[moonfirefaery]

This is the first time I've posted anything here. These are two poems I wrote yesterday and am still perfecting. Any feedback, positive or negative is appreciated. If you are going to criticise, please do it constructively and not rudely. Any suggestions, especially for a title for the first one, are welcome!<br><br><b>Untitled</b><br><br>
On our ethereal plane<br>
far away we fly,<br>
drifting together<br>
towards sweet dreams,<br>
as you drink deeply<br>
of mother's nectar,<br>
and I breathe in<br>
your calming sweetness.<br><br><br><br><b>A Mother's Lullaby</b><br>
Hazel eyes meet mine<br>
drooping with fatigue<br>
shimmering with secrets<br>
only known in youth.<br><br>
Small fingers graze my face<br>
velvet against my skin<br>
exploring my features<br>
with infancy's tender touch.<br><br>
That peaceful expression<br>
bathed in silver glow<br>
soothes my tired soul<br>
with a child's serenity.<br><br>
Near silent suckling<br>
and sighs of content<br>
sing me to sleep--<br>
this mother's lullaby.<br><br>
Copyright © 2006 Heather Burke. All rights reserved.

 

[moonfirefaery]

any comments? anyone? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[Fiestabeth]

Ooooo, thanks for sharing those. I love both of them, and they totally just lifted my mood of general pissed-offedness. (I'm pms-ing in a major way.) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I LOVE the first one especially. It totally took me to the moment of nursing my babes off to sleep, including breathing in their luscious scent. Maybe "Sweet Dreams" for a title?

 

[moonfirefaery]

Thank you. I am glad you like it, and that does sound like a very fitting title! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">