Please tell me I can do this and my first child will still feel loved

746 Views 5 Replies 6 Participants Last post by Tigerchild, Oct 15, 2003

babydoll

Discussion Starter · Oct 15, 2003

I just found out I am about 5 weeks pregnant. I have a 14 month old dd. I wanted to get pregnant again. I think because I missed being pregnant, didn't have the birth experience I wanted, and miss the fact that she is getting bigger (walking and stuff). I also feel ( felt) very strongly about giving her a sibling. I wasn't on the pill and we only used protection part of the time and I got pregnant. I didn't really think it would happen until we really started trying since that is how it happened with dd. Now that I am pregnant I am scared out of my mind. I am afraid that I am cheating her and that she won't have enough time to be the only baby. I am afraid I will have really bad morning sickness like I did with her ( I already have a taste of that) and that I will have trouble taking care of her ( feeding her smelly foods and changing poopy diapers or just me feeling so yucky I can't stand to get out of bed or get on with my life). I keep thinking what have I done? I wasn't really ready to do this again. To top it all off my dh is about to be outsourced at his job so he will still have a job ( who knows how long) but basically his paycheck just comes from someone else's pocket. We have no idea when this change will occur or the benefits. I am scared I won't have good insurance, my insurance won't cover the pregnancy, or we will have a huge $1000 / month COBRA/COPRA.
My hormones are majorly up and down. I just keep thinking it is too soon I don't need one this soon I should have enjoyed my dd more before getting pregnant again or if ever.

Tell me it will be ok and I will love this new baby just as much as I love my dd. Another thing I am struggling with is that I had planned to nurse her until she was 2 and I am afraid my milk will dry up or I won't be able to stand it or it will cause a problem. I feel like I am cheating her.

Babydoll

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GoodWillHunter

· #2 · Oct 15, 2003

Oh, Babydoll, I've been there and done it, going on three times. Remember that your love is not finite. It will stretch to accomodate everyone in your family. It will take a while to get the rhythm down having two, but you can do it!!!! The human race is extremely adaptable and able to accept change.

I totally understand your feelings and have felt them and am feeling them even now with #5 on the way. All I can say is your love for your first child of any of them for that matter never never never goes away. It will change, of course, but it won't go away. As for wanting to nurse her untill she's two, she may very well do that! Some kiddos don't even notice the change in mama milk and keep on. My DS3 doesn't seem to mind. He's nursing less, but, well, in a way, that's a blessing because I'm wiped out as it is!!!!

The not liking of smelly foods or icky diapers is understandable. A lot of times, I'll put Vicks Vapor Rub under my nose to cover the smell, or just pray I won't get sick.

Hang in there

!

You will be okay! Not immediately, not always, but in the end you will be fine. So will your children and your DH, and your COBRA payment (I hate insurance companies! You have a definite sympathetic ear with me!).

Take care.

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seedling

· #3 · Oct 15, 2003

You CAN do it. It's normal to feel the way you are feeling. I understand it's overwhelming. I'm six weeks along with a two and half year old and I'm feeling overwhelmed too. One thing that has really helped me is to think about my sister, how much I love her and how grateful I am to have her. You are giving your child a very special gift. Yes, it will be challenging but what in life (that's worth anything) isn't challenging?

As for your specific concerns...the insurance...would you consider using a midwife for a homebirth? That's considerably cheaper than a hospital birth. Obviously, cost shouldn't be the reason you choose homebirth, but it's just a idea. Also, I know the birth center in my area is cheaper than the hospital. And would you guys qualify for any assistance? Again, just ideas. I have a neighbor who just found out she is preggo and they only have non-materninty coverage (considerably cheaper than full-coverage if you are buying it indepently) and she is considering the birthing center route to reduce costs.

If you really want to continue nursing your first child, you totally can. I have a dear friend who nursed all thru her pregnancy and is still nursing a 9mth old and a 3 year old. Check out support at your local LLL. They WILL make you feel better.

And as for being sick. Well, it won't last forever. If you have to ask for help, just do it.

Anyway, feelings of ambvilance are normal. But I bet as the pregnancy progresses, you'll embrace the whole idea. That's the beauty of a 9 month gestation period.

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2much2luv

· #4 · Oct 15, 2003

(((hugs))) I know just how you feel.
I am expecting my 3rd and my dd will be just exactly 2 when the baby comes. This was a "sort of" suprise pregnancy, we weren't super careful with protection but never thought I'd be pregnant. You know how that is it sounds like.
I was freaking out for several weeks about just about all the issues you are feeling. But I am 26 weeks along now and as excited as can be.

You are giving your wonderful child a sibling, IMO a great gift. My first two daughters are 18 months apart and watching the way they love each other and learn together is just wonderful. It will be a beautiful experience.
Just try not to panic. You have 9 months to adjust and prepare. Growing your family is a wonderful thing.
Congratulations!!!!

Beth

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MaWhit

· #5 · Oct 15, 2003

Your first child will still feel loved.

You can do this.

Research natural morning sickness remedies and try them all until something works.

Prepare your first child...read books, watch birth videos, take her along to prenatal appointments, etc. Involving her will impress upon her that this is HER baby, too.

My DD was SO excited and happy when her little bro was born.

And please read this thread from a few weeks ago...http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...hlight=sibling It's full off good stories about siblings. I think it will reassure you.

Oh, and I'm almost 38 weeks pregnant and still nursing my 19-month-old.

And congratulations!

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Tigerchild

· #6 · Oct 15, 2003

Mama, it'll be tough as hell but YOU CAN DO IT!

You will love your first child even more than you do now, and you'll eventually feel your heart explode out in the same way for the next. (Though do not punish yourself if it takes awhile--newborns are demanding, and it hurtshurtshurts to not be able to instantaneously meet FirstChild's needs.)

My milk didn't totally dry up until I hit 7 months, and then it switched over to colostrum, so there was always something. I did experience a LOT of soreness in the first trimester, but after that it was a piece of cake. And boy was I glad to have my nursing toddler when my milk came in after the guys got here.

BTW, Fiona still comfort nurses and the boys nurse full time (21 and 4 mos now!), so don't let anyone tell you it can't be done.

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