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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
From doing something really rash.<br><br>
Okay, so if you read the other thread you'll know about stbx asking me if it was okay for women to call here. I tried to be polite about it and said that I wasn't willing to lie for him, but that I would politely take a message. I wouldn't cause any drama...<br><br>
So tonight I come home from shopping and dinner with a girlfriend, and the house is dark. We have two small kids, so I'm a bit concerned and I yell 'Hey, where are you stbx?!' Go downstairs, and there he is on the couch - phone in hand, and doing what you can imagine with the other.<br><br>
Now - I'm shocked. Like to hell and back. So I say 'WTF?' because he doesn't stop or anything, just gives me a look like 'get lost'. This is not how he would usually behave, I mean, even in his dumbest moments he has some common sese. Wanna know what he does?<br><br>
He mouths the name of the girl he's talking to (I know her because she's his new 'friend' on Facebook) and gets up and goes to the bedroom. So, I go upstairs and I'm just numb. Like, can't believe it. Then I come to my senses, go downstairs, bang open his door and demand he give me the phone.<br><br>
At that point, he says real fast 'I gotta go' or 'I'll call you back' (I missed which one) and gives me the phone and just stands there. Now I'm shaking I'm so mad and hurt and just feeling plain disgusting. I mean, what total and complete disrespect, right?<br><br>
If he was doing that, when he heard me coming down the stairs, he should have hung up the phone ASAP or at least pulled up his pants and acted like nothing was happening, or apologized - or SOMETHING.<br><br>
I just spent the last fifteen minutes crying my eyes out and now I have the hiccups; I feel like I'm five years old again and I just want my mum. It's not what he was doing (which is bad enough) it's the total disrespect he showed to me, like he doesn't care anymore.<br><br>
And to top it all off - before I left for dinner tonight, he hinted that he wanted to get lucky and he owed me a foot rub for being so decent lately. I just want to vomit, I'm feeling really nauseated and my head hurts from crying.<br><br>
Onto the the 'stop me' part - I wanna go on Facebook (because both our families and this woman are on there, all our friends, co-workers too...) and say exactly what I think about him, what he's done, and why we're really separating/divorcing. You know, I never hated him and right now I do.<br><br>
He needs to pay and he needs to be sorry.<br><br>
PS - this is 'nursemummy'. He knows I use that handle occasionally, and while I really don't think he cares, I wanted a change anyway.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
Couldn't read and not respond. Stay off the facebook, don't add to the drama. You're better than that! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Sweety: I totally validate your pain and anger. (Repeat 50 times.)<br><br>
But this is not the time for quick responses to regret. Plan a good, long, lasting strategy. Where YOU have a good life. And he's not part of it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Freefromitall</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13274007"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
Couldn't read and not respond. Stay off the facebook, don't add to the drama. You're better than that! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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Thanks for the reminder, it's true - I really hate drama. Wouldn't want to go there... I just want him to feel stupid, you know?<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Seasons</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13274040"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Sweety: I totally validate your pain and anger. (Repeat 50 times.)<br><br>
But this is not the time for quick responses to regret. Plan a good, long, lasting strategy. Where YOU have a good life. And he's not part of it.</div>
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Oh mama, the worst part is that I just don't want to care. He doesn't have a clue what he's doing and I wish I could have just laughed at how stupid he looked, or how clueless he is, but it really hurts right now. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I'm angry at myself for even letting me get so upset over something so worthless. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:
 

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stop being nice and be a B<br>
*** telling him to leave would probably be the easiest solution.<br><br>
Yuck.... try to forget about them, can you go see a movie
 

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How disgusting. :puke<br><br>
I felt the same way when I caught my (then-new) husband engaging in online conversations with women. The conversations were explicit, in one he even offered money for sex. I was so grossed out, but too hurt to be angry.<br><br>
Then angry at myself for feeling hurt instead of indignant.<br><br>
Please dont do the FB thing.<br><br>
When I caught stbx w/the online "relationships" I copied them, and e-mailed them to a boatload of people, including his mother (<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/2whistle.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="2whistle"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">. But he used it against me, telling everyone I was drunk (I think I was, actually) and obviously imbalanced. It worked for him. His family regarded me for months as a time-bomb ready to go off at any moment.<br><br>
Interestingly enough, I never drank again after that incident, and its been 3 years and counting.
 

