[CariS]

Hi all -

Dd is 4 yo. I think our quality of life could be a bit better.

Dd is very intense and always has been. As a baby she would only be held by me. She nursed every 2 hours for the first 15 months of her life. Then she screamed and protested so hard when I left the room at night to sleep away (I was pregnant and couldn't survive on so little sleep anymore).
She has also always 'flipped' over things that seem so small - a twisted seat belt, a shoe lace on wrong, transitions. Getting dressed has been really hard at times.

I think it might help to go to OT or a nutritionist or cranioscalpy. (I know my insurance doesn't cover the first two... we don't have the money to spare but I have to 'do' something).

Has anyone else experienced similar things with their little ones? Have you had success addressing this in any way?

Many thanks,
Cari

 

[wagamama]

I have no real advice, but my DS (who will be four in July) was exactly as you described. We didn't seek any alternative treatments because we live in Africa, and those kinds of things aren't available. I wondered about food allergies, but despite two elimination diets, was never able to pin anything down.

The terrible twos were the worst for us; since turning three, DS has mellowed a lot.

What helps more than anything is for DS to play with other kids, either at home or at preschool. It lessens the intensity of our relationship. It was mostly just the two of us for the first two years of his life, and things got way too intense.

Hope you get some good advice!

 

[4evermom]

In our case, so much seemed sleep related. Ds only slept in arms. Still cosleeps at 7 1/2. He had what is called sleep inertia, being exceptionally groggy for the first hour after waking up. Most people get a little of that but ds much more so. So he'd be miserable the first hour in the morning and after naps. And he didn't handle being tired well at any other time so he'd also be miserable an hour before a nap. He is much better simply because he doesn't need as much sleep.

I haven't read this particular book, but I recommend it none the less; Sleepless in America by Mary Kurcinka

She also wrote Raising Your Spirited Child which I did read (and also suggest you check out if you haven't already).

I never noticed any effects of nutrition on ds other than he was miserable if he needed to eat. It didn't matter much what he ate, as long as it was something. I'd try for bits of protein so he wouldn't get hungry as suddenly as with more sugary/carby foods. I did try eliminating various things but never did a strict elimination diet. It was hard enough to feed him without eliminating all the options all at once!

I'd definitely make sure your dd is getting as much sleep as possible as a first step. It takes a bit of effort but costs nothing (except the gas driving around is she falls asleep in the car

). I also let ds nap in the late afternoon, didn't try to make him hold out for a early bedtime. That was a recipe for disaster, He'd always sleep so much more poorly if he was too tired. He'd wake up more often and get night terrors... and be extra miserable the next day.

 

[4evermom]

Oh, you might want to check out the highly sensitive person website, too. There is a quiz you can take under the child section to see if your dd fits the description. Highly sensitive people feel things more, are bothered by little things more (hey, a twisted seatbelt bugs me too, lol). It can be a very good thing but can also range to the extent that a person has trouble functioning in the wider world without a little help.

www.hsperson.com

 

[aris99]

Hi,

She sounds like my 7 yo. My 7 yo was dx'd w/aspergers when she was 4. I am not saying your dd has asperger's BUT she may have sensory issues or as pp said she may just be highly sensitive. My 7 yo likes to have things in a certain order and is pretty unyielding when it comes to a change in plan. She doesn't have as many "flip-outs" now but they do occur.

All I can say is that it may lessen as your dd gets older and though this is a little cliched....pick your battles.

 

[spruce]

Have to agree that some kids are just more....well, they're more emotionally trying. They don't mean to be, but that's how it is.

FOr them, the pain, frustration, etc., is real. My now-16yo had to have her socks on inside out because the seams bothered her to pieces. My now-13yo went through MONTHS when, if I walked more than 3 feet away, she'd literally fall on the floor, flailing and screaming and shrieking. My father called it her "golden cord," and said she wasn't quite umbilically untied from me yet. (This was between the ages of 8 and 11 months).

My now-7yo went through a *wonderful* phase when he put everything away neatly in pairs, changed his own clothes, put his dirty things in the hamper (sorted by color!!) and refused to touch fingerpaint (he used a Q-tip).

My now-5yo and now-3yo seem to have skipped such obvious changes in behaviours, and are instead best of best friends.

