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Discussion Starter #1
One of my good friends has recently come out of the closet.<br><br>
He is in a on again off again relationship with the perfect guy, really understanding, calm, loving, supportive etc., because he can't handle why he feels "normal" when he's queer.<br><br>
I'm so used to open relationships and to open lifestyles that it is hard for me that he is going through so much with family over dating a "nice girl" and he might stay like this for a while, he wants a family, he's from a serious religious background, and wanted to start a family young, now he is all confused and sure he can never be a "good dad" though I listen and say he may one day see it is better then he thinks I want to kick him...shake him, holler at him. He's so lucky he has someone who loves him as he is, someone he can find a good life with and so many "hetero" couples never find that! his only real problem is kinda....getting over his own guilt (he's gay, the family will never forgive him) and I know that is big, and I grew up among open people so I need to stay calm...but what do you think would help in showing him how good relationships with both genders can be great families tooo?????<br><br>
Arrgghhh...deep rural communities can be rough and he was/is in one trying to get his bearings.
 

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Miajean, it's great that you are open and wanting to help him! It sounds like he is dealing with some confusion and self-hatred, and the best thing for him would be to talk to a counselor of some sort. It's tough because he was confident and sure enough to come out, but is now dealing with all the "future" questions, like can I/we have children, will I be happy, will I get hurt/discriminated against, what if my family/community never speaks to me again, etc. He really needs reassurance, by a counselor, and his friends. I would suggest he try to calm himself down by talking to other people about coming out, maybe go to a PFLAG meeting to talk about his fears, and doing some research on gay fathers. The scariest part of coming out is the unknown, so he will probably feel a lot better after talking to people and learning more about living a confident queer life.<br>
Good luck! Meredith
 

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Discussion Starter #3
You're right...I never even thought it might help if he went to a counselor about how to handle coming out to all his family (hasn't yet, only his friends)<br><br>
I get so ...stunned that families do this...ignore thier own blood so much, families should fight, argue, complain but never ignore each other!
 
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