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Oh Dear!! Even I feel like doing something rash, How disrespectfull!! Don't go to facebook though. You have class, unlike his tasteless act.
 

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Hon, please, throw him out this weekend, and get the baddest lawyer you can. Obviously, your stbx has no idea what "agreement" means, nor what "civilized" or "grownup" mean. All he knows is what "pole" means. The kids don't have to hear about divorce till you're ready; you can tell them that you and daddy had a fight about some grownup things, and he's gone to live at _____ for now. That the fight is not about them and they didn't do anything wrong, but if you look sad or are crying, that's why, and they'll see daddy _____.<br><br>
Please get him out of your house.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
I second Ginger (whom I beginning to <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> I think...) but also want to add...<br><br>
if he won't leave RIGHT THIS MINUTE...then collect your darling, dear children and head over to your best friend, good friend, mother's, father's, cousins, sisters home. Then you can set about getting a lawyer and getting things taken care of. You have every right to have a home free from disrespect. If you don't take steps to respect yourself, why would anyone else? I'm not trying to be harsh...I know these are difficult things...but REALLY.<br><br>
Then...you can do what I did to my xh when he refused to leave. I asked him politely. He refused. I left. Then I called x's brother and calmly explained that I could not live with my x anymore and that I needed bil to come get stbx. It took 3 days but I got my home back (and quickly changed the locks!). Or you could call a friend of his or his mother. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> Either way, be civil and respectful but just explain that you asked your stbx to leave due to issues you two are having and that he has refused and could they intercede so that the kids can stay in the their home. Stay calm and collected.<br><br>
The best line in a movie EVER: "I do not love you enough to hate you."<br><br>
Peace and blessing! What would you want your daughter to do in this situation? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
Jenne
 

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Get him out of your house immediately.<br><br>
Once your blood is no longer boiling (or at least down to a simmer) go onto FB and BLOCK your ex, this girl, and frankly, any friends there were really just his friends. You are just torturing yourself by being privy to all this.
 

