[newmommy]

I am having such a hard time adjusting to being a new mom that it is to the point where

1. I have missed several days at work, which in these days and times can be really dangerous with corporate layoffs and we really need my income to survive. Not to mention I carry insurance for my whole family. I am missing days at work because DH and I up each night taking turns caring for our fussy, now crying baby. We believe he has a touch of colic because it lasts anywhere from 12am-7am. DH always tells me to go back to bed, but it is really hard when I hear DS crying and whaling. He will be 10wks old tomorrow.I do not breastfeed, he is on formula. We tried co sleeping but DS is not a good sleeper at all. He grunts and squirms in his sleep alot and I would think he would be waking up but Dh made me realize to leave him alone and he will fall back to sleep. But I still couldn't sleep like that so DH and DS moved to the living room so I could get full nights sleep because I am the one who has to go to work by 8am. DH is self employed so his schedule is more flexible and he can nap during the day with DS.
2. I don't eat because I am always nervous that if I eat I will get full and want to go to sleep and if DS wakes up I will be too sleepy to care for him (i know WEIRD!) but that is just the way I feel. DH even cooked an excellent dinner last night but I just did not want to eat for fear of getting full!

3. I am still nervous about DS's crying spells. His pediatrician says that babies usually grow out of it by 3-5 months. I get nervous because sometimes, I literally can't calm him down and I end up having to give him to DH (when it is supposed to be his time off) and see if he can get him to calm down and most of the time he can.

To give you a clear picture of what is going on here is how our weekend went:

In the wee hours of Thursday -Friday morning, DS was screaming and crying and we finally got him to sleep. For some reason, he usually calms down by 7am

: . I was too tired to go to work Friday and called in. As DS was sleep, DH came into the bedroom and said "This has got to stop, there is no reason why 2 full grown adults can't take care of a baby to the point where you are missing work, our house is a mess, and we are living on eggshells, I told you to go back to sleep that I had him" I said, "how can I go to sleep with him crying like that?" He said, "you have got to trust me, that when I say I got him, then I got him. You make stress me me out when you keep coming in there bothering me when I am trying to calm him down. I do this so you can get a good nights sleep, it doesn't make since for both of us to be up at the same time getting exhausted, I will cally you if I need you." I said okay fine.

My mom came over Friday evening to spend the night and take care of DS while we caught a movie. I started feeling a little bit better then and a little bit more in control of myself. Before the movie, we went to Barnes and Nobles, and when we got there I asked DH for his cell phone, he said "no, please enjoy yourself, your mother is fine. " I ended up going to customer service to call home and he was right. My mom threatened to turn off her cell phone if I didn't leave her alone. I was nervous all through the movie and couldn't wait for it to go off. DH actually wanted to catch another movie but I said I really wanted to go home.

When we got home, mom said that DS was a little fussy and he went to sleep. She told me to go to bed and we would talk in the morning. I was tossing and turning all night *worrying* and *waiting for DS's 3am cry*. I must have really went to sleep because my Mom said he did cry out but I didn't hear it. She said good. She had to leave the next morning and I got sooo depressed. We spent all day at home on Saturday and decided to take DS with us to the grocer store Saturday night. Big Mistake. He did excellent in the grocery store but by the time we got home he screamed non stop until 2-3am. Dh had even cooked an excellent dinner and brought it to me, but DS was screaming so bad I couldn't even enjoy [email protected]@ I let DH go to bed and dealt with him but by 7am and he still wouldn't go back to sleep, I told DH you get him. He went to sleep with DH. All Day Sunday, I cared for DS while DH was in business meetings. I drank a cup of coffee and was really hungry. I wanted to put one of those frozen pizzas in the oven but I kept thinking "what if he wakes up and screams and I can't calm him down and then can't eat" so I gave up eating. This is probably why I am feeling exhausted all the time, because I haven't been eating.

Last night, I was soo tired and wanted to go to bed early, DS was in the living room sleep (on his tummy, I know bad, but we just started it and he sleeps longer, because on his back, his arms flail and he startles himself awake) so DH and I decided to gently wake him to eat with the hopes that he would go back to sleep and sleep longer. He woke up, screamed, ate, burped and screamed again. I got nervous and handed him back off to DH who told me to go to bed. I am such a whimp of a mother. I feel so inadequate.