For what it's worth, my 16yo will now wear *almost* anything (she's still incredibly picky about how her shoes feel), and my 13yo is very independent and kind. My now-7yo has, sadly, gotten over his passion for neatness.

Good luck, mama!!

love, p

 

[crl]

You might try checking The Out of Sync Child out from the library. It talks about kids with sensory processing issues. What you describe, could be related to sensory issues. (If so there's another book The Out of Sync Child Has Fun, that has suggestions for helping. OTs are usually the professions who deal with this if you need that kind of help.) There are some other books out there too, those are just the ones I can remember the names of. The special needs forum often has threads on sensory issues.

Catherine

 

[LynnS6]

I prefer the book "Sensational Kids" for sensory processing issue - it gives a bit more detailed advice for help, and it acknowledges that not everyone can afford extensive OT. That being said, our son had sensory processing issues and OT was very, very helpful.

I also love the books "The Highly Sensitive Child" and "Raising Your Spirited Child". "Kids, Parents & Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (the one who wrote Raising Your Spirited Child) is also a good one, and I think I might like it better than her earlier book.

This post here gives a lot of helpful suggestions for things you can do at home for sensory stuff:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...7&postcount=18

I'd also look at:
-Sleep (as someone else mentioned)
-Food sensitivities
-Environmental allergens

to see if any of those are triggers.

Some of my friends have had good success with naturopathic treatments for some of these kinds of issues.

3.5 is tough for any kid, by the way, and if you've got an intense kid, I think it's worse.

 

[Chinese Pistache]

My dd was like this. I bought the Highly Sensitive Child and it had good info. She eventually "outgrew" it, sometime between age 4 and 5, but between 5 and 6 we figured out that she has a dairy intolerance. I wonder if her sensory issues would have been lessened if we'd identified her food issues before. She's sooo much more laid back and doesn't flip out about her shoes and clothes any more.

 

[tanyalynn]

I'd probably try to find someone knowledgeable about environmental medicine, probably because my HCP has a background there and she's helped us a lot. My daughter used to have some of that, and for us it's been health-related, not behavior-related. I mean--what we've changed have been stresses on her body, and her behavior has changed as a result. Removing gluten and dairy helped, at times I've seen that DD has needed more probiotics (I make kimchee, very tasty, but at times we've run out and I've seen her digestion get off, and her behavior get a bit more difficult), and other things have been involved as well. Removing her allergens improved her sleep (no more bedwetting, no more night-waking), other things helped with sleep too, and that very directly improved how she felt, as evidenced by how irritable she was.

I think cranial-sacral can be helpful, but my first bet would be someone who looks at environmental stresses and nutrition and especially someone who looks at the whole family (my health is very related to my kids' health, so for us that was key).

So, could be a naturopath or chiropractor, our HCP is an acupuncturist with a background in environmental health, there are a lot of professions that someone could choose and still be knowledgeable about this particularly.

 

[Awaken]

My 6 yo son is very similar. He has definitely improved over the years- so much so that I can't imagine how we survived years 0-4. Most of the time he is an absolute joy to be with, although still very sensitive.

We have made a lot of changes, and I've done many things to try and help him, but on some level, this is their personality and it's not going to change to a large degree! However, it helps to do what you can to alleviate any discomforts that are making them more miserable than they need to be (and consequently making us miserable!)

Dairy is a big one for us. I see obvious behavior and mood changes when my kids eat processed dairy.

He also goes to the chiropractor regularly, and it is the one thing, of all the natural treatments I've tried, that we've done consistently and for over 3 years now, and I feel has make a big difference in his health. Having him healthy makes him much happier, and improves sleep for all of us.

I have always felt craniosacral work would be immensely helpful, as it has helped me quite a bit. But I pay so much out of pocket already I have not pursued it for him. I encourage you to try it if you can afford it and feel it may help your dd. When I have had it, it is an amazing experience.

I also rec. the highly sensitive person book and website- it has really helped me understand him and myself and while it doesn't change who we are, it helps to know why we are the way we are.

Good luck, hopefully it's encouraging for you to see others out there with kids like this

 

[ChristSavesAll]

My nephew was exactly the same way, my son a little less so... there was a difference in both of them after taking supplements, they were less extreme... I'll have to finish this post later, dd just woke up..