[hojobj]

I need some advice on this. Hopefully everything will fall into place and DH will be home or real close, but there is always a possibility that he will be too far away. I want to prepare for the worse case scenaro.

Here's some background:

DH is a truck driver usually gone a week, but stops in once or twice during the week because he doesn't usually go more than 10 hours away from here. We're going to get his dispatcher to try to get him loads 6 hours or less away after Christmas, I'm due in January 13.

We are relatively new to the area. Although I've tried, I really haven't made any friends and the neighbors are older. One would be fine with my 3 yr old, who will be 4, but my almost 2 year old, who is my cling-on would make her nervous because she's never had children and doesn't know how to distract him.

My SILs live 40 miles away, their house is not childproof in any way (which is fine as long as I am there to make sure the boys don't pick up the meds and sharp objects they have lying around!).

My previous labors were 9 hrs and 4 1/2 hrs respectively, so I'm looking at the liklihood this labor will be somewhere between there.

My midwife is 2 hours away and she will be coming down, of course, but she can't be responsible for the boys.

If I go into labor, SILs want to take the boys to their house, so does my sister (8 hours away

) and one other friend in Pittsburgh. I'm really not into putting carseats into their cars while in labor and they miss the point that I do want the boys with me so if they are up to it, they can experience the birth.

So I need some advice on what I can do to prepare myself and the boys if DH isn't able to be there immediately. Any ideas on things I can prepare to keep them occupied? I'm going to start in December "practicing" the sounds I may make while in labor so they won't feel so scared, hopefully, and I'm going to be purchasing the book I read about here called "Welcome With Love" to help too.

Ideally I will have the same type of birth as DS#2 where I had bloody show in the AM and went into labor 5 hours later and DH will be home. Or they will be sleeping.

But I'd like to try to prepare for the worse case scenaro just in case. Most of my family and friends are 1000 miles away so it's a little unnerving for me.

Sorry this is long, but I thank you all for any advice you can give me!

Brenda

 

[alicia9178]

Just an idea, but what if you had someone (family/friend) come stay with you at the end of the pregnancy who would be willing to step up and care for your little ones when labor starts. I know how hard it is when you are somewhat isolated....though we have family and friends close, we really have very few if any people who are really "wanting" to help, so I have some similar concerns. Wish you lots of luck though

Alicia

 

[hojobj]

I tried asking one of my unemployed SILs but all she wants to do is take them to her house. No amount of gently explaining the kidproofing and the fact everything they need is at our house not theirs has worked so far. DH isn't good with standing up to them and trying to help me make them understand.

My mother is not interested in coming up here during the winter. I won't even get into that long story!

 

[KateMary]

Can you try to find a babysitter that you can pay to come and play with the kids in another part of the house when labor starts? I don't know if you have craigslist but if you do, there are often ads on there for emergency, nighttime, weekend childcare. These might also be at the providers house if needed. At least that would be a childproof situation.

You might also ask your midwife for references to women interested in birth that might want to be there and could be in charge of the kids? That might be a long shot, but maybe a doula in training that might need to attend a certain number of births? Or someone's older teenager that is familiar with birth? I would start mentioning to everyone you know, you never know who you might meet up with over the next several weeks that might work out.

What about the MDC tribal area for your geographical area? You might find some other moms that could help you out.

 

[hojobj]

KateMary, I haven't been able to find a babysitter, but I will start asking at the library storytimes. I have a neighbor at our new house who can be a last resort, but her two children have epilepsy and CP, and I hate the thought of adding more to her troubles. But if they aren't in the hospital with one of them, she or her husband could probably pinch hit until DH gets there.

I will try posting on the finding your tribe as I can try my area and Weirton WV too. Thanks for suggesting that!

Brenda

 

[provocativa]

Don't forget LLL as a resource, too. . .

 

[mwherbs]

have you been going to LLL meetings often you can find like minded parents at the meetings/ kindred spirits another possibility is to contact a doula --

 

[xenomama]

What about a doula? You could explain to those you contact that you'd need them to provide childcare, if needed, as well. There might be one available for that - especially one that's certifying.

 

[Kerrie]

My DD who is 4 was at my DD2's birth w/no one there to 'take care' of her. We had watched video after video of natural births and we read welcome with love at least once a day for months. She did great! My 2 yo was asleep so I'm not sure how he would have done. We did plan on my cousin being her support person but my labor and delivery went too quickly. I hope that you are able to figure it out. Good luck!

 

[hojobj]

Thank you all for your replies! I've been busy the last few days and hadn't come back until tonight.

The closest LLL meetings are 40 miles away in Pittsburgh, so due to financial reasons and lack of a dependable vehicle for most of the year 1/2 we've lived up here, that's been out of the question. I've missed them terribly! I probably wouldn't be here asking for help! LOL!

