[MamabearJulie]

I guess I am looking for some support or someone who has been threw something similar to talk to.

We have a beautiful 2 1/2 yr daughter who's birthmother is expecting in the next few weeks. From what we have heard from the birthfamily she is not keeping the baby for many reasons but would like to. The birthfamily has become a part of our lives as her tummy mummy is not always around. In April our daughters paternal grandparents asked us if we would be open to adopting our daughters 1/2 sibling and we said yes. Since them have had great joy sharing her with them. But the birthmom has disapered again a couple of weeks ago and we are so worried and not sure were things stand any more. What do we do other than wait and pray for the right out come for all of us.(even if that is the baby doesn't come to our house our daughter will still be a big sister) and she knows that she is the 1 of 4 currently and knows about her siblings and see's them. We just don't know were this roller coaster is going. I am going crazy!

Julie

 

[Laurel]

I don't know your situation and what this birthmom has been like in the past, but to me it doesn't sound like this is something to count on. I think it's odd that the birthmom's parents asked you to adopt this baby and not the birthmom herself. I think the fact that you've heard that she wants to keep the baby is a huge red flag. If it were me, I would probably plan that this isn't going to happen. But, I know how hard that is. It is impossible not to hope, even when the odds are against you.

I have not been through your situation, but we did recently have a failed match--the birthmom was the sister of our ds's birthmom, so it was all in the family. It can be awkward when your relationships with your child's birth family are stretched and altered by situations like this. We are lucky and grateful that we are still on very good terms with everyone in ds's birth family, including the bmom whose baby we were supposed to adopt.

 

[MamabearJulie]

Maybe I should have said that the birthmom can't keep the baby for many reason no matter what and has to chose adoption or that Children's Aid will more than likely aprehend the baby. The birthfamily contacted us for her as she doesn't want us to see her in a bad light and this has always been a real concern for her. We are in Canada and the laws are a little different then in the states. And this is the first 2 sibs live with Dad with little to no involvement from B-mom only when she is clean and able. The 3 is with paternal Grandparents and showed up at the birth and couldn't let him go to the family that had been chosen to adopt him. The only reason we have our daughter is because of the paternal B-Family being okay with us having her. They contacted us for her(the whole not wanting us or our daughter in a bad light). B-Grandma told us tonight that she will probably just phone us. They currently don't know where she is and are all worried just as we are about her and that she is okay. But this waiting seems imposible when the answer is just around the corner. It has just become so overwhelming.

 

[vermonttaylors]

to you, the birthmom and all of your family and hers for finding yourselves in this difficult situation. We are thinking of you all.

No words of wisdom sorry, just positive thoughts.

 

[Laurel]

Maybe I should have said that the birthmom can't keep the baby for many reason no matter what and has to chose adoption or that Children's Aid will more than likely aprehend the baby. QUOTE]

That definitely sheds more light on the situation. Is she possibly trying to run away from the situation because all of the options seem awful to her?

I have a friend on another board who just went through something similar. Their son's bmom was pg again and wanted them to adopt the baby. But after the birth she wavered and ended up parenting. However, like the situation you've described, within a few days or weeks CPS removed the baby and put the baby in foster care. My friend and her dh were able to adopt the baby in the end, but had to go through the state system where the bmom lived. The baby was 6 months old by the time they were able to bring her home. My friend has talked about all the headaches, heartache, and hassle that would have been saved if the bmom would have just gone forward with placement in the first place.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, and I feel for the bmom too!