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big ditto. block them on FB, get away from his disgusting disrespectfulness, and remember what Destiny's Child says: "I ain't gonna dis you on the internet, 'cause my mama taught me better than that!"
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ginger_rodgers</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13274753"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hon, please, throw him out this weekend, and get the baddest lawyer you can. Obviously, your stbx has no idea what "agreement" means, nor what "civilized" or "grownup" mean. All he knows is what "pole" means. The kids don't have to hear about divorce till you're ready; you can tell them that you and daddy had a fight about some grownup things, and he's gone to live at _____ for now. That the fight is not about them and they didn't do anything wrong, but if you look sad or are crying, that's why, and they'll see daddy _____.<br><br>
Please get him out of your house.</div>
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I agree totally agree with Ginger (and Jenne I am starting to<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> her also<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">) The children do need to know that they did NOTHING wrong. but the man needs to go what if you were a Dc that went to go find their father<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bigeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bigeyes"> Good luck Mama I would have FLIPPED OUT and probily thrown something at him<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/tomato.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="tomato"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">:
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ginger_rodgers</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13274753"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hon, please, throw him out this weekend, and get the baddest lawyer you can. Obviously, your stbx has no idea what "agreement" means, nor what "civilized" or "grownup" mean. All he knows is what "pole" means. The kids don't have to hear about divorce till you're ready; you can tell them that you and daddy had a fight about some grownup things, and he's gone to live at _____ for now. That the fight is not about them and they didn't do anything wrong, but if you look sad or are crying, that's why, and they'll see daddy _____.<br><br>
Please get him out of your house.</div>
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Thankfully enough, all the hysterics took place last night long after the girls were asleep (they're six and one).<br><br>
If I throw him out, I won't be able to make ends me for three months. I'm graduating in May and I'll be working as an RN at that point, so cash flow won't be an issue.<br><br>
You ladies are seriously the absolute best group ever. Thank you so much for all the kind words, advice and commiseration. Instead of going on rampage I took the advice and blocked him and everyone I casually know through him on Facebook. Cause again, you're all right - that would come back to haunt me sooner or later, and I'm not giving him ~any~ ammo.<br><br>
This morning I think he was expecting hell to rain down on him again, but I was calm and collected and said that I wasn't going to play ignoring games or talk through our oldest. I could be very angry and completely disgusted, but still act my age.<br><br>
So, I actually think he's more nervous now. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I'm calling my attorney on Monday to get the drafting pushed faster. He'll be back from holidays, and I'm going to say things are progressing faster than I like. Apparently the other woman is actually interested in a 'relationship' and he actually told me he doesn't think she trusts him. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
I totally choked on my coffee at that point.<br><br>
Anyway, I just want my girls protected, everything else is secondary. Once I get those papers signed with the custody and support (which he still agrees to, completely) he's going to get it with all the anger this scorned woman can summon. I so wish I had super powers...
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ceinwen</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13276522"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Anyway, I just want my girls protected, everything else is secondary.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ceinwen</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13276522"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Apparently the other woman is actually interested in a 'relationship' and he actually told me he doesn't think she trusts him. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br></div>
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OMG. When this hurts less, you're going to be able to appreciate how truly funny this is, and how much he deserves this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
And huge <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s to you. This has to be so hard.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ceinwen</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/13276522"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I so wish I had super powers...</div>
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He is so lucky you don't because I think something would be missing<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: (okay that was wrong of me to say but couldn't hold it in<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Ceinwen, just keep in mind that he isn't reliable, and if you're counting on his money, it can vanish overnight. The lawyer will help with that, and three months is not a long time as far as creditors are concerned. You'll be OK even if he packs up his money and leaves next week.
 

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What makes you think he'll actually move out in three months, and that you'll have your divorce/separation/etc. signed?<br><br>
I played nice for quite a while, and my X dragged things out for months and months, until I finally put the legal screws to him.<br><br>
Given your situation, things could quickly go down the tubes and get extremely ugly, living in the same house. If there's anyway you can beg, steal (hey, the govt does it), or borrow the money to get you by for the next few months so you can get X out.<br><br>
Do you have a job lined up? Where I am new grad RNs are having a hard time finding jobs b/c of hiring freezes (though better luck @ nursing homes).<br><br>
Glad to hear you made friends w/the block feature.
 

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If it helps . . . i outed mine on facebook. it didn't seem to hurt him anyone. no one seems to really care. that just makes it suck more. why is he still in your house again?
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
We just had a huge fight. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><br><br>
He's tired of 'being painted into a corner and being the bad guy'. He's 'always the bad guy in everything'. Also, he's let me insult him the past few days because he knows I'm angry.<br><br>
But 'now he's had enough'.<br><br>
I was trying to establish some ground rules for the next few months.<br><br>
And he was absolutely pissed that I told him what happened last night was disgusting. Apparently, I'm accusing his whole sexuality of being disgusting and he won't accept that.<br><br>
It's official - I have entered the Twilight Zone.<br><br>
Anyway, technically I could borrow the money to get by. However, I'm working shift work (twelve hours) right now and I need him here to watch the kids.<br><br>
I want him out so badly it's not even funny, I don't think I'm going to survive this, I really don't. Everything hurts so badly right now, I don't know what's right or wrong, or where to let go and where to hang on.<br><br>
I am not ready for this.
 
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