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Post-Loss-Wait (Waiting to TTC After Loss)

3962 Views 129 Replies 23 Participants Last post by  babycarrier
I've been wandering around these boards today looking for others in my situation. I don't feel like I fit in on the pre-O thread, so started this one for anyone who is in the post-loss-wait. For some of us, its a wait until we are emotionally ready, for others its a certain time frame decided upon for our own personal reason.

So is anyone out there with me? What's your reason? How do you feel about it?

It's only 3 weeks since my m/c, but I feel at peace with it and ready to move on. I feel ready to ttc again. But I'd like to have one period before we do, so I'm waiting, who knows how long?

I sometimes feel frustrated that I have to wait (my own restriction, I know), not knowing how long that will be. Other times am just fine with it, happy to enjoy life not being pg, doing and eating the things I otherwise couldn't, working myself into a new exercise routine (flew out the window when I began spotting over a month ago) and focusing on doing good for my body as I gear up to ttc.

I also think about how it will be to be pg again, how I will feel, what I will do differently and how long it will take.
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No advice for your, adventuregirl - just a
. I didn't know about your loss till now. I'm sorry - it sounds like you are in a peaceful place, though. Good luck to you in your next journey!
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I'm really sorry about your loss. My 2nd baby was lost last May. We started trying again last month and now I'm in the 2ww again. I have no patience!! I waited longer to TTC this time to give my body a rest.

It's really hard because I "should" be pregnant right now and here we are TTC again which is a roller coaster ride in itself.

I'll be hanging out here more I think. I hope to have some good news soon. I've felt some of the things you have...

I try to think positive...if I'm not PG..getting sleep...reading novels...drinking wine.

But I really want a family too. It's not fair!!

This feels like a good place for me right now- thanks to adventuregirl for starting this thread. I just got my period yesterday for the first time after a m/c at 5.5 weeks 5 weeks ago.
I just got off the phone after leaving a message at my fertility clinic's office (I am trying to conceive through donor insemination in the most natural way possible under the circumstances). They had initially recommended waiting 1 full cycle, but I do believe that I'm ready now and feel strong and healthy-have been exercising & eating well, & started taking my supplements again. But the whole TTC process is SO hard; such a roller coaster, and I don`t know if I'm really ready or not. I keep thinking-well if you do get pregnant, you won't regret a thing, and I`m SO ready to be pg, but am I ready to go through this whole thing again? Not so sure.

baby dust to all, hugs for your losses & thanks for listening,
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I hear you, ladies. Its so hard to wait, yet you can intellectualize the good things about waiting, but then your heart just hurts because you *were* pg and think about where you would be in your life had you not lost that.

Aside from all of that I am trying to focus on moving my life forward and be positive.

I had no idea what to expect from my cycle post-loss, but got soooo excited last week when I had some ewcm, and then had to talk myself out of bd-ing (or more appropriately, using protection). DH agreed, it would really be best to have one period first, but in that moment, I just wanted to make us a baby. So now I'm hoping it will be my normal 2 weeks until af shows, we shall see.... Then I shall climb back onto that rollercoaster.

I'm glad to see that others are here with me.

Abylite, best of luck this month!
Hi All,
It looks like this is the place for me as well. I received confirmation today that I indeed had a miscarriage on Friday night. It has been such a roller coaster, the pregnancy was unexpected (yah, right I was on the pill!!!!) but once it was here I never wanted anything more in my life and my dh Steve was beside himself with giddiness. The really maddening part is that the timing was SO perfect. I run my own business out of my house, I'd have delivered in June which happens to be a time of the year that 98% of my work is right here at home. Wanna be Momma, I told myself just what you said this afternoon, if I get pregnant right away--there will be NO regrets. My hcg is still at 383, does anyone know, can I conceive before it drops to 0? Is there a danger in conceiving prior to getting a real period (other than difficulty in dating?) You know, on my way home today I picked up an ovulation test. I can't believe how much I truly want a baby right now. This will sound dumb but one thing that really bugs me is that my oldest dog Havoc just loves babies so much and I was so excited that we would have one while he was still alive
Anyway, thanks for starting the thread Adventure Girl, so how many of us are trying right away??
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Dh and I will start charting after the bleeding stops, and if it looks like I will O, we are going to try. Does that seem irreverent? I hope not. I read you have increased fertility for the first 3 months after a m/c. Does anyone know if that's true? What could be the cause of that?

