[kelly]

Long story short - DP's 80-something year old aunt from out of state called this morning and asked if she could stay with us for a few days b/c we live 1 1/2 hrs from where her granddaughter will be graduating from college, plus she does like to come and visit us once every 1-2 years. I normally have no problems with this, she is a very nice woman who dotes on our kids and I enjoy her company. The problem?

She would be arriving the week I am scheduled to deliver this baby. The next problem?

DP told her she was always welcome here (normally true, but given the circumstances...) - no discussion with me first.

I am afraid that either I will still be in the hospital (!!), or that I will be home trying to recover from abdominal surgery and care for a newborn feeling like I have to entertain our visitor and/or help show them where things are, etc. I also want the freedom to walk around with no shirt on / nursing where I feel like it without worrying about offending anyone. There's also the question of how she will get here from and back to the airport (an hour drive), and also to the graduation ceremony (an 1 1/2 hour drive each way). I guess I kinda lost it a little when DP told me, I tried to explain that it wouldn't matter WHO it was - an aunt, my father, my best friend - it's just very bad timing. DP took offense and said - let's just wait and see when the surgery gets scheduled.

Am I being hard-headed about this? Should I just let it ride until the surgery is scheduled (which will be in a couple of weeks) and then try to discuss it again? Help!

 

[elisent]

I think you should call the aunt back yourself and explain that normally you'd love to have her stay but that with the baby coming it just won't work out this time. Surely she'll understand! If she comes on the week of the surgery or after it things will be impossible. Even if the surgery is scheduled for the week after you probably won't feel like entertaining and will want to set everything up for the baby and get some extra sleep. Can you ask the graduate's family if they could split costs and help pay for a hotel room for the aunt? She'd probably be more comfortable there anyway.

 

[organicpapayamama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by elisent I think you should call the aunt back yourself and explain that normally you'd love to have her stay but that with the baby coming it just won't work out this time. Surely she'll understand! If she comes on the week of the surgery or after it things will be impossible. Even if the surgery is scheduled for the week after you probably won't feel like entertaining and will want to set everything up for the baby and get some extra sleep. Can you ask the graduate's family if they could split costs and help pay for a hotel room for the aunt? She'd probably be more comfortable there anyway.

Exactly this. Your dh should be more understanding. Perhaps if he were the one giving birth he may see it differently.

 

[elyag]

No you are not crazy! This same thing happened with the birth of my DD but with my DH's parents and his sister. They called and told my DH they would be coming into town from CA the week before I was due and would be staying for 2-2 1/2 weeks. My DH told them it was okay without even discussing it with me.

At the time, we lived in a very small apartment and I wanted to stay at home to labor for as long as possible. So there would be five of us in our tiny little apartment.

And I was certainly aware that them being there might even prevent me from going into labor since I would be so uncomfortable. After going on and on about it and talking to my midwife about it, I finally got him to have them come a couple of weeks after my 'due date'. He eventually told them it was because I wanted time to bond with the baby and it being just our family.

I was actually more upset that it wasn't even discussed with me, etc. I felt completely disrespected. Anyways, you are not crazy! You're going to need your DH's undivided attention after your baby is born and not have to tend to someone else's needs.

 

[Tenk]

You are not crazy and I understand completely!! You should probably wait until surgery is set and then discuss with DP again, IMO.

I on the other hand, need people here to help because DH will be going to school and I'll need someone here to help with kids so his parents will come and stay with us for 2 weeks, at my request. LOL

 

[Starfish11]

You are NOT crazy! And I think that PPs have given you some great advice. Ugh. Check in and let us know how this goes, ok?