I think it's totally normal to still think about your EX and to have wistful feelings from time to time. You were in love with her. Those feelings don't just disappear, even when the relationship has been abusive or otherwise unpleasant. I know that I still think about my exes from time to time, check out their partners with narrowed eyes, etc., and it is in no way a reflection of my feelings for my beloved dw. It is especially hard with those EXes with whom I am not friends, which is only true for a couple of people who I once dated. When there hasn't been good closure (which, in my book, only happens once we've survived the break-up and found a way to keep knowing each other in a friendly way), thoughts of an EX can just bring up all the sadness, hurt, and angst that was there at the end of the relationship.
And the drama in our circle of queer friends often plays out like an L-word script, lol.
Just the other day I was lamenting how all the lesbian families on television always end up breaking up (like in The L-word, Queer As Folk, and The Wire) . . . and then realized, "hey, it's kind of like in real life how all of our lesbians friends with kids have broken up . . . "
One couple with a 7-year-old recently broke up after one of the women was diagnosed with breast cancer, and her partner left her for the breast surgeon.
If something like that had happened on the L-word, I'd be like, "are you kidding
me?! This has gone too far!" Sigh.