[mehndi mama]

MamaRhi, we have a king size bed with a twin pushed right up against it. DP & I got matching bedding for them, so it feels like one big bed even though it's really two. It's worked REALLY well to take care of space issues and exclusionary anxiety <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Of course, we had to move the bedrooms around so that we could have a room big enough, but it was well worth it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[oregonduck]

Since we've started trying to conceive, we've talked about sleeping arrangements for us and the baby. We already know that we will need at least two bedrooms--our room with a king size bed and the baby's room. I want to co sleep with the baby, but my DP's don't think that is a good idea for safety reasons. The crib/bassinet will be in the second (baby's) room with our full size guest bed which will most likely become the extra bed for the one who either wants a "peaceful" night sleep alone while I have the baby in the king size bed with other partner, or most likely for myself so I can be near the baby for nursing.

 

[paquerette]

Well, there's lots of info in the nighttime parenting board, but cosleeping is actually *safer* for the baby. I would get some of that stuff for them to read. Dr. Sears, Dr. McKenna, etc. Trying to get any sleep while having to get out of bed and nurse every time your baby wants it is hell. By the time you're on your 5th or 6th night in a row of 3 hours of fragmented sleep and biting heads off left, right, and center, they might change their tunes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:

 

[josephine_e]

ita about co-sleeping being safer. i had a dr. once tell me not to sleep with ds because i might roll over on him <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:! this was the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard! actually, for the first four months of ds's life, i would wake up about thirty seconds BEFORE he did. that's right. something changed in his breathing, energy -- something! that made me wake up and look at him. then he'd wake up and want to nurse. that's how in tune we were. when he was sick, i knew if he had a fever because he was laying right beside me and i'd feel him heat up, or i'd know if he needed his nose sucked out (he had major booger problems for months) because i could hear his breathing. these are just my experiences. there's a lot of research out there!<br><br>
besides the safety issue, there's NOTHING like sleeping next to your baby! think about how close sleeping next to your dp's makes you feel with them. there's something incredibly intimate and loving about sleeping together. when your dc is 15, you won't have the chance to have this closeness with him/her. get it while you can! babies who feel close and intimate with their parents grow up to be kids who feel close and trusting of their parents!<br><br>
eta: have you checked out the night time parenting board on MDC? you could get a lot of help and practical advice there.

 

[oregonduck]

So you think that there is little danger of someone rolling on a sleeping baby? That's what my partners are afraid of. Or that one of us would hurt the baby by accident. I'll read more about it on the co sleeping forum and then try to convince them after we get pregnant. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[wonderwahine]

Hi, I am in a theoretically poly/open marrige...... neither of us have been with anyone but each other since marrige though. We live with my FIL who is a pastor, so out of respect to him, we dont live "out" and openly. And also ds being so young puts a few constraints on us searching out that area of our life, because I don't feel comfortable leaving him with a sitter etc.<br><br>
I am bi, and dh is straight. our ideal relationship would be a shared female partner, but to become a partner, it would take a "special" woman I think.<br><br>
Both me and dh do our fair share of fun flirting though <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">

 

[crayon]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>oregonduck</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8953911"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">So you think that there is little danger of someone rolling on a sleeping baby? That's what my partners are afraid of. Or that one of us would hurt the baby by accident. I'll read more about it on the co sleeping forum and then try to convince them after we get pregnant. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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I know the risk of SIDS or other sleeping issues is MUCH lower in co/sleeping children. You WILL NOT hurt your baby- I do think it is very sweet of your partners to be worried about their baby and it is not that they do not want to share a bed with another person. I think they are really worried. Maybe they need to go to the co/sleeping forum and post their questions. There is a lot of stats on co/seeping and the benifits.<br><br>
Personal~ My oldest DD was co/sleeping full time until she was 2 and then here in there (mosting in the wee mornings) would find herself in our bed. Our youngest DD has done the same. However she enjoys bring her pillow and blankie to the room and sleeping on the floor next to my bed (next to me). She is now 2 1/2. And there was coutless nights where we would all 4 wake up in the morning in the same bed (a double bed for that matter!)<br><br>
I think it helps center a child- reconnect with the parents. My children are happy, healthy and very centered children.

