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What do you mean by domestic violence? Have you been physically violent towards him? Unless you have a conviction for assault against him, I think he's talking out of his rear and trying to scare you with empty threats. It's also super common for guys who are actually abusive themselves (verbally or physically) to try to turn around and accuse their partners of being abusive. It's also super common for them to come home from therapy saying things like, "My therapist says it's all your fault," or "My therapist says I'm not abusive" but when you actually talk to the therapist, that's not what they said at all.

As far as the "partly your fault" thing...sure, in any relationship, nobody is perfect. And maybe at some point down the road, you might want to look at how you acted through the relationship, and how you would want to act in future relationships. But if you're dealing with a mean (or even abusive) drunk, there's truly no good way to act. There's nothing you can do or say to make the relationship healthy. Honestly, this guy sounds like a deadweight in your life and it sounds like you'll be better off and happier without him.

I don't know if you've done this already, but I would really recommend checking out an al-anon meeting. I'm sorry you're going through all this, but I really think you're doing the right thing. Mean drunks don't magically get better. And of course, get a lawyer. It costs money but it's worth it. You're going to need to be working to protect yourself and your baby. Your STBX is certainly not going to step up and do the right thing on his own -- he sounds like the type of guy who will make things as difficult as possible. A lawyer will also be able to see through his ridiculous and empty threats, which he's using to try to scare, control and manipulate you.

Good luck.
 
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