been planning to go to a birth center, but when my ds turned out to be breech I couldn't find any midwives who would attend his birth, and ended up travelling to the Farm. (It was a 5 hour drive in labor, but it was not a problem, and sooo worth it.) But just recently, I asked on the Finding Your Tribe forum for my area, just because I was curious, and there are at least two homebirth midwives here that I never knew about! I looked really hard, too - so if you haven't tried it yet, I suggest that you go to your area of the Finding Your Tribe forums and ask. Even if there are none in your city, lots of midwives are willing to travel a few hours to get to you, so the people on the forums might know of some in neighboring cities.<br><br>
Good luck either way!<br><br>
hapersmion
 
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