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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
DS is 14 months old and has always coslept with me.

I want to be able to put him to sleep and to get out of bed and finish up my night without him.

I swear to you, he KNOWS when I get out of bed, even to pee (I am 6w pregnant) and will wake up and start screaming. I am so tired of this and I am getting very resentful toward him.

No, DH cannot help. He's not staying in the house with us right now.

It has gotten so bad that I put him in his crib and had to walk away. He screamed for an hour and a half tonight. 90 minutes straight!!!! I can't take this any more!!! I am pregnant and exhausted, I am babied-out by the end of the day and I need some sleep / alone time.

I need some time AWAY from my son.

Patting/holding him does not help. The only thing that has ever gotten him to sleep is nursing, and I have been losing my milk. I am trying to gradually wean him (but not completely) because it is also very painful on my nipple while pregnant.

What I want is to learn HOW I can put him to sleep so that he stays asleep and I can get out of bed.

I am turning into a mean and angry mommy because I am so sick of this night time crap. I need some time alone to recharge.

After the 90 minutes of crying, he's exhausted but playing on the floor. I don't know why he won't just go to sleep when he's tired.

Please, please, please, give me some advice. I am at the end of my rope.
 

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I wish I could offer you some wonderful words of wisdom. It sounds like you have a lot o your plate. As you know in a few weeks you will feel a lot better. maybe now is not the time to wean him. His not being able to be away from you is a sign he not even close to being able to wean. Is nursing through the pregnancy an option for you? I am not pregnant yet but will most likely nurse through it. Ds is still almost EBF. I know it is hard but CIOing is probably the worst thing you can do it starts that whole cycle of lack of trust etc. Letting him cry just will cause his stress level to go high and he will just up the ante. Have a routine that is easy to follow. wash up , reading and rocking. If he falls asleep before nursing well then he may oneed it when waking. If not nurse him to sleep.
One book that has helped a lot of my LLL friends is The No cry Sleep solution maybe this will help
Crib issue:
My ds is the same age and we just got a crib. He rarely sleeps in it. But when he does it is not very long 2-3 hours. We use it before we go to bed so he will be safe. as soon as I go to bed he comes into bed with me, we all sleep much better that way. One way I been able to sleep in the crib the first chunk of the night is to get in the crib and side lye nurse him. I know I can't do this for long as I will break the crib, but it is the only way I can prevent him from falling out of bed. This might help you get him used to the crib. I also sleep on his crib sheet the night before I put it on the bed. And I always have some type of white noise going. It may take sometime before ds is ready. Try to be patient and know that your pregnancy is taking a toll on him as well. I wish you much luck. Pm me if you need any more support.
 

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Okay, I feel really bad that no one has posted a reply, so I thought I'd give this a shot. (everyone is probably at a loss for ideas like you are!!
) First of all, don't feel bad about feeling aggravated. You have rights (like a few minutes to yourself
: )as well as your dc, and you certainly must be tired since you're pregnant on top of all of this!! I don't know if this will help, and hopefully it won't make you mad to hear
: but have you read the no-cry sleep solution? it talks quite a bit about moving a child out of the family bed (if this is something you're interested in), teaching a child to fall asleep without nursing and go BACK to sleep w/o nursing, etc. i realize that you are probably too tired to read a book, and certainly too tired to sit beside the bed and reassure your dc of your presence, ease your way out after a few nights, etc....BUT reading at least parts of the book might be helpful!! just skip around and see what interests you based on your dc's age and your time/patience level. i guess no huge advice here, but just the book recommendation and i wanted to say DON'T FEEL BAD....one last thought. since your ds is 14 mos., he really might understand more than you think. my dh and i are always amazed what our ds1 understands at 2 yrs old. so when you're sitting next to his bed (or whatever you decide to do), talk to him and reassure him that you love him but that you are going to go have mommy time but WILL COME BACK when he is asleep.
 

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Something that worked for DC was when we all (DH, DC and I) got our own blankets. Also, maybe if you just keep getting up and coming back to him if he wakes. He might wake and cry many times with you coming back but maybe he'll start sleeping for longer without you just from needing the sleep.
 

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haha, hipmummy you beat me to it!! i think that's a pretty popular book around here!
 

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here's what we do (we've had our own problems with sleep lately but never with the getting out of bed thing). sometimes i'm still walking her to sleep and sometimes just sitting on the bed gets her to sleep but either way if she's still on the boob, i put her down still latched and then side nurse her for a bit. lately she's been pulling off on her own and rolling over but before i always waited until the fluttery sucking started and pulled her off myself.

also, could you try sidecarring your crib? i move dd into hers when we go to bed so she isn't so aware of my presence and it's seemed to help. i now have it set up so the mattresses are on diff. levels but i can still get to her in the night to nurse back down without picking her up.

i agree with pp, don't cio and don't wean now. it sounds like he needs you and from what i've heard around here lately from my own and others battles-this is a rough age. hope that helps-it sounds like you need some support more than anything. i know dh is unavailable, any family or friends close that could give you a break?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
We're sleeping on a mattress on the floor, so I can't sidecar. The crib is next to the mattress we're sleeping on. He's never slept in it, and never really even sat in it.

I've had some success with the pulling the boob out after nursing, but it's usually within 10 minutes that he's up again, sometimes 15.

I totally don't believe in CIO, and I feel like such a shitty mom for even letting him cry as much as he did. I just felt so much at the end of my rope, it was either let him cry or for me to jump out the window. I read some of the other threads about how moms are putting their babies to sleep and I feel like such a failure!!! He's a totally spirited child with a mind of his own and a will of steel. I am so jealous to read how some moms can easily put their children in a pack and play or a crib and they drift off to sleep themselves!?!?!? This has NEVER happened with us - not even once from his birth! I've seen my friends babies lie their heads down on the floor when they're tired, even. Never!

He sleeps about 7 hours a night and nurses still probably about 12-14 times a night. So if you average that out, it's about once every half hour. That makes it more difficult as I wake up every time he nurses, so I never really get a full night's sleep. Not that 7 hours is a full night's sleep when pregnant, but ykwim.

I actually DO have the No cry Sleep Solution here that I picked up from the LLL library but haven't had a chance to crack it open. I will, though. I am desperate.

What upsets me the most is how frustrated I get with him after the hours of screaming! I don't WANT to be around him! I feel like such a bad mom for feeling that way. But it comes to a point where I've had ENOUGH and don't know what to do.

Sorry, I'm just venting.
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You did what you had to do for your sanity. Don't feel bad. I remember being pregnant and still cosleeping with my first, and she was older and not nearly that needy and it was still really hard. You didn't damage him-sometimes we have to walk away just to get a break and not lose our minds.

You could try putting a crib in your room, and making him sleep there. After a few nights of misery he may be willing to do it if he realizes you're not going to take him out even if he complains loudly. You can still be there, shhhing him and all that, so he's not CIO-ing.

For me, it got 20 times harder when my 2nd was born and my 1st was still in bed with me. I had months of SERIOUS sleep deprivation before I finally kicked her and my husband out to the other room! Cosleeping with 2 was really awful for me though I know it works for some people.
 
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