The only thing that keeps me going is when he gets older. I can't wait until DS is 1 years old and older. I am extremely confident that I will enjoy that stage then. Many many people may disagree but for me, the infancy stage is extremely hard for me. If I can get past this stage, I will be much better. I can't wait for him to talk and then he can tell me what is wrong. I love my son very much. I am trying really hard to be a good mother right now. Everyone says it will get better with time and I truly believe that. Like, I was thinking about Christmas with smile on my face because Christmas is my absolute favorite time of the year. I can't wait to shop for DS. Actually, DH says he would like to do most of the shopping for him because of all the cool toys they have for boys. And by then he will be 6 months old. I am hoping it will be better for him by then. He also has his well baby check up so I am hoping we can then introduce him to solids.

So, all of these things to look forward to. It is just trying to deal with it now. I need to eat. Please encourage me to eat.

Thanks for listening.

 

[grumpymama]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how you feel to some degree. I'm wondering if maybe you have post partum depression. I have it, and the symptoms for me were that I just didn't feel like I could cope, I wasn't eating, I didn't enjoy being a parent at all.
You really do need to eat though--you're body will just get weaker and weaker and you'll be more unable to cope with things.
After I got on medication for my PPD things were so much better. DS wasn't any easier to take care of, but I was able to handle things so much better.

 

[lexbeach]

Oh, mama!

You have many symptoms of PPD, and I think you should go to your doctor ASAP. Not being able to sleep even when given the opportunity is one of the very worrisome symptoms, as well as not being able to eat.

Here is a quiz you can take to see if you have post-partum depression.

Please take it and then call your doctor right away.

And keep coming here for support. I think it helps just to write about everything that's going on.

Early infancy IS really hard. I don't think anyone will disagree with you about that! But it doesn't need to be as hard as it sounds like it is for you right now.

HUGS!

Lex

 

[mirlee]

First, take a deep breath. You are doing a fine job. It is very tough to figure out just what the newborn needs and how to soothe them. It is also very tough when you have to go to work the next day. I only had 7 weeks at home before I was back. There were days when I was a walking zombie.

It is very difficult to relax when the baby is crying. Your husband is right though. If he says he has him, you need to be confident that if he needs you, he will come get you.

Try to keep lights low and noises low. I don't know what you have tried, but a swing worked when Sam was cranky. Also, a drive in the car worked wonders and still works for him. I might seem odd to get into the car at 1 am and drive around the neighborhood, but it might work.

I think you should also talk to your pediatrician. You should rule out things like a formula issue or even reflux. Our friend's son was a screamer until they found out the real problem was reflux. Once they realized the problem, he was a new boy.

Eating is important. You need to keep your strength up. It could also help with your energy level. I would do decaf vs. caf coffee for a while as well.

The advice to investigate PPD is also good. You need to either rule it out or treat it. It is a hormonal thing. You aren't bad and you didn't do anything wrong.

Another thing I would suggest is to come to the boards when you can. We have all been there at some level.

You are doing a great job!

 

[MaggiesMom]

Can't type much- dd is sleeping on me so I only have 1 hand avail.

It WILL get better. I remember just wanting to pull my hair out b/c dd was so fussy. Now at 5 mo, she is a different girl. I had several ppl comment this weekend about what a happy girl she is.

Our dd has reflux. Managing that may have made the difference.

Playing a tape of white noise (our vacuum) calmed her then- still does on the rare occasiom when she flips.

Walks outside helped us BOTH.

Slinging her helped tremendously.

Crying peaks right around your ds's age, then lessens after twelve weeks. There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Take DH up on the offer to let you sleep. New parenting isn't all fair and even. My dh gets less sleep than me, but what he does get is not interrupted like mine. And he seems to need less. Equal? No, but it works.

And talk to your doc/midwife about PPD. Don't wait- call them now. They can help you.

Things will get easier- really they will.

ETA- Eat, mama, eat!!!! You need strength to deal with your little guy, whether he is happy or upset. So go eat that pizza.

 

[Lyra]

Oh newmommy, your name says it all. Hugs to you.

Boy do I remember 10 weeks old! And I didn't even work outside the home. In fact both Dh and I were at home caring for Ds and yes the house was a mess and we were walking on eggshells and we felt like we had no idea what we were doing!

