May I ask: what is the "emotional tone" of the hitting? Aggressive, angry? Or does it seem more random as in, trying to get yours or someone's elses attention? I do wonder if sometimes kids this age start hitting rather randomly simply because they're looking to make a connection, and need help remembering the best way to do it. Moreover, when our kids are little like this, I think they can feel overwhelmed by strangers, especially adults. Often feel pretty small in a big people's world. I do wonder if this kind of behavior doesn't just stem from a very basic need to be noticed. And well as he's probably realized, a hit will get you noticed.
DS goes through hitting phases from time to time--no strangers as of yet, but DH and I or other family members. I look for the emotion behind the action, and see if I can't come up with a way to meet the need of the emotion. If it seems more or less random (no anger attached to it), I give him an alternative way to connect with people: "DS, are you trying to get Auntie's attention? It's not okay to hit her, hitting hurts. If you'd like to walk up to her and say hello or give her a hug, I know she'd appreciate it." If the hit is carried out in anger, I might say something like, "You're angry because... it's OK to be angry. But it's not ok to hit. You can tell your friend that you're playing with that toy right now. " DS is 3 1/2, and I've found that by playing with him (ala, Playful Parenting), I can detect and help him with issues he's having. Hitting has been a key issue that we've dealt with in this way. Very helpful.
I think you're doing just fine--talking things through is always good. Keep it up. Often, it's just a matter of time. Talk about emotions, name them as best you can and give him ideas for better dealing with/expressing them. Aside from that, prevention. If you know he's tired, avoid situation that can overstim, or make sure he's close by you and if he does go in for the hit with someone, try to get there in time to catch him before it happens. Often, the most effective way of dealing with aggressive behaviors is to make sure you get there just before or while it's happening--then anything you say can be directly attributed to the act itself... stopping DS mid hit and having "the talk" has been much more effective than having to address after it's occured... then you're dealing with the victims emotions as well and things can get muddled from the toddler's perspective. Of course, it's not always possible in which case, focus first on the victim ("I'm so sorry. Are you ok?") and then on DS...
I'm rambling... the best to you. And know you're not alone! I actually had a friend go through this very same thing (with the strangers) and it was really just consistency and a matter of time.
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DS goes through hitting phases from time to time--no strangers as of yet, but DH and I or other family members. I look for the emotion behind the action, and see if I can't come up with a way to meet the need of the emotion. If it seems more or less random (no anger attached to it), I give him an alternative way to connect with people: "DS, are you trying to get Auntie's attention? It's not okay to hit her, hitting hurts. If you'd like to walk up to her and say hello or give her a hug, I know she'd appreciate it." If the hit is carried out in anger, I might say something like, "You're angry because... it's OK to be angry. But it's not ok to hit. You can tell your friend that you're playing with that toy right now. " DS is 3 1/2, and I've found that by playing with him (ala, Playful Parenting), I can detect and help him with issues he's having. Hitting has been a key issue that we've dealt with in this way. Very helpful.
I think you're doing just fine--talking things through is always good. Keep it up. Often, it's just a matter of time. Talk about emotions, name them as best you can and give him ideas for better dealing with/expressing them. Aside from that, prevention. If you know he's tired, avoid situation that can overstim, or make sure he's close by you and if he does go in for the hit with someone, try to get there in time to catch him before it happens. Often, the most effective way of dealing with aggressive behaviors is to make sure you get there just before or while it's happening--then anything you say can be directly attributed to the act itself... stopping DS mid hit and having "the talk" has been much more effective than having to address after it's occured... then you're dealing with the victims emotions as well and things can get muddled from the toddler's perspective. Of course, it's not always possible in which case, focus first on the victim ("I'm so sorry. Are you ok?") and then on DS...
I'm rambling... the best to you. And know you're not alone! I actually had a friend go through this very same thing (with the strangers) and it was really just consistency and a matter of time.