 

[MamaRhi]

When DS was still cosleeping we often had 3 adults (DP, me and a DGF) in the bed and everyone loved having him there to cuddle with. DD even joined us occasionally, but we also had a small bed set up on the floor for her. Now DS still shows up trying to get in bed with me and my DPS. He usually ends up on the floor with a blanket and pillow but sometimes manages to squeeze in between us. DD has shown up twice and usually curls up at my feet. And the rare night that both DPs are gone, I pull the kids into bed with me for the night. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[somnambulist]

Hi, I'm new... I have 2 kids, a boy and a girl under 4. My dh is monogomous with me, I have a female lover but she doesn't live with us... recently she and I had to sort of put our relationship on ice because it was so hard for me to divide time between all my loves. I'm mourning the loss. She is my first relationship with a woman and helped me feel truly fulfilled. I don't guess this really fits here, but I'm not sure where I fit, anyway. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I wish I could feel confident enough to make it work as so many of you have.

 

[UmmBnB]

As most of you know dh and I have had an open marriage for several years. We've both had significant others for long-term relationships over the years that have been very special, but never have I felt true love for one of those ppl. Fondness, adoration, attraction - yes. Love, as I define it, no. Until now....<br><br>
I am truly in love with my lover and it is such an amazing feeling. I'd often wondered how I'd know if I was in love with someone in addition to my dh...now I know. I'd been trying to wrap my head around the feelings for weeks and finally on Monday I got it....or rather we (myself and my lover) got it. We had this amazing discussion about how we were feeling about our marraiges, our children, our relationship and we finally gave ourselves permission to go there...to use the L-word. It was so liberating. I think it was somewhat about us giving eachother permission to admit that we truly could love eachother and not feel any threat of loving our spouse any less? We both feel like since we've been seeing eachother, our marriages have gotten stronger.<br><br>
We couldn't wait until his wife got home from her night out to give her the news. She hugged us both and we all cried happy happy tears. I then ran home to share with my dh...and we cried happy tears.<br><br>
We all get along so well. The kids adore eachother. Our spouses adore eachother, and have just begun to date - we have no expectations of where that may lead, but wouldn't it be cool if...... My lover's wife texted yesterday and said that she was so happy for me and she felt like the four of us finding eachother was quite simply meant to be.<br><br>
I know we are all on a high right now and we will come down at some point, but damn...this is amazing!!!

 

[happyhippiemama]

well shoot that's about making ME cry happy happy tears, for you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">

 

[wonderwahine]

congratulations!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">

 

[granolamom]

Hi all, we have been a poly couple for years. Our kids are 23, 20, 18 and 14. Our "Poly" kids( we started calling them that years ago<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">) are 14, 17 and 26.We are involved with another couple. It works for us<br><br>
Our kids ( collectively) know and accept it. Our poly son, 17, is a senior in high school and one night this fall they will have senior night. The band members, football players and cheerleaders who are seniors are walked on to the field and introduced with their parents,. he asked the other night that along with his mom & step dad( our partners) and his dad and step mom that my dh and I also escort him. he actually said " you are all my parents"<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat"> His mom and I both cried!!<br><br>
Glad to know this thread is here....<br><br><br>
Granolamom

 

[fireant]

Hi, I’ve admittedly only skimmed over the posts, I'm sorry if this has already been discussed and I’ve missed it.<br><br>
How do you or don’t you come out to outsiders about your interpersonal poly relationships? I’m curious what the reactions have been from family members, co-workers, etc.<br><br>
I have dear friends that are so open about it. I don't know how they are able to do it.<br><br>
Thanks.

 

[mehndi mama]

The only people I outright TELL are doctors, therapists, etc. People that need that information right then, with no time to figure it out on their own.<br><br>
With family, we keep things on a need-to-know basis. Most of our family is comfortable with the "don't ask, don't tell" approach, so we respect their comfort levels and not mention intimate details. We do not, however, keep little "incriminating" details from them any more, though. They know where we sleep, they know that DH & DP go out on dates together without me, and that I go places sometimes to give them time to be together. So it's not like they don't KNOW, it's just that we haven't sat them down and TOLD them.<br><br>
With strangers/new acquaintences, they have to figure it out on their own <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> I refer to both my husband and my girlfriend, and will answer questions honestly if they put two and two together and ask.

 

[fireant]

Thank you for the response, mehndi mama. Can you tell me what some of the reactions have been?

