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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So my STBX and I got into a arguement on a sat. The following friday he served me with divorce papers (I'd asked him to leave on sat and he refused) and I called daycare and he'd taken my kids out early, helped himself to whatever in the house (the important stuff, his computer and video games!) and ran off to mom and dad's.
I called the cops, but they escorted me off prop.
we went to court, I have primary cust with expanded visits awarded to him.
Social study said expanded seemed ok. Despite MY feelings in the matter.

STBX is a piece of work. He showered once every 10 days or so, didn't wear deo (it bothered his skin) played video games or watched anime any time he was home, blamed me for his job, and when I was making double his income and supporting family claimed that he couldn't find another job. I actually found out he'd sent out 2 resumes in 18m.
I had to always initiate relations, and when I gave up because it was just that horrible, we went 3.5yrs with 2 encounters (when I got desperate and initiated again, not him)
he's depressed, violent towards inanimate objects, has thrown things at me or across the room. has pushed/shoved DS when he was just a toddler for trying to climb on him, would stand over crib and shout "shut the F up!" at crying baby....etc.
He never did a thing around the house. I did all the childcare, brought home double his income. I took out trash, mowed the lawn, did the grocery shopping, paid the bills, cleaned the house...etc.
He sat on his butt and watched TV or played games.

He has his parents and younger sis (24) living with him now, and claiming what a good parent he is. Oh, whatever.

Meanwhile i'm a single mom with no other adult helpers, juggling a demanding job (i'm a systems admin) and trying to keep up with the bills because he just LOVES taking me to court.

Oh yeah, did I mention? mom and dad have a trust fund for him and are using it to fight me in court. EVERY SINGLE CHANCE THEY GET.

I'm going to court for a second time on the 20th because STBX is trying to get my house put into receivership so he can sell it. The last time the temp sitting judge basically told them they were wasting his time and get the heck out. So they are bringing it infront of the official judge this time. I can't afford a lawyer with all this. He ran up about 10K before jsut on temp right now, no lawyer

He got the kids for july...I was supposed to get a weekend. He refused. Flat out.
The kids are not supposed to be removed from daycare...because that is a constant, yanno?
I got the sheets, they attended like 5 days out of 30. The rest they were at home with the inlaws watching them, which is a clear violation of the orders.
Meanwhile I called nearly every single day, and left VMs for him asking to talk to the kids. I finally got ahold of him by calling every 2min for a hour. on like the 25th. He said he was just too busy, and had his phone turned off, and every excuse. I talked to my 4yr old for less than a minute before I hear STBX say "say goodbye to momma" and grab the phone and says "He just handed me the phone. I guess he didn't want to talk to you"

he claimed the reason he had his phone turned off was because chase was calling him. Didn't bother to give them my number. Soon as I get the kids back however, he gives them my number.

He cut off my son's mohawk that he's had for 1.5yrs straight now. on and off since he was 1. Son tells me crying daddy cut it off. Give him back the 'hawk. Didn't bother to cut either kids nails entire time they were there however. Both kids had jacked up, bent back, broken nails on feet and hands.
Took them to get vaxed at doc's, didn't tell me. Still hasn't told me. I only know because older DS told me and I called my ped.
He's not the primary! He should have addressed it with me and offered to take them.

My sister, who is normally not that great at making wise observations tells me that he's like a person caught in quicksand and if he'd just hold still he'd be ok...but instead he's struggling and sinking.

Meanwhile, I have STBX and his folks telling the kids things (momma! my daddy says he gets me all the days! I miss you....I wanna see you all the days too) and making things rough for them...confusing the kids. Refusing to be adult and compromsing. Pretending to do the adult things for the kids, but really not....taking me to court in attempts to run me out of money so they can get custody....


I wish my family was near. I have nobody here, cept my kids. All my family lives in chicago.

I get the kids back and they want MY grandma/grandpa/auntie liek they have at STBX. They have 4-5 adults to wait on the two of them hand and foot, and I know darn well they are getting sweets and toys unending. They get to my house and I have to be the mommy and say need water and milk not juice and cookies. you need sleep at 830, not 10....
and there is only one of I can never do things fast enough for them

I am happy about the divorce itself, i'm glad to be rid of him. I should have never married him in the first place.
The kid situation however, is nearly unbearable.

I generally feel like a horrible mom, and like this drama will never end as long as I've got the kids at all.
I'm pretty sure that when we go to mediation....I could sign over my paychecks for the next 20yrs, give him the house, the kids, etc and set myself on fire and he'd still want more from me.
Part of me sometimes wonders if it wouldn't be better for the kids to STOP fighting, but I know thats not really true.

So hard.

Everyone tells me that he'll calm down soon, but it seems he's escalating, not calming down. He took the kids on feb22nd, so it's been a couple months now.

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3,110 Posts
It will get better. But, please take a lawyer to court. It just is never a good idea to go without in these cases. Please do share with the judge that he is using a trust fund from his parents to do frivolous court appearances to bankrupt you though. And document every attempt to call that is refused or rejected and his keeping the kids from you on your ordered days.

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1,635 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I am def documenting everything I can at this point.
My lawyer tried to get him to pay before, but his income is half mine. he actually lied in court and told them he made the same ammt.
He's paying half daycare costs right now, and half CC debts. I have the house and all the bills.....which is fun

But he told the judge during temp orders that he took out a loan for 3K I think to pay for his lawyer. so the judge said no way would he even order CS right now. that STBX didn't make enough (but he made same as me, according to his testimony!)

If i had a lawyer right now, they would be running me out of money, taking me to court...etc. the 2 times (30th of june and 20th of aug...which is coming up) together would have cost me probably 8K.
plus he ccs his lawyer on everything email wise, and during temp orders his lawyer called mine like 10x a day, and emailed her non stop. just on contact cost me thousands.

if I had a lawyer on record, they would be emailing and calling the lawyer constantly and running up my tab.
I can atleast go in alone and show proof that i'm paying the mortgage in a timely manner, and that there is almost no money to be had in the house

I don't honestly care either way, but i'd rather keep the house because my payments are lower than a 2bdrm apartment in this area anyway.

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927 Posts
Sending HUGS!

Sounds really hard.

I pray you get the financial stuff set and mostly that you get the kids taken proper care of and the orders enforced!!! That is just too hard. He should be in contempt for not letting you have them for the weekend.

My heart goes out to you!


· Registered
984 Posts
Basylica, you need to find a different lawyer. A responsible lawyer will not allow the other party's lawyer to bankrupt you with wacko torrents of emails and calls. She will have her secretary collect the calls/emails in digest form and respond only to what's necessary.

Don't go on your own, do have your lawyer point out the money situation, and do get a lawyer who can pin you down to earth on what you can reasonably fight for. Med decisions, yes. Dirty fingernails, no. And so on.
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