Good luck to you, Adventuregirl, Wan2bemama,and Abylite!
I'm so glad to hear that Katie, we will be doing the same thing, so I suppose you and I will still be in "the same boat"

This all just seems so surreal doesn't it?
I can't express how much comfort this board has brought me though.
I was just talking with a very close friend, years ago, she went through 1 miscarriage and 2 ectopics, she had told nobody and so had no real support. I told her about this because it allows you to be honest with people who understand.
It may be unreasonable but you know I really hope I get pregnant again right away--and you too.
I was waiting to get blood drawn today and I was so sad to see a girl who was all of about 15 with a tiny baby and she just looked so sad, I couldnt' help but think how screwed up the universe is that she had a healthy baby when she likely didn't want a baby at all and I lost one at a stage in my life when I'd have given my life to make the world work for one.
What can you do other than keep trying and know you can make a difference if you're given a chance.
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Welcome Shannon, I'm sorry for your loss, ITA that these boards are such a fantastic help.

The reason we are waiting for one period is mostly for my body to have some time to recover. I also want to go through a full cycle so that my uterus is strong and back to normal. I haven't seen any real concrete evidence that not waiting for a period is any riskier, I just feel intuitively that this is what I need to do. As much as I want a baby, after being pg for 3 months and looking ahead to another 9, I feel strongly that for me, the break will do worlds of good for my body to enter into this again.

That being said, I don't think your body will accept implantation if it is not ready to handle a pregnancy. I've heard the same thing about increased fertility after m/c, not sure why though.

May we all have BFPs on our next (or most recent) try!
Hi there,
Well I think I've figured out the reason for the increased fertility after m/c. In reading on some fertility sites they sometimes give a medication with hCG in it to aid in conception. So I suppose if your hCG levels are still up from the previous pregnancy it would be similar. I was only 7 weeks along and they figure my baby died at 5 weeks so I don't know that my uterus is much different than it used to be
: My other issue is I have rhuematoid arthritis and I am currently on prednisone due to a terrible flare in the summer, fortunately prednisone is safe during pregnancy. I am usually on Methortrexate which is better for the disease in general but VERY unsafe for pregnacy (actually it's what they give you to abort an early ectopic) So I'd like off the prednisone because it causes me to gain a couple pounds a month. That and I just so want to hold a baby in my arms.

On that note, has anyone used the ovulation detectors that use saliva instead of urine?? They appear to be much cheaper even if just because they are reusable but do they work????
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Hi again everyone,

(especially to Shannon who's in Ontario too!)

Well to add to the craziness of my life right now, last night my partner & I put an offer on a house--it would be wonderful to get it, and even more wonderful to be pregnant when we move in (in Dec.).

But not helping my overall stress which is compounded by busy job, etc. I still haven't heard from fertility doctor, so think they want me to wait--this might be okay because I have such a stressful month right now that it might not help my fertility! But if I need to argue with them it won't be the first time....

Great to hear from all of you in a similar situation. Shannon-thanks for info on reasons for increased fertility, I've been really curious about that too. On the fertility monitor question, I use Clearplan fertility monitor (super expensive, but you can get it off eBay much cheaper), but that's because the saliva method isn't precise enough--with AI I need my top 2 fertile days. But if you're using a more natural method
you may be fine with the saliva monitor.