 

[EnviroBecca]

Hi everybody! I'm so happy to hear the good news from UmmBnB and Granolamom! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biggrinbounce.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bgbounce"><br><br>
We're still just a couple open to possibility. Recently a particular woman seems to keep turning up at gatherings of our friends--she went to the same college we did and was in the same social organization there, but she's almost a decade younger; now she's coincidentally connected with some of our friends met after college, who BTW are a poly triad--and something gives me the feeling that she's a future girlfriend of EnviroDaddy, but I can't put my finger on what it is! She is "his type" physically, but HE hasn't expressed any particular interest in her. I have talked with her much more than he has. Maybe it's that I can imagine being compatible with her myself (I am straight; I don't know if she is straight or bi) such that I'd enjoy her being my partner's other partner? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"> Interesting musings, but I'm a long way away from saying, "So! Wanna sleep with my boyfriend?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
Oregonduck, I strongly advocate co-sleeping in the baby's room and keeping your master bedroom as the adult bedroom. Not that you'd never allow the baby in that bed, but in general you'd keep it for adult sleeping and recreation. That's what we did, and it has worked out wonderfully. It reduced resentment of the baby disrupting our sex life, it gave EnviroDaddy a haven from baby disrupting his sleep when he needed that, and transitioning away from co-sleeping was very easy because all I was asking EnviroKid to do was to accept that I wasn't next to him when he woke--he didn't have the additional change of being in an unfamiliar room. We never had a crib, just nursed him to sleep on a low, full-size bed. We put mats around it when he learned to roll over, but he very quickly learned how to avoid the edges of the bed even when asleep. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">

 

[EnviroBecca]

Huh, I thought I had posted in this thread before, but it looks like not, unless I'm missing it somehow. I must be thinking of an earlier poly thread. So, a brief introduction:<br><br>
I haven't been in a closed relationship since I was 19 and my then-boyfriend and I decided to try poly. He gave it a good try but decided it wasn't for him, whereas I felt there was no going back. I've been with EnviroDaddy for 13 years now. In theory, we've always had full freedom to have other partners (except that when we were TTC we couldn't have outside sexual activity), but in practice I've had a few other partners and he's had none. I think the main reason is that he's an introvert and feels that living with me (and now a kid) gives him too little alone time already!<br><br>
We have a friend who turns out to have a special lust for new mothers--a kink that had not even occurred to me until after I gave birth and this guy was suddenly flirting with me!--so that started a little something between me and him, but it's been a VERY little something. I mean, we hang out with him about once a week, but he and I have been playing sexually about twice a year. It's different from anything I've been in before...but it's not bad! I get the occasional thrills without the strains of maintaining another Relationship, and now that we're comfortable with physical contact he sometimes gives me back or foot massages and is very good at that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
My fantasy is to find the couple of our dreams, another girlfriend for EnviroDaddy and another boyfriend for me who also are compatible with one another, and to have a group household. But I'd settle for another boyfriend for me, since (as mentioned above) EnviroDaddy likes being alone and I don't!<br><br>
Since our son was born, we've often had a relative or friend stay in our home for a while, and every time I've been struck by how RIGHT it feels to have 3 or 4 adults in the home. It certainly makes parenting easier! I think we could handle another kid if we had more parents....

 

[spsmom]

I have been lurking in this thread for a while. Always hesitating to post bc I know several MDC mamas IRL. DH and I are only in the discussion phase of a poly relationship. And since I don't spend much time online (not knowing safe forums to visit) I figured MDC is a good place to start!<br>
I have been with another woman and Dh and I have been with her as a 3some but she is not a possibility for what we are looking for. we ultimately would like to find another woman to join our family. This is all so new to both DH and I. I don't know where to start! Parenting style is our biggest factor for us. I am not interested in getting involved with anyone who isn't "on-board" with the AP lifestyle.<br><br>
Anyway, I guess I am finally posting here to find some support in our journey into the next chapter in our lives. And maybe some suggestions of where we can start looking for that "special someone"!<br><br>
for those who are in ploy relationships, where did you find that second person or couple? did it just happen or did you seek out in a forum or group?

 

[mehndi mama]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fireant</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9101894"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thank you for the response, mehndi mama. Can you tell me what some of the reactions have been?</div>
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The ones who are not intrigued and ask a zillion really good questions just give me a funny look and say "Well. That's interesting." The TV show Big Love came out shortly after DP moved in with us, though, so that dulled the shock-factor considerably.<br><br>
I have never had a negative response from a health professional. Their definition of an exclusive relationship isn't necessarily 2-person monogamy. So my GYN would ask "Do you have any sexual parters other than your husband?" and I would say "Yes, our female partner." and she'd say "But the 3 of you are in an exclusive relationship?" and that was that.<br>
Therapists treat the arrangement like a super-duper amicable stepparent relationship.<br><br>
spsmom - I'm a big believer in NOT searching. The right person comes along at the right time, if you can allow the universe to work for you like that. In our case, we had to be willing to talk to others about our beliefs, because if the subject of polyamoury had not been brought up at a Stitch 'n' Bitch one night, DP would never have known that DH & I were open to other relationships, and she never would have returned any of the advances from my DH! We had a few failed attempts at finding someone, and we ended up waiting 11 years.....but the right person DID come along at the right time.