Mothering Forum banner

1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
341 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
am i the only person who gets more than a little annoyed when birthing books want you to rename things to make them sound less threatening? examples: contractions become surges or rushes, pain becomes pressure, even things like mucous plug becomes uterine seal...<br><br>
i am a full grown woman who can handle hearing the medical and common use names of things without associating so much negative connotations to them that i completely fall apart and become a wreck, thanks. these are contractions, and that is neither good or bad in and of itself.<br><br>
i just find it a little insulting, personally. if i were in a class and someone asked me to change my language or replace the medical term with their word, i would probably walk out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
263 Posts
Yes, I do feel the same way about things like this. Even language in child-rearing that is constantly changing bothers me. While I understand the meaning behind those much of the time, I'm often feeling "behind the times" when I don't know the proper terminology to explain what I'm doing with my child.<br>
You're not alone...it gets on my nerves too!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,234 Posts
There's this book about modern obstetric care called "Pushed" that I keep on raving about, and the author slams on that very issue. She tells this story of one birth instructor's euphemisms for contractions--just inane, condescending cutesy phrases like "angel kisses" and "star flutters."<br>
I think I would really get violent. I'm intelligent and educated, and coming up with new names that are supposed to make poor scared little girly me feel better is just insulting. My uterus is contracting. It's a contraction. I'm fine with that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,755 Posts
I'm doing Hypnobabies, and I'll start by saying that I'm really feeling a lot of benefits from it - I am SO much better at relaxing my mind and body, and I think it will come in handy for birth.<br><br>
But good lord. She also doesn't use the word contractions. She calls them loving, warm birthing (or pressure) waves that feel like a big hug. That bugs the crap out of me, seriously. I don't think contraction is a negative word. I can understand not wanting to use the term "labor pain" or something, since it focuses on pain, but contraction? That's what it's DOING - contracting. I don't have an issue with that word. But some of my BH have certainly not felt like a big warm hug, for @$#%'s sake. It's like telling a little kid that the shot at the doctor's office isn't gonna hurt, it's gonna feel like an angel landing on their arm.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
397 Posts
I've never been in labor before, but I understand there is SOME level of pain involved...why pretend there isn't??? Aren't we just setting 1st time moms up for panic when we feel PAIN instead of PRESSURE? Or will I be so embarrassed after my son is born, that I'll talk of my 'surges' as pleasant experiences because I don't dare own up to not enjoying the sensations accompanying labor and delivery?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,808 Posts
See, the thing that bugs me about such programs (acknowledging that i haven't actually read any Hypnobabies material, but I've read Hypnobirthing and Birthing From Within, and was bugged by both) is that by dumbing down the language that way, IF they do convince any moms (especially first-timers) that the contractions are just hugs and fairy kisses, then when real labor rolls around, and it starts to feel more like those fairies are assaulting you, where does that leave the mom? Feeling like something is wrong, because the sensation is so different than what she expected? Afraid that something is wrong with the baby, or deflated because apparently she just can't "handle" simple rushes? Either way, it seems to me it's setting a lot of moms up for a big let down.<br><br>
Me, I want to go into this (all things, but especially this!) with my eyes wide open. Yep, labor hurts, for me. At moments it hurts like hell, and is overwhelming and I lose my confidence for a moment and chicken out, wish I could back out. But I don't, and I go forward, and conquer each one, one at a time. I keep telling myself, "I can handle ANYTHING for 15 seconds!" And along with the pain is plenty of grace. Even euphoria.<br><br>
And I know that there are lots of moms that wish for, work for and achieve pain-free births, and that's awesome for them! It's not something that I personally am all that worried about. Honestly, I welcome the pain (and I have no qualms about using that word, because it is the appropriate term IME), and it's not because I'm a masochist, I promise you that! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
But knowing that there is pain, that it is DAMN HARD, is what gives me strength to mother my children. Because, IME, the only thing harder--and at times more painful--than giving birth is being a mom every day for the rest of my life. Childbirth is just a little bitty warm-up for what lies ahead, IMO! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,803 Posts
I found the language Ina May Gaskin uses in describing birth a little annoying and sometimes silly, although I really love her books and admire her greatly. And while I can accept the use of those terms I consider unecessary and sometimes misleading, I'm not going to be using them myself.<br><br>
I use perineum (although I apparently can't spell it, or pronouce it, correctly), contraction, and pain when describing the details of birth and don't see any need to sugar coat my experience or tell anyone that they should expect to feel what I felt...maybe some ppl do have a taint, experience rushes, and pressure...just not me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
Christa
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,234 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SheBear</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9865222"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">See, the thing that bugs me about such programs (acknowledging that i haven't actually read any Hypnobabies material, but I've read Hypnobirthing and Birthing From Within, and was bugged by both) is that by dumbing down the language that way, IF they do convince any moms (especially first-timers) that the contractions are just hugs and fairy kisses, then when real labor rolls around, and it starts to feel more like those fairies are assaulting you, where does that leave the mom? Feeling like something is wrong, because the sensation is so different than what she expected? Afraid that something is wrong with the baby, or deflated because apparently she just can't "handle" simple rushes? Either way, it seems to me it's setting a lot of moms up for a big let down.<br><br>
