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He hits, pushes, throws things, pinches, bites (only me and dh, thankfully he doesn't do this to other children), and pulls hair! We don't do thse things to him, we don't do it to each other - Why does he do it??? And, more importantly - HOW DO I MAKE HIM STOP??

PLease help, he is driving me nuts and making himself less welcome at playgroups and such as he pushes and hurts other kids.

What can I do?

I say "nice hands" and model it for him, but this doesn't seem to be working. He laughs at "no". he has learned the sign for hurt and uses it for himself occassionally but he laughs when i try to tell him it hurts me (he sounds evil doesn't he
: ).

Please help. TIA
 

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I think the first think is to start thinking of him in positive terms, he is not evil, he is not a monster, he is a very small boy who has very little knowledge of how to get what he wants and needs. And has been acting in very age appropriate ways- lauging when moms says she is hurt, not knowing what to do except to hit or push when his needs aren't met, these are very normal things for a 15 month old to do.

So the next step is not to focus on the hitting or pushing but instead try to figure out what is wrong. It could just be that he wants to play, have that car, or be part of the excitement and he will need many, many, many repetions of you showing him appropriate ways to get these things. You will probably have to spend most of your time around other children talking for him "Car, please" "Can I play" "whats that". Anticipate what he is thinking and help him. You guys are a team!

I also would imagine that there are some stress and jeaoulsy issues if you have your nephew a lot of the time. Can you try to notice those feelings and again- talk about them and repeat and repeat and repeat the appropriate ways for him to get your attention. When he gets that look in his eyes, don't think what a monster how do I stop him, think what a hurting child how do I help him. "Oh you are looking angry/ jealous/ scared I don't love you. If you want my attention you can hug me/ say mama/ ask me to pick you up. I do not like being hit/ pushed/ bit." You also may need to be creating a little more quality in your interactions. Can you spend some more time with just him alone, one thing that is reletively easy is just to be totally with him when he is asking for you. Get down on his level, look into his eyes, put down the baby if you can and focus on your son. Even if it is only for 15 seconds, if you do this half the times he needs you, I think he will be feeling less stress and jealousy.
 
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