I haven't looked into a doula, money again, I have no insurance so we're paying for the midwife upfront.

I have spoken with the midwife about my concerns and may ask her if one of her older children can come and watch them (paid of course) if it ends up during the day. My youngest, who will be two, has slightly warmed up to one of her children, which is rare for him. He dislikes the SILs who he sees more often! (OK, I don't blame him!

)

So we'll see how it goes!

 

[mama sparrow]

Hi! It does sound like the midwife is probably your best bet for finding a pinch sitter. I'm rather in the same boat here. Praying that the baby will be born at night (and safely!!), while the others sleep. Although my dh is planning on being here, we are planning an unassisted birth, so he'll be busy. I'm hoping my SIL can come, but her daughter is due at the same time! so.....

Anyway, what I did to prepare is to buy special toys that the kids can't touch until I seriously can't handle them anymore... THEN they get the play doh, etc. Something that you KNOW will keep them occupied... be it movies, special snacks, whatever they can do alone. painting? legos? you'll know. It doesn't have to be expensive, just save it aside until-- if you need it. Good luck!!

 

[sahli29]

//

 

[hojobj]

Depending on which house we are living in, if we're in the new one I will break my rule and put a TV/VCR in the boys bedroom which is right next to ours open with double french doors, and have some new videos from Christmas they haven't seen for my 4 yr old, who will watch from beginning to end with no problem.

My main worry is the 2 yr old who is a Momma's boy and very hard to please. But I'll have some new toys and a new stuffed animal for the 2 yr old and see what happens. He's not into TV at all.

DH's dispatcher did say she would do what she can to keep him close to home as possible, so hopefully the loads will work out for him.

mattemma04, my midwife is from Canton, Brenda Scarpino. If she's the same midwife, she will go to Youngstown. She's coming all the way down here!

mamma sparrow, I wish you a happy birth having an unassisted birth! That was the first experience I read about before I decided homebirthing was the only way to go for my peace of mind. I couldn't do the unassisted, but appreciate anyone who can!

Thank you for your suggestions! I appreciate it!

 

[sahli29]

//

 

[Charmie981]

I definitely second the LLL recommendation. Also contact local homeschool groups. You know, I would just call them and say "I'm looking for a babysitter who is willing to do this for me." You're in a situation where you need to just ask rather than trying to befriend someone and then ask them to help. Those type of friendships usually take more than 2 months to develop. Of course, participating in those groups is a great idea for making friends, but I would just straight up ask for the babysitter information, and then ask the recommended babysitter if they're willing to come over for a couple of hours each week until the baby's born so that the kids are familiar with her.

IMO, it's really important to have someone there for them. Some kids do great and some moms do great with kids there, but you just never know until it happens. Also, you must consider the possibility of an emergency transport (not very likely, I know). If you and the midwife are the only ones there, then what will happen with the children in that case? If your labor goes so quickly that no one has time to get there for them, then I doubt there will be any problems, but it's really important to have a contingency plan just in case. I know that mothering kiddos can really interfere with your journey into laborland, so having someone else to "mother" them while you birth can take a lot of pressure off of you.

 

[hojobj]

mattemma04, That's good to hear about Brenda! It's been hard for me having a new midwife when I had a real spiritual connection with my FL midwife. She's seems competent and the aura around her house when her daughter gave birth a couple of months ago was very peaceful and loving. It's nice to hear from someone who's had her. She's still very reasonable! We don't have insurance and she's only charged us $1000 for the birth plus $100 for travel.

I have the book my FL midwife gave me for my last birth with what to do if the baby comes early. Plus the book about unassisted birthing, I can remember the name of right now.

One thing I can do with my 2 year old is let him vacuum. LOL! Yes you read right. The boys love to vacuum and are taking turns while I'm typing this!

Great News! I was talking to a mother at the library and she gave me her number to watch the boys at my house if DH doesn't make it home! We've been kind of talking back and forth at the storytimes and she mentioned she had no one to help her for one of her births when she first moved here. She knows what it's like and volunteered to come if I needed her. So at least I know I have a back up plan!

Thank you! Your positive vibes and comments have helped me out a lot! I will definitely be having a craft box ready with Playdoh and things they like to do ready.

 

[hojobj]

Charlotte,

I loved LLL while in Florida, but the closest groups to me are in Pittsburgh, PA which is 40 miles away. It's just not possible for my at this time to even attend a meeting.

I'm always telling people to go there for breastfeeding help! I do miss them!

 

[Monica]

I am in a similar situation and after talking to my midwife, her recommendation and probably the one we will go with is that she could bring along a midwifery student - she said they will do ANYTHING to get to a birth LOL and there won't be any charge (we were considering hiring a Doula) You might inquire with her about that.

 

[hojobj]

Thanks Monica! I'll ask my midwife about that when I visit her.

 

[sahli29]

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