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  • go to the shower, with present

    Votes: 41 53.9%
  • go to the shower, but don't bring a present

    Votes: 1 1.3%
  • don't go to the shower at all

    Votes: 24 31.6%
  • other?

    Votes: 10 13.2%
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Discussion Starter #1
Some co-workers are giving a shower for another co-worker, pregnant with a boy, who has already re-buffed my attempts to educate her about circ. (She basically told me she doesn't want to hear about it anymore.)<br><br>
In your opinion, would I be justified in skipping her shower? (It's right after work one day, at work.)
 

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IMO You should go...IF you want to go. If you like this lady, you get along well and this is something you want to do- then go. If you really don't want to go, or don't get along with her- then don't go. I don't see what her decision to circ or not to circ has to do with it. This co-worker is going to make MANY choices that you won't agree with.
 

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other. How close are you and the coworker? Do you work in a small office or a big place? There are so many variables to this question. If you are close with her and this is the only reason stopping you, I say go. You'll never convince others to do things your way all the time, no matter who's right or wrong.<br>
On the other hand, if you don't care for her too much to begin with, then skip it.<br>
Regardless, I would not ever go to a shower without a gift, I believe that to be rude.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Actually I work at a school, so she and I are both teachers. A big group of us (maybe 15--20) eat lunch together every day. So I get along with her and see her often but we're not really friends, kwim?<br><br>
yarngoddess, the point, FOR ME, is that I consider circ to be child abuse (and I do realize that not everyone sees it that way.) She's also thinking about an elective C-section, but that isn't a painful thought for me, the way circ is. It just hurts my heart to think about anyone circ'ing. So I can go to the shower and fake a smile, or just skip it and be more authentic.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>yarngoddess</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15403797"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">IMO You should go...IF you want to go. If you like this lady, you get along well and this is something you want to do- then go. If you really don't want to go, or don't get along with her- then don't go. I don't see what her decision to circ or not to circ has to do with it. This co-worker is going to make MANY choices that you won't agree with.</div>
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I agree.<br><br>
ETA: I guess, the thing is, if you are going to pick the day planned to celebrate her new baby to boycott b/c she is circ'ing (though, I would bet no one would put two and two together unless you mentioned it), then you might as well not go to lunch with her, or give congrats when the baby is born, etc. The baby shower has as much to do with circumcision as anything else in her life b/c her life is about to be consumed with a new baby, yk? And about a gift - I see no reason not to give one. Also has no relation to your feelings on circumcision. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">
 

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I can see why as a self-protective measure you might not want to go to the shower....unlike lunch, the shower is an event that is all about BABY BABY BABY coming and you know what this poor innocent baby boy is going to suffer on day 1 or day 2 of life because his mother and father are la la la we're not LISTENING for whatever misguided reasons are driving them to want to cut part of their baby's penis off.<br><br>
I say, just don't go -- not because it's punishment for her, but because it's emotional protection for you so that you don't have to sit through the celebration with gritted teeth and a heavy heart.<br><br>
Whether you give a present is up to you. I'd be more inclined to contribute to a group present than get her something individual.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Quirky</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15404149"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I can see why as a self-protective measure you might not want to go to the shower....unlike lunch, the shower is an event that is all about BABY BABY BABY coming and you know what this poor innocent baby boy is going to suffer on day 1 or day 2 of life because his mother and father are la la la we're not LISTENING for whatever misguided reasons are driving them to want to cut part of their baby's penis off.<br><br>
I say, just don't go -- not because it's punishment for her, but because it's emotional protection for you so that you don't have to sit through the celebration with gritted teeth and a heavy heart.<br><br>
Whether you give a present is up to you. I'd be more inclined to contribute to a group present than get her something individual.</div>
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Thanks for understanding!<br><br>
You're right........skipping the shower wouldn't be a "statement," per se; it's just that it would be hard for me.
 

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Discussion Starter #9

Drummer's Wife;15403887 said:
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Well, it's not so much that I go to lunch "with" her. It's just that there's only one faculty lunchroom, and we have the same lunch, so we both end up there.
 

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I couldnt do it sit there seeing her pg and knowing what she planned to do. I loose sleep over circ anyway and that would just be to painful for me.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MCatLvrMom2A&X</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15404208"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I couldnt do it sit there seeing her pg and knowing what she planned to do. I loose sleep over circ anyway and that would just be to painful for me.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that"> I wouldn't go either. I loose too much sleep over circ & have to protect myself.<br><br>
sus
 

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Discussion Starter #12
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Proxi</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15404089"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Make an excuse up, but still give present.</div>
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The more I think about it, the more I like this idea. I can give her something but not sit, miserably, through the shower.
 

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I said go with a present. Even if she's not your favorite person in the world, it would speak highly of you, if you show her kindness and caring respect eventhough you disagree. Although, I understand perfectly why you wouldn't want to go.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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A&A, I guess I change my vote to not go but send a gift b/c if you are really going to be hurting inside and forcing yourself to act happy about the new mom-to-be, then I see no reason to go through that torture. I was thinking, originally, that you didn't want to attend b/c you were so upset with her for not listening to you, and for making the awful decision to consent to circumcision. Because then, I don't see not going accomplishing anything or changing her mind. For your own well-being, you should skip it.<br><br>
Me? I went to a good friend's baby shower and enjoyed celebrating the whole time. I don't think it crossed my mind while she was opening gifts or visiting with guests to be sad about what was going to happen to her son's penis in a couple weeks. I'm just being honest here, and as much as I agree that circ'ing is horrible, awful, unnecessary, and dangerous (etc.) it's not something I dwell on whenever thinking about an acquaintance's new baby.<br><br>
Anyway, here's hoping for a miracle and that your co-worker changes her mind before her son is born.
 

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I say skip the shower and send or contribute to a gift. I couldn't sit there and say nothing, so rather that risk "ruining" her shower for her, I'd skip it. Maybe schedule an appointment so you have a legitimate excuse: pedicure, massage, root canal...whatever takes your mind off of it and allows you to be truthful when you say you have an appointment.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ron_Low</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15405568"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Skip it. Send gift. Gift is pro-intact baby care book.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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I'd decline attending the shower.<br><br>
I'd give her a subscription to Mothering Magazine and I'd order the special circumcision compilation if there is time for it to arrive on her doorstep before the birth.<br><br>
I completely understand the difficutly in celebrating the life of a new baby who is going to be scarred by circumcision and I personally would not wish to attend out of my own self preservation.
 

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If I did not have a close friendship with this person already then I would not go <b>and</b> I also would not foster any more of a realtionship with this person.
 
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