[De-lovely]

I am reading Pos Dis "the first three years" and I just got to the point where they talk about co-sleeping and the family bed and they pretty much dont support it and says it wrecks any sense of independence etc...I DONT like that and now I want to start a new book, any suggestions? I have a VERY VERY strong willed loud sometimes aggressive incredibly intelligent 19 month old and I am wanting something that supports and fits my family.How can I adhere to a book that says I am not teaching "autonomy" correctly and pretty uch saying i should CIO??!?!?!? Am I being unreasonable or have you mamas discovered this about the Pos Dis way?

 

[bleurae]

I would highly suggest "Kids Parents and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I know she has no issue with the family bed but what I like most is she helps you identify your childs personality type and then your own and then helps you work best within those personalities to help you BOTH grow and learn.

 

[boongirl]

I think, as with any parenting book, you take only the parts you like from the book and ignore what you don't.

 

[mamazee]

I didn't like that book either, and for the same reason. You can of course just ignore the bad parts, but I feel uncomfortable using any parts of a book that has the co-sleeping and breastfeeding misinformation that book has.

 

[Tanibani]

Quote:

Originally Posted by boongirl I think, as with any parenting book, you take only the parts you like from the book and ignore what you don't.

"wrecks any sense of independence"

total nonsense. But check out the rest of the book and see if anything else could be helpful.

I own Kurcinka's book(s) and need to read them.

 

[AngelBee]

: That is sad.....maybe we should write the author and voice our concerns.

 

[flyingspaghettimama]

Kurcinka specifically (as I recall) supports the family bed and the close parent-child relationship/bond in Raising Your Spirited Child.

Another vote for her, in any case.

That stuff pops up everywhere. I have a book about preparing siblings for the new baby where they go out of their way for a paragraph to diss cosleeping. Completely unrelated to the topic at hand other than "a way to regain your partner's love" or some sort of hoo-ha. Why did you have a baby? To regain your partner's love or because you both wanted a baby? Are these things exclusive? The husband is needing equal attention to the newborn? Yet the older child is supposed to learn to get over their feelings of jealousy.

Ahh, modern parenting.

 

[sagira]

As I said previously, I ignore the sleep part completely. In the Eating section, the author does mention La Leche League (which is one plus point).

I was looking for a book that supports the philosophy of Maria Montessori, and this series is. The Positive Discipline books have helped me to enjoy parenting more, treat my child with love and respect, and see things from his perspective and with compassion.

We have a close relationship that I will work hard to maintain. If I hadn't read those books I wouldn't have felt so confident in my "gentle discipline" techniques as I do now.

If I may suggest, read the chapters on Social Skills and Discipline -- they're a quick read and informative. When it comes to sleep and extended breastfeeding, I don't agree with her, but boy is she good at using kind and firm discipline that teaches. That's the reason I still read the book often.

Positive Discipline gets better and very useful as the children get older.

I use her books in conjunction with Dr. Sears (no time-outs here either), How to Talk by Faber and Mazlisch and now I'm reading "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" (great book!).

 

[Embee]

Oh, there are just so many wonderful books to choose from! I recently read Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn which is beautiful. I will always recommend it:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=269724

At present, I'm reading Hold On To Your Kids which was mentioned in a few forums here and I just couldn't resist picking it up. Also, very good. A couple of things in your post stood out to me, and reminded my of this book. While not a "step by step discipline how to" book, it WILL do much to support your instincts. It goes in depth about the fact that its precisely our CLOSE ATTACHMENT to our kids that allows them to grow naturally, emotional health in tact, onto independence. In addition, it talks about "strong-willed" children in a way you may not have thought about before. A chapter on "Counterwill" is incredibly illuminating, and I imagine would be quite helpful to you.

These two books make wonderful companions. One stressing the NEED for close attachment and unconditional parental love (Hold on the Your Kids) and the other (Unconditional Parenting), stressing just how we might think and go about acheiving unconditional love. In particular the need to understand what we feel for our kids vs. how they perceive our feelings for them. A huge distinction much to my surprise.

Aside from that, my ol' tried and true favorite: Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen. A great recipe for truly connecting with your child, by joining them in their world.

This is my current "parent reference section."

Happy reading!
Em

 

[De-lovely]

I just got Playful Parenting by Cohen and after your completely enlightening post I will check out the other 2............

 

[Embee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by eemamahob I just got Playful Parenting by Cohen and after your completely enlightening post I will check out the other 2............

PP was the first of these three books that I read. An excellent place to start!

I think what I can appreciate about all three of these books is that they seem to arrive at the same conclusions via different routes/perspectives. It gives a comprehensive panoramic picture of why we should treat our children with the respect they so deserve and how we can empower ourselves to do so. Keeping LONG TERM GOALS in mind. Connecting via discipline rather than disconnecting, etc.

The other thing that hit me about these books is that none of them are "how to" manuals. Early on, this is what I was searching for desparately only to find out that no matter how much I read and tried to commit to memory, it was impossible to apply "techniques" effectively. These books are all very "philosophy oriented." They taught me that the way I *see* and *feel* about certain situations can lead me to the best way in which to deal with them, meet my son's needs. A mindset if you will that is truly empowering and feels so much more in sinc with my inner parenting philosophy. What a relief!

Happy reading!

Em

 

[annab]

I like the philosophy part of UP, but I am someone who needs a 'bag of tricks'. I need to be able to have things to do for myself, which ultimately helps DS. Even keeping the UP philosophy in mind, I don't always have a great reaction.

If you are looking for a step by step, Becoming the Parent You Want to Be is wonderful. It really seems to get how kids think and feel. It has many suggestions of what to do.

Like all parenting books, there are parts to leave. They have one page where they talk about CIO. I have given this book as a gift with black construction paper glued over that page.

 

[CherryBomb]

Quote:

Originally Posted by loraeileen The husband is needing equal attention to the newborn? Yet the older child is supposed to learn to get over their feelings of jealousy.

ITA. I hate those books and experts that try and tell me my husband is basically another child. I think he deserves a little more credit than that. :/