[LittlePeanut]

DH is very supportive and has become quite the lactivist himself. He's a former FF baby who is now anti-formula. He even talks to people at work about BF and corrects much of the misinformation out there. He really has come so far.

However...

In a few weeks we are headed to a friend's wedding (in England) and the SIL whom we will be staying with is 7 months pregnant. Yesterday he said, "If the topic of BF comes up, please just dont get into it." I think he's concerned I'll get up on my soapbox and alienate myself and him if I push the topic.

I told him that in no uncertain terms that I WOULD be talking to this girl about BF. I respect her decision to parent whatever way she chooses but I would like her to have the CORRECT info and support should she choose to use it.

I would love to be able to take her to a LLL meeting and set her up with all the resources she needs to successfully BF but DH is concerned that I may push her into it

:

Keeping in mind that this girl is DH's bestfriend's SIL (married to the friend's little brother). I know her enough but she is quite shy and has difficulties saying no or stating her opinion. They are a young couple who do not have any other friends with babies. I would love to see her become a mentor to her group of friends. I just keep thinking that if she BF then it is more likely that her friends will also BF, kwim? She is a very involved in her church as her DH hopes to one day become a vicar (aka minister).

Atleast I know she won't be circ'ing since it would not be in their religion to do so and it's not a standard practice over there... That's one conversation I won't be needing to have

What do you think I should do? How would you handle the situation?

TIA

LP

 

[Claire and Boys]

I've been in this situation many times.

What i do is offer support. In the UK there isn't the ready access to LCs there is in the USA, so a friend who has BFed is invaluable. So I ask them if they plan to BF, if they do, say you are there to help with any advice they need. Then provide handouts etc with some helpful stuff. Lots of people don't BF or fail early because of lack of knowledge or lack of proper support.

HTH!

 

[bellymama]

as long as you stay respectful and don't become aggressive about it, discussing bfing is not something you shouldn't do. because it is a social situation, you want to stay within the realm of politeness...talk about how you feel, your experiences, hopefully she will ask questions and be interested. if she is clearly uninterested, or begins to feel like you are attacking her, you should back off. but avoiding the topic completely is ridiculous....you just don't want to be looked at as a crazed lactavist...you want her to feel comfortable talking with you.
i am sure that was probably what you were going to do anyway. i doubt you planned on bringing bill boards and a megaphone and doing a one woman nurse in, right

?

 

[mama24-7]

My dh is this way too and often tells me that I should just not bring up the subject or change the subject.

When I can think quickly enough, I do try to correct misinformation. ALthough sometimes, I'm so shocked by what people say, I can't think of the appropriate response that wouldn't be hurtful or imply complete stupidity.

The one time I did manage to think quickly enough was w/ my SIL. She's childless (has been trying for 3 years, refuses to look into let alone try anything natural

, has 2 friends who've had 5 children between them and none of them has been BF'd. There was one day shortly after ds was born that dd was talking about giving the bird she was calling her baby a bottle. When I told her, in front of SIL, that you feed your babies w/ your breasts, she asked me later if I didn't want dd to know about bottles. I said that I ddin't have a problem w/ her knowing about bottles, I just didn't want her to think it was the normal way to feed babies. She said "well, we won't go there." I said, "Biologically, it is not normal." SHe shut up and never brought it up again.

My hope is that I've educated her a little. I know she wants to have breast reduction but plans to wait until after she's had children. She does plan to BF but thinks beyond the "normal" amount of time is abnormal, aka beyond a year is harmful to the child. Hopefully she'll come around.

Sus

 

[elanorh]

I think the easiest "low key" approach is to give a list of books that you found helpful while pregnant.

I give a list -- pregnancy books, baby books, and breastfeeding books. With a comment about how there are SO MANY out there, and I found these ones helpful. I have been known to "loan" "my" copies of certain books on that list, to the person in question.

My BF books:
So That's What They're For!
The Womanly Art (LLL)
Newman's Ultimate Guide to Breastfeeding
Sears' Breastfeeding Book
[I've heard good things about Dr. Mom's Guide, but haven't read it]

I also recommend Our Babies, Ourselves; The Sears Books; The Mother of All (Pregnancy) (Baby) Books .... Tell them that I found the WTE books patronizing and inaccurate (I have a background in nutrition); and I did give SIL a printout of the anti-Ezzo information to review (as her best friend does it

).

The easiest thing is to just bring So That's What They're For with you, and give it and a basic baby book (Sears?) to her as a baby gift. And offer that she can call you anytime with questions/problems (remind her that even late at night her time, you're still awake!).

 

[LittlePeanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by elanorh I think the easiest "low key" approach is to give a list of books that you found helpful while pregnant.

That's what I was planning as well as sites like kellymom, LLL and Dr. Newman.

Quote:

I give a list -- pregnancy books, baby books, and breastfeeding books. With a comment about how there are SO MANY out there, and I found these ones helpful. I have been known to "loan" "my" copies of certain books on that list, to the person in question.

Can you belive that I found a new copy of "Newman's Ultimate Guide to Breastfeeding" for 99 cents?! I'd loan it to her but I always worry about loaning things out and never seeing them again. It would certainly cost a lot more to replace

I also have "The Mother of All Baby Books" I could possibly loan her.

Quote:

And offer that she can call you anytime with questions/problems (remind her that even late at night her time, you're still awake!).

I really like that point! I'll certainly let her know I'm available to assist her as best I can.

I will also let her know that I have personally supported a first time mom with no local support available to her via MSN chats, email and PMs (she lives over a 4 hour flight away from me). So longdistance support is totally doable!

Thanks mamas for all the great input and no I won't be doing a one woman nurse in, I will leave my megaphone at home

LP