I was very ill after Ds was born and Dh had to take over the bulk of his care for a while. I felt tremendous guilt about this, about bottle feeding, about not knowing how to calm Ds when he cried for hours. Finally I woke up and realized that I had to let go of a lot of unrealistic expectations if I was ever going to get healthy enough (physically and mentally) to care for him. So you *need* to let your husband take over the nighttime care if he is willing to. You need to sleep and eat and take care of yourself! Make yourself do it. Wear earplugs to bed if you have to or play soft music as white noise so you won't hear Ds cry.

As suggested by other mamas, rule out things that may be making Ds uncomfortable such as acid reflux or an allergy.

~I also found white noise to be a *godsend* during those peak crying weeks. We actually wore out an electric razor LOL! We also used a hairdryer and a vacuum.
~We went for walks at night.
~I also used a sling which I found really helped me bond with Ds especially since I wasn't breastfeeding. If you're not slinging then I really encourage you to give it a try--wear him as much as you can.
~spinning in a circle while holding Ds also sometimes helped calm him down (don't ask me why!)

And yes as the weeks went by he cried less and I felt less overwhelmed in general.

Take care, newmommy.

 

[natashaccat]

nursing at keyboard, sorry....sling, swing, baby biorn, believe dh when he says he's got it, give up cooking.

 

[Eggie]

Big

s to you!
I remember me wanting my dd to grow up and be able to let me know her feelings, she's 5 months old now and since she was 3mo she was able to express much more, plus you get more confident every day

What about his stools and also is he peeing a lot? Maybe you can try a change of formula, Carnation Good Start is the more digeastable in the market (I also had to feed her formula and the first one, Similac, was constipating her and cried sooo much). Of course check with your pediatritian first as the change has to be smooth.
Please keep eating, your natural instinct as a mother will wake you up for sure, and you will feel much, much better than with an empty stomach. Come on, GO for that pizza!!!
To calm him down you can also try a drive in the car, mine always felt sleep. Also the swing was great, dancing with her with classical music, a massage session, warm baths and gray noises. If it's colic, try to keep his belly warm with your hand.
My dd is now such a happy and smiley baby

You don't need to wait a year!! VERY soon you will notice a big difference, promise you

 

[CyndyRR327]

I feel for ya! I remember those days! Zane was a cryer too, I think he cried all day till he was about 8 weeks old, it is SOOOOO HARD!!!

I think you might want to look into the ppd also, if you have it the meds will help you so much. Also you may want to talk to the ped about the formula. Some babies are sensitive to the different types, maybe he needs a special type like soy or something.

I hope things get better for you soon!!!! Hang in there!!

 

[MamaTT]

hang in there! We were experiencing very similar stuff this time last year with Elijah.

I second what all the other mamas said.

I would also add, check out the colic chapter in the baby book. (Sears)

Walk helped us, baths, the I love U tummy rub. We got some relief from herbal and homeopathi colic remedies. some people swear by gripe water. I know onehotmama.com carries it.
Honestly, we got the most help from mylicon drops, since ds' main problem was trapped gas.

Hope you get some relief soon!

 

[BluegrassBaby]

Welcome,

I agree with all the PP, it sounds like you have PPD. Not sleeping, not eating, feeling inadequa as a mother, feeling overly anxious about your babys wellbeing, THAT IS CLASSIC PPD. You should see your DR. asap.
I also agree with what the PP said about caring for you DS' colicky behavior, try a special formula, try colic remedys, and read read read. My DS was very high-need and colicky, I had a hard time coping sometimes. You wouldn't believe it now. He's almost 6 months old now, and is so sweet. He still crys, don't get me wrong, but I know how to manage it now, and can read his cues so much better. I also second the advice to let your husband and mother take their share of the duties, you're very lucky actually to have people who can help.
Heres my perscription for you, turn on some soothing music, dim the lights, eat something yummy, then take a long warm soaking bath. Take care of yourself and caring for the baby will come easier.

 

[manitoba_mommy]

What everyone else said and one more thing, turn off the tv about an hour before you hope he will go to bed. In my experience nothing gets a baby more hyped up then a tv just before bed time.

Hang in there. Before you know it you will turn around and they will be almost all grown up. Trust me it will not seem that long at all.

MM