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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I need some help and thought this would be the best place to go. My husband's colleague's wife just had a baby born with Down's Syndrome last week. My husband just left his job two weeks ago and so we just found out the baby was born. Because he isn't there, I don't know how they feel - blessed, upset, confused . . . I'm sending a baby gift and can't figure out what to say on the card. If they are very upset, will they feel like being congratulated? Any ideas would be helpful, especially from people who have special babies. What would you have wanted to hear?<br><br>
Thank you!<br><br>
(PS To make matters more confusing/touchy, they decided not to have testing after talking to my husband because he asked if they would do anything different. I don't know if they're upset now because they didn't have advanced warning. Help!)
 

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A baby with special is a baby first and foremost.<br>
I would send a card saying just what you usually say when someone has a new baby. Unles you are close to these people, and are offering some personal support, just leave it at that.
 

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I agree. A baby is a baby is baby, precious and perfect no matter what. Congratulating them on the birth of their babe, IMHO, is appropriate. If they are feeling down about it, this may remind them how blessed they are to have a child in a world where so many suffer from fertility issues. There are far worse things than Down's Syndrome.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I agree that a baby is a baby and a baby is wonderful. I just didn't want to be insensitive if I wrote a big congrtulations and they were feeling like there wasn't anything to celebrate. So thank you for the advice; hopefully however they are feeling a heartfelt how wonderful will hit the right spot.
 

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Boobyjuice,<br><br>
I have a little cousin who was born with Down's. Her parent's, like your friends, had no idea before her birth. They were initially shocked and a bit dismayed. My cousin (with whom I am quite close) said that her biggest heartbreak (after coming to terms with it) was having to tell every one and then have them feel sorry for her when she didn't feel sorry at all. She felt bad for disappointing every one else, as if she'd some how let them down.<br><br>
I understand very well the 'What do I say?' dilemma. It's hard when you have no idea about what 'place' they're in right now. I think that saying what's in your heart works best.
 

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I did not do testing with any of my children, so when Duncan was born with DS we were surprised (actually, we did not know for the first week - another story).<br><br>
We were hurt by the ppl who said nothing, did nothing bcuz they didn't know what to do. Also the ppl who said "I'm sorry".............<br><br>
They all meant well, I know, but it still hurt.<br><br>
Just congratulate them on the birth of their child. They had a baby, not down syndrome.<br><br><br>
El
 

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I know this is too late to be of any use to Boobyjuice, but for anyone else who will face the same thing:<br><br>
When Sam was born with DS, for the first couple of days I felt like the world had been pulled out from under me and nothing would ever be okay again. The thing that helped the most, absolutely, were the people who seemed genuinely thrilled to welcome Sam and didn't give the slightest hint that there was anything not to be joyful about. I didn't mind the people who expressed sympathy, because the only ones who did were among my very closest friends and family who knew how devastated I was. But it is the few people who were bubbling over with happiness for me who really made the difference.<br><br>
I got the best card from the 10-year-old daughter of a friend. She made it by hand; a big, smiling kitty cat with the words, "Don't worry; be happy!"<br><br>
For the record, dh and I adore Sam and truly believe he is a dream child who was sent from God. We would have ten more just like him. We went from "Why did this happen to <b>US</b> ?" to "How did we get so lucky?" All the other parents of kids with Down's that we've met say the same thing.
 
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