[HollyKay1]

I have had anxiety and panic attacks for almost 5 years now. Well I'm 25 weeks pregnant and things started getting worse when I got pregnant. I started getting VERY scary intrusive thoughts and some I'm scared to even say but will. Well before this I was doing really good at home all day with my daughter and my bf working 12 hours a day. Well his mom because homeless and her and her bf moved in are staying with us for awhile.. this really overwhelmed me i guess because I started having more panic attacks . I kept getting thoughts that she was drugging my food and I would be so scared to eat. Well then one night I was cooking dinner and got the thought what if I poison our food? This sent me into full fear anxiety. I posted this on a anxiety forum and someone called me suicidal and I couldn't eat or sleep that night .. my mind raced and raced. I ended up going to the er the next morning and I told them everything . Well after this everything got worse. I started getting more scary thoughts like i convinced myself I bought aresenic online .. yes and took it and wouldn't know because I was dead. This terrified me made me feel like i was losing my mind. I started medicine and seeing a therapist . Well I have only saw her twice yet and it's only been about 2 weeks or so for my medicine. I'm on paxil 10 mg and I'm not sure it's helping me much. So this thought sort of passed and I got more thoughts and one that's really making me sick is one about my own daughter who is 3. I started getting the thoughts what if i touched her sexually and I'm unaware. The whole what if im unaware thing is what's really making me feel crazy and like im losing my mind. It's really keeping me stuck and fearful. I am afraid to be alone or anything because these thoughts feel so real.. or I'll get the thought you know you did it. I also had thoughts of what if im on drugs and unaware . This is all keeping me in fear and stuc!!!
Stuck . I feel like I'm literally losing my miND and I feel so crazy!!! Can anyone help me please. . I am crying out for help. Also I use to get these types of thoughts but never ever this bad and I was quickly able to dismiss them! But like I said the what if i did and I'm unaware is what's keeping me feeling like this . Please I need answers

 

[tracyamber]

I'm sending you hugs and the only advice I have is to see your doctor and tell her that the Paxil is not helping and you need some more counseling. It is no fun wondering " what if" . Call the doctor tomorrow!!! Hugs again


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[Alenushka]

You need to see a psychiatrist STAT. Consider ER

 

[katelove]

Two weeks is probably not long enough to know if the medication is going to work. It can take up to 6 weeks to see the full effects.

I agree that you need to see someone fairly urgently though. Is your therapist as psychologist or psychiatrist? If so then I would request an emergency appointment. If not then, either ED as alenushka suggested or the person who prescribed your medication should be able to get you an emergency referral. You do need to be seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist though, not just someone who has done a counselling course.

Well done for seeking help for this. You clearly have insight which is a big help in terms of your recovery. All the best.


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[Marleii0630]

Hi Holly. That was very brave of you to post what you did. I actually have had similar issues oddly enough. I was diagnosed with post partum depression one week after the baby. I actually had my sister in law drive me to the hospital while my husband stayed behind with the baby. They sent me to a behavioral center for three days which was agony where I hung out at the nurses center all day. They don't have facilities for women with just post partum to relate sadly. I had horrible anxiety over sterilization of my daughters bottles washing pumping which I was not that settled with the idea of breast feeding but I knew it was best for her and then I started feeling uncomfortable with my daughter hanging from my boob. Then I would have flash backs from the videos they made you watch in the hospital about shaken baby syndrome and think would anyone do that would I do that? I remember watching the news and hearing about a huge Walmart news special about someone that left their phone in a shopping cart that had videos of a mother filing allowing her boyfriend to sexually play with her daughter and his freaked me out. I used to sit there and think is that man looking at my daughter weird would anyone sexually hurt her? Because all the crazy thoughts you feel crazy and think well would i do it? Anxiety makes you feel out of control. Post ppartum is caused from a hormonal imbalance. When we become pregnant our placenta takes over making progesterone and our body makes 200x the normal amount and then on delivery day we rid that placenta so our body needs to re balance out. Not everyone can do this. I would have your hormones tested. It turned out I have post partum hyperthyroid as well. My daughter is now 16months and I go to a cognit behavioral therapy with my therapist and I am off my meds but it still hits my time to time especially around my period but now it's more shame I deal with and working on my confidence which my therapist has me doing self compassion I hope this helps and if you ever need to talk I'm here and I understand.

 

[StephenStevens]

First things that you need to realize is that illness is talking through you. By knowing that, you can counter it much easier. As hard as it seems, you need to realize that these are negative emotions and that you have to control them in some way. After that, it will become much easier to understand them and to go through all the bad emotions which you are encountering.