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Please help me turn this into a "teachable" moment

561 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  Nettie29
My DD1 is 4 years old and full of spirit. She's my wild child: always questioning and challenging people, always wanting to do things her own way.

She attends a nursery school 3 mornings/week. On Monday when I went to pick her up, her teacher pulled me aside to tell me that my daughter had cut a lock of hair from the head of another child in the class. I told the teacher that we would have a discussion about it at home.

My daughter tells me that she was taken out of class to the administrator's office at got a serious talking to. She told me that Mrs. ____ looked very angry.

So I call DH (in front of DD) and tell him. We agree to talk about it as a family when daddy gets home. She knows that mommy and daddy are not pleased. Throughout the day DD and I chat about it (not angrily - I just want to get to the bottom of things and understand). When DH gets home, we have the family chat, tell her that it's not acceptable and that she must apologize.

DD feels remorseful - that's clear. I just don't know why she did this.

I would be so grateful for some advice on how to turn this into something that DD and I can learn from and move forward in a positive way...

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It sounds like you are doing a great job turning this into a teachable moment, and the fact that your DD feels remorseful is very encouraging.

I remember when I was your DD's age I got frusterated at preschool and bit a boy on the nose. I only did it one time, once was enough to learn that it was not OK. I felt very remorseful and I was not punished but my mom did ask me to make the boy an apology card (which I did). The bite was a one-time thing and I bet the hair cutting will be too
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It is SOOOO normal for 4yo to cut hair that you can ALMOST guess a child is 4 by the missing hunk of hair in front. It is unfortunate she did it, and kudos to you for trying to help her learn not to. But, it is normal.

Originally Posted by Nettie29 View Post
DD feels remorseful - that's clear. I just don't know why she did this.
i think that is enough right? she discovered it was really a wrong thing to do.

as to why no one can tell you that.

the thing is its a 4 year thing. usually a one time deal. a huge no. of 4 year olds do this. the only difference is she cut someone else's hair instead of her own.

she might try her own hair - maybe. or this could be it.

when i asked my 4 year old why - she said seh was extremely curious and couldnt stand it anymore. i recalled she had begged me before she did it to cut my hair and i said no. so the next time when i went to get my hair done, and i was getting it shorter i had my dd take the length off at the hairdresser with hairdresser guiding dd. she loved it.

you have done a great job. let it go.
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My DS did the exact same thing to his best little girlfriend at preschool too. Although the teacher was VERY kind and did not want to make either child feel bad.
She explained that bodies are private and that we don't touch or alter people's bodies without asking their mommies or daddies (something along those lines).

But she also said that hair grows back, and didn't shame him or anything. My understanding from the teacher was that it was a game they were playing together, pretending to be at the barber. The teacher apologized for not being on top of things enough to catch that he actually had scissors during this game.

Thankfully the other mom was VERY relaxed about the whole thing too. She said she was planning to cut her hair anyhow. The next school day she arrived with a cute little ear length hair do.

If you / teachers already mentioned it once, I think that's enough. Your child knows. Shaming her about it so long after the fact is not helping. It's like punishing a dog a day after he chews your shoes. The point was probably made (too harshly perhaps) by the administrator. In my opinion, that's enough.
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Thanks mamas. I really appreciate the words of encouragement. I really didn't know that it was a pretty "normal" thing for a 4 year old to do...
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