Me, I want to go into this (all things, but especially this!) with my eyes wide open. Yep, labor hurts, for me. At moments it hurts like hell, and is overwhelming and I lose my confidence for a moment and chicken out, wish I could back out. But I don't, and I go forward, and conquer each one, one at a time. I keep telling myself, "I can handle ANYTHING for 15 seconds!" And along with the pain is plenty of grace. Even euphoria.<br><br>
And I know that there are lots of moms that wish for, work for and achieve pain-free births, and that's awesome for them! It's not something that I personally am all that worried about. Honestly, I welcome the pain (and I have no qualms about using that word, because it is the appropriate term IME), and it's not because I'm a masochist, I promise you that! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
But knowing that there is pain, that it is DAMN HARD, is what gives me strength to mother my children. Because, IME, the only thing harder--and at times more painful--than giving birth is being a mom every day for the rest of my life. Childbirth is just a little bitty warm-up for what lies ahead, IMO! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Yes indeed. Giving birth will hurt--hopefully not unbearably, but it will hurt--and I accept that fact. I'd rather someone tell me, "Right, look here, this is gonna be tough and painful and you're gonna have to be strong and fight your way through this. But then it'll be over and you'll have your baby."<br>
I think it is...what's the word I'm looking for...demeaning, or under-valuing, or underestimating women to think that they're dainty frightened little things who need to be told that childbirth will feel like pixies tap dancing on their tummy.<br>
That was one thing I really felt the need to discuss with Aaron. I wanted to be sure he knew, in addition to being messy and bloody and all, that him being there would mean him seeing me in pain. And the thing I would need most from him was to help me stay strong.<br>
Somewhat off topic: I had this one really awful, horrible, alcoholic, emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend. He once drove me to get a surgical procedure, and he made a big stink because he wanted to be there in the room with me to get it done. I really didn't care if he was there or not, I just wanted it over. But he had to make a scene and make it about himself. And he was telling the doctors, "She's really scared and wants me there." More than anything else, that memory gets me so angry. I wasn't scared, and I didn't appreciate him telling a third party that I was.<br>
When I hear people trying to minimize labor in cutesy ways, I get that same sense of ire. Do I want to be protected, emotionally supported and helped through labor? Sure. But I want it acknowledged that I'm engaged in an incredibly intense struggle and to a large degree I have to go it alone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
520 Posts
I don't mind <i>some</i> of the renaming. Some things are so ingrained in us by how we've always heard them used, that some people can't find their way into a different mindset when using that language. "Fairy Farts" is not an appropriate replacement for "contraction," but "pressure wave" and "surge" can be. I don't mind the word "labor." Easy or painful, it's still a lot of work and I want that fact appreciated since so little about birth is. But I do refer to it, just because I like it, as "birth day" instead of "going into labor."<br><br>
If you're so strong as to be able to overcome, or have avoided in the first place, a lifetime of negative programming, congratulations. Not everyone is. Nice to have options.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,755 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SheBear</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9865222"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">See, the thing that bugs me about such programs (acknowledging that i haven't actually read any Hypnobabies material, but I've read Hypnobirthing and Birthing From Within, and was bugged by both) is that by dumbing down the language that way, IF they do convince any moms (especially first-timers) that the contractions are just hugs and fairy kisses, then when real labor rolls around, and it starts to feel more like those fairies are assaulting you, where does that leave the mom? Feeling like something is wrong, because the sensation is so different than what she expected? Afraid that something is wrong with the baby, or deflated because apparently she just can't "handle" simple rushes? Either way, it seems to me it's setting a lot of moms up for a big let down.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
LOL at the fairies assaulting you. I'm seriously imagining a bunch of fairies (these fairies actually - <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/dust.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dust">) flying around beating the crap out of laboring women.<br><br>
I'm glad I've read a lot of birth stories where women freely express their pain level and how they felt like they couldn't do it, and stuff. It doesn't scare me - it lets me know that hey, this isn't gonna be the most comfortable experience of my life. I know I have lots of relaxation tips up my sleeve, and all kinds of ideas for more comfortable positions and places to labor, and an awesome birth team, and I'm really glad about that... but I think it's good to know what I'm getting into. I feel like if I breeze in thinking it's gonna be like one warm big hug and I'm just gonna feel pressure and we're all gonna float around like angels, when the going gets tough, I could get REALLY down on myself. Pain and discomfort, on the other hand, I have some sort of understanding of, and I know that experiencing that is normal and not some kind of failure on my part to feel it all as pressure and hugs.<br><br>
Thinking back to my comparison to the child getting the shot... I remember my pedi when I was little. The nurse, if she was giving me a shot, would tell me it wasn't gonna hurt, and then TELL me it didn't hurt even though it did. The doctor, on the other hand, would tell me that yes, it was gonna hurt, but then it would be over and I could choose a lollipop for myself and one to take home to my brother. I prefer that attitude. Rather than thinking "this is gonna be painless," I'd rather think, "this is going to be difficult, but I can do it, and I think it's going to be really empowering to SEE that I can do it, and at the end I will get to see and hold and snuggle this baby who has become the focus of my life since that positive test."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,233 Posts
