[maxwill129]

I haven't heard from my friend in a week and now she just emailed me saying that her and her husband are going to possibly split up. I guess they've been fighting a lot lately and I know that part of the fighting is over this whole homebirth thing. She doesn't want to talk to anyone right now, but I feel like I should do something for her. I'm so scared that she's going to end up raising kids alone, going to a hospital to give birth when she shouldn't, ...

What do I do?! I know this has really nothing to do with my original post, but I really need help and so does she!!!

Thanks, mamas. I'm just so upset over this. She is my best friend and it just kills me to hear this news.

 

[2+twins]

I'm so sorry to hear that! I think all you can do is let her know that you're there for her, however she should need you. Even if it's just to listen to her cry. But sadly there's not really anything you can do to change things between them. I hope they work through whatever the issues are.

 

[BowenTherapist]

this is bowens hubby. walkin by and saw this page open, so i figured i put in my 2 cents. what makes you think that all that info will sway his way of thinking? my wife has tried giving me info on alternative stuff. and most of the time, i just say no to reading it. sure it would "enlighten" me on the alternative ways, but all it is most of the time is someones point of view.
how do we know the real truth? i think there have been plenty of good births at hospitals, as well as bad things happening and the doctor gets praise for fixing something he screwed up in the first place

now, our daughter was a home waterbirth and things went perfect! my wife wanted to do all this out of the norm stuff for the birth and i said why not? she should be comfortable, after all SHES the one carrying all that time and doing all the work at the end.
but i WILL tell you problems im having now with some of her alternative info.
We cosleep. our daughter is almost 3 now, and most times im woken up at least 3 times a night! fun for someone who has to get up at 6am every morn for a hour drive! whee!!
this cosleeping crap is ruining my work day! and it's all because of some thing my wife read. im an easy going guy, so its getting to a point when im going to have to sleep in our daughters bed. and when our next baby comes by in august, i guess my wife will have to sleep with both of them... no room!
guess they'll have to make an up to date version of "make room for daddy"

final point is, dont believe EVERYthing you read. all kids are different.

 

[wumanh]

Hope bowen and her husband can talk things over and come to an agreement. What are the fears each has? What creative ways can these be addressed and everyone's needs met? Can you see things from the other's perspective? Not just tolerate but really understand?
Example- for co-sleeping- if you both agree it's best for baby can you attach a co-sleeper to your bed so you have more room or just have wall to wall mattress so everyone can have space yet be together?
Does hubby have a realistic expectation of what life is like with kids? They do wake up a lot at night those first years. Some parents will put the baby to bed in another bed/room so they have a few hours (hopefully

) of alone time in their bed before baby comes in.
Fear is a big interference in labor. If she wants to be in the hospital can hubby promise to be on the alert and remind every caregiver every time they touch her to not have latex on? How about a doula taking on that job?
We do have creativity in us to solve our problems.

 

[BowenTherapist]

i dont see it as her perspective, its more of what she read and seems liek automatically went with because its an alternative thinking. and thats what happens in 3rd world countries

 

[cathicog]

I T A. There should be a point at which the bed is for Mom and Dad. Period. I co-slept with our small babies, but by 3-6 months, they were in thier own bed. I would not let a baby come between the husband/wife relationship like that. This is one of the places where i disagree with the AP philosophy. Person/God relationship first, Husband/wife relation ship comes second, then relationships with kids. That order.

 

[Raven]

Please keep this thread on topic. Feel free to start another thread in the appropriate forum.