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Background: I adore my son. He is cute, sweet, curious, smart, silly. He went through a stage of hitting when he was 2, and of using the word "stupid" a lot when he turned 3. Other than that we have been pretty much problem free. I have never yelled or put him in time out. Modeling, gentle disclipine, and mutual respects has ALWAYS worked. Until a month or two ago. He is 3 and 9 months and most of the day he is a pleasure to be with. But if something doesn't go his way, all hell breaks loose. He screams "I hate you" "I don't love you" "I am never going to play with you again" They aren't full blown tantrums, just emotions and words. But they are disrespectful and hurtful. They are always directed at adults, us mostly, but my parents (who he loves dearly) and sometimes his nursery school teachers. Although they say he is wonderful and gets over some of his attitudes quickly.<br>
I am at a loss. He wants to be so big, and claims he is in charge of us. We tell him he is in charge of many things, but some things (like running out in a street) are not ok. I assume these behaviours are normal, but truly don't know how to deal with them. We have never put him in a "timeout" but have recently stuck him in his room for less than a minute when we felt like we might explode.<br>
I need help. Like ideas of what to say, and do.<br>
Please, thanks<br>
oh, and he isn't rude most of the time. He says please, thank you and geniunely cares about others. It is just when he is tired and feels like he isn't in control.
 

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It is normal behavior. My DD is 4 and 4 months and went through a really rude and bossy phase. It's better, but she's going through a fragile emotions one now. We make a point of modeling correct behavior even when she loses control of hers. So for yelling at me and being rude I'd calmly say "that hurts my ears and my feelings" and if it kept up I'd suggest maybe she might want to go to her room until she was less angry. One thing that helps is reminding myself not to take my DD's rude behavior personal. It's just a phase, she's going through hormonal and developmental changes and if I continue to model the right behavior she'll get back in control and I'll see the pleasanter behavior again.<br><br>
4 is pretty intense for some kids. I know my DD went through a lot of major changes just since the summer.
 

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Oh, big hugs. That's hard. And it's equally hard for him. He's feeling these HUUUUGE emotions that override him and he's lashing out. Luckily, it sounds like he's mostly only lashing out at those he feels safest with.<br><br>
I know it sounds ... well, just try not to take it personally when he says things that should be hurtful. They would be hurtful if he meant them, but he doesn't and you know that.<br><br>
When my daughter, who is an emotional being, got into one of these states at that age, it was also because she was tired. We worked with her a bit on how to behave when she's tired (steps she could take - bath, quiet bedroom, easy-going movie, walk), but mostly just held her or were there for her as she worked through it and tried not to let her get to that point.<br><br>
When it would get really bad, I'd remind myself of how nasty I can be when I'm tired and just try to be as patient with her as my husband is with me in those times.<br><br>
As she's gotten older (she's 6 now), we've realized that she actually absorbed some of the things that we worked on with her and tries to catch herself before she gets to a bad place. She really enjoys doing a 'walking meditation' to help herself calm down and even out.<br><br>
This too will pass. Good luck.
 

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I would reflect the feelings behind the words. When my DD acts like this, 3 and 11 months, I say "You sound really mad right now" or "You are upset that..." I would talk to the other grown ups in his life and encourage them to respond in the same way. DD really responds when I talk with her about how I handle my BIG feelings.<br>
They all do this. And yes he is doing it with people that are safe. My dd does it with her friends and sister as well. I talk to her, not mid tantrum, about how it feels to hear those comments and how to express herself better. I tell her that I have to keep my body safe and one way to keep the body safe is to not listen to hurtful words. So sometimes she does have to go to her room or I have to go to my room to keep me safe.
 
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