[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

OK, I'm really struggling to keep perspective at the moment. My 4 1/2 year old DS is pushing every button I have and has for more than a month now. He screams/cries/whines (all at once) about everything. "It's not fair" seems to be the motto of the moment. He won't cooperate with anything, fun or not-so-fun. He regularly tells me he doesn't like me and he thinks I don't like him. At the moment, he's not far off. He's generally being a real pain in the whatever.

So, in response to some of the other "authorative discipline is bad" threads lately, I start to yearn for what those methods claim they produce. An instantly obedient kid who doesn't cry or scream, who will follow requests, who doesn't hit or kick me or baby sister, who goes to be bed when told to, who eats what is on his plate... Basically, a Stepford Kid. Yeah, the method they use the get there turns my stomach. But the results sound so appealing.

Someone, please remind me why I don't want to go this route?

 

[scorpioqueen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom So, in response to some of the other "authorative discipline is bad" threads lately, I start to yearn for what those methods claim they produce. An instantly obedient kid who doesn't cry or scream, who will follow requests, who doesn't hit or kick me or baby sister, who goes to be bed when told to, who eats what is on his plate... Basically, a Stepford Kid. Yeah, the method they use the get there turns my stomach. But the results sound so appealing. Someone, please remind me why I don't want to go this route?

Umm I have that child

: however keep in mind all kids are diffrent, and mine is young (20 months) s tommorow I could be singing a diffrent tune, Tantrums are very rare in our house and when they occur they last maybe 20 seconds tops. and there more of a whinning type no all out screaming, yes she cries sometimes heck shes only 20 months but is super easy to console. She does almost anything I ask of her "as long as its age appropiate for her" so If I say leave the lights alone, or please don't climb on that ect she stops. I can trust her with crayons, safety sissors ect "within reason", she doesn't hit or kick me and so far has restrained her self with other kids. (no sibbling yet) Bedtime is a cinch a kiss good night no crying, no getting out of bed (shes in a toddler bed and I don'r even bother to close the door anymore) Now she doesn't always eat whats on her plate, but she doesn't throw food and sits "quietly" through a meal... Jealous yet? LOL
Well guess what I have never struck my child , no spanking, no hand slaps, squeezing, pinching ect.. I have never raised my voice above a firm no even that is only when there is danger and I need her to imediently stop for safety reasons. We don't use formal timeouts or other "traditional punishments" We teach by example, lots of redirrection, repeation, talking, ect.
I just want to say GD does work have faith in what you are doing because It does work.

Deanna

 

[girrllie]

I, too, would like a child like that - what heaven! Seriously, do you know any like that? Do you think I could borrow them? At least for a night or so

?

My sister and her husband even more so parent in a very authoritarian way - the way you describe. Her children, 4 and 6 are defiant, aggressive, unpleasant, very angry, dangerous children to be around. Much more so than any child I've met that is GD'd, even if the parents are on the low side of GD.

Actually, the whole family is unpleasant to be around with all the warning about spankings, actual spankings, and quite of bit of yelling and threats going on.

When I start to doubt or get frustrated, I try to do an emotional check-in. What kind of atmosphere do I want to create in my house and family? How do I want my child to feel over the long-haul (day to day is sometimes much more difficult)? Do I want my child to be scared of me, which most children are who are parented that way, or do I want her to love and cuddle with me and share her thoughts, problems, and her life?

Now . . .if you could just send that perfect child over to Florida pronto, I will be happy to "parent" them

!

 

[scorpioqueen]

i'm packing her up

http://img33.photobucket.com/albums/...t=P1010030.jpg

Deanna

 

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Thanks -- the laugh helped! What a cute photo of a cute child.

Seriously, I've never actually struck either of my children, though I have been losing it and yelling lately. And I know that changing from GD to a total "spank long and hard until they don't rebel anymore" philosphy would be totally wrong on every imaginable level. But sometimes "they" make it sound so good and SOOOO much easier.

 

[sunnmama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom "spank long and hard until they don't rebel anymore" philosphy would be totally wrong on every imaginable level. But sometimes "they" make it sound so good and SOOOO much easier.

*Possibly easier when the kids are small. Easier, but not better.

What happens when the kids are too big to spank? And they know it?!

GD can be much, much tougher than authoritarian parenting. Takes a *lot more work to stay connected and work through problems together than it does to achieve obedience through fear and pain. But it is so worth!

Sounds like you and ds are having a really miserable time right now. Has something changed to trigger his behavior? Hugs for your, mama, and your little guy too (((hugs))))

 

[LoveBeads]

I can only offer the advice of trying to break the cycle as best you can, usually humor or something totally off base will work for me. If DD starts whining, I'll cover my ears, make a funny face and say, "blah, blah, blah" and that can usually get her laughing and using a regular voice.

I'm sorry....I understand how hard it is!