Coming out of lurkdom to respond because this has been on my mind in a MAJOR way!<br><br>
I'm doing Hypnobabies right now, also, and frankly, the language has been a turnoff and stumbling block to me. Almost enough for me to consider selling the program before I'm even finished with it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> The relaxation methods are great, but as a person who has two children already (1 vaginal birth, 1 CS), I know that there will be pain during labor and no amount of fluffy names is going to change that. Plus, it seems a bit condescending to try to train the hospital staff to use the terminology that HB uses.<br><br>
Rant over... back to lurking. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
341 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>FroNuff</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9865517"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Plus, it seems a bit condescending to try to train the hospital staff to use the terminology that HB uses.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
oh my god, yes. that bugs the hell out of me, too. i can't even imagine being in a birth center or hospital and having the nerve to ask the staff to use YOUR words rather than the correct medical terminology. that is just ridiculous, i'm sorry. they're paid to make sure that you have as safe of a delivery as possible, not to cater to you. if you need to hear that language, please hire a doula and ask her to speak that way to you, or labor at home with a midwife.<br><br>
i mean, can you imagine if you had cancer and you asked your oncologist to replace the word "chemotherapy" with "healing treatment" when he talked to you?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,811 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SheBear</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9865222"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">those fairies are assaulting you</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
410 Posts
I agree with all of you! We live in a culture that likes to dumb things down, to the point of being downright dishonest! A friend of mine who recently delivered her first at a birth center confessed that she was too "positive" about the pain aspect of labor, I guess due to what she had read and been told. It was really hard on her to re-gear herself for what it REALLY was! That encouraged me to beg people to tell me "like it is"! I want to be ready, or at least as much as possible, for the laboring.<br><br>
My friend did fine and delivered naturally a healthy little girl, by the way.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
943 Posts
I completely agree with this. My first baby, I bought into the "it's not pain it's pressure" and the "it's not a contraction, it's a surge" and even the idea that holding an ice cube in your hand for a minute was similar to the "discomfort" (another word that is SO inadequate) of labor! What a joke! When the real deal rolled around I was not only shocked, but terrified that something was quite wrong. I understand not wanting to scare women off of an unmedicated birth. But choosing an unmedicated birth should be an informed choice, with full knowledge of how difficult and, yes, painful it will very likely be.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,200 Posts
I am dying at the fairies assaulting you. Has to be the best mental image. Ever. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,442 Posts
OMG- evil gothic pregnant fairies assaulting laboring women, teaming up like a swarm of geese to pelt them with rocks during contractions.<br><br>
I love it!<br><br>
I wanted to do some kind of birthing class with this baby, since we haven't really DONE a class since like 15 years ago when I was pregnant with DD#1 and I wanted also to connect with the "childbirth community" here, KWIM? And I made contact with a hypnobirthing teacher who honestly, I just couldn't afford, and whenever I shopped online for the CD's I just could never rationalize spending the money (Even when some idiot on ebay spelled it wrong and I could have gotten the entire kit for about $8 after shipping.)<br><br>
Anyhow, when I spoke with the teacher on the phone, She wanted to know my birth history (one intervention-free hospital birth and 4 UC's) and she said "Well, it sounds like you have no problem dealing with childbirth" and I said "Well, no- but isn't this hypnosis supposed to take away the pain?" And she said "It basically reprograms you into perceiving the pain differently; It's most effective with people who aren't already familiar with the pain."<br><br>
So basically, They can't fool me. Which sucks because I was going to let them. Stupid language and all. Oh well, maybe next time (did I just say "next time"- eek!)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,065 Posts
I'm all about naming things for what they are. I also agree-it's going to hurt, and it's going to hurt alot. If I'm expecting pain I can go in and not be surprised at the fairies assualting me!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
What drives me insane is people telling me that birth is orgasmic. I know what an orgasm feels like-and frankly-I don't think pushing out an 8 pound child out of my vagina is going to do it for me! I know it will be a rush, I'll be happy, I'll feel like I accomplished something-but it's not going to feel orgasmic, it's gonna hurt!!!<br><br>
How I imagine labor will be-is more like running a marathon. I expect it will take several hours, I'll need support the entire time, there will be times when I want to quit, and the last 6 miles or so will feel like hell. However when I cross the finish line I'll have the biggest adrenalin rush I'd ever had!<br><br>
I do think though that renaming something will take away some negative connotations around childbirth. If it helps someone-more power to them. For me what has helped my fears tremendously was watching about a hundred birth videos in my childbirth class. I saw that yes, it will hurt-and I saw what my body will do-but it helped take the mystery and scariness of it away. Seeing reality made it less scary. I'm glad I saw reality when I was 28 weeks pregnant, than when I was in labor. I dealt with my fears, had my moment of wanting a planned C-section, and I moved on with realistic expectations.
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top