Warning: detailled info about body stuff &
-may not be for everyone!
Did anyone notice a difference in their menstruation after m/c ? Mine seems especially heavy & crampy and was wondering if this is normal.

Good luck to all--Hope to see you soon on a July, August, or September 2004 expecting mamas board!
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Thank you, adventuregirl, for starting this thread.
I had my second miscarriage/D&C on Sep. 18 as well. I was 9.5 weeks this time. I really feel in a pretty good place, considering. We've been ttc 2 years, and I'm not about to go buy condoms at this point! But I'm also not buying an OPK either. Of course, I've been obsessively checking cm for so long now I can't help but do it now. Nothing yet.
After my first D&C, 41/2 years ago at 14 weeks, AF came 4 weeks on the dot. DS was conceived 4 months after the miscarriage. That D&C was quick and no bleeding after, but that period was really heavy and crampy, now that I think about it, wan2bemama. Before DS my AF was usually super light and easy.
This time I've only just stopped bleeding clots last week, and three days ago was the last spotting, so who knows when I'll ever have AF again. That's probably the main reason we're not using protection. Maybe if I had any inkling that I was ovulating or that AF was coming in good time, I would try not to get pregnant. It seems like a good idea to wait, really, and give your body a chance to heal and make sure everything is cleaned out and fresh. Seems like a good idea, but I'm not doing it, so there you go. I'm trying not to obsess about it, and just see what happens.
Of course in about two weeks I'll probably start buying hpts like crazy, and imagining everything as a pregnancy symptom if AF hasn't come. Urgh!
Anyway, I'm glad this place is here, though of course I'm sorry you all have to be. Good luck!
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Originally posted by Lucysmama
Dh and I will start charting after the bleeding stops, and if it looks like I will O, we are going to try. Does that seem irreverent? I hope not. I read you have increased fertility for the first 3 months after a m/c. Does anyone know if that's true? What could be the cause of that?

No it does not seem irreverent, when I lost Cole I was temping & charting I detected O a mere ten days after the m/c....and he was conceived during a phase where I was not O-ing frequently. I am not sure what is the cause of increased fertility after a m/c other than the cervix being slightly open....I'm sure there is a hormonal explanation.
Anyway, I just wanted to say dh & I always started ttc immediately after each pregnancy we have lost. TTC, for me anyway, has been a source of comfort during my time of intense
grieving. I know many couples wait....if it feels right, and there is no physical reason to delay ttc, I don't see any point in waiting.
Hi everyone-
I think I belong here too. I had my first m/c in July and we just started ttc this month. We really wanted to get pg again so I bought the ovulation kit- hopefully it worked. I decided to spend the money and go with the brand name. We have another week or so to find out! So now I am obsessing with every feeling my body is having. I don't remember being like this with my son's pregnancy 3 years ago. This whole week I have had some constipation issues. I did have this with my last pregnancy which ended in mc so I am a little worried that I if I am pg that it won't stick. But with the mc, I didn't have these feelings until after I already knew I was pg. Has anyone else had this issue? Good luck to everyone here! For us, even though we didn't want to wait 3 cycles, I think it was for the best- both physical and emotional healing. Thanks for listening!
Hi Everyone,

I'm popping in for an update, I got my period yesterday! Yes, I am happy about this, we decided to wait to ttc until I had one period, and here she is, yay! So now its just waiting for that fertile ewcm, but at least I have an idea of when that will show up. It was hard to wait for this period not knowing how long it would take, it was only 5.5 weeks.

Wishing you all the best in your time of healing and trying for a new bundle!
Yay, adventuregirl! Good luck TTC this cycle...are you going over to the TTC Pre-O thread at all? I'm hanging out there!
Not for long, though...I have been taking OPKs the past few days, and today I got a nearly positive one! (Line was not as dark as control, but there for sure!)
I am so surprised!
I just finished bleeding about 10 days ago, and my body is already gearing up to O again!!!

So I don't think I am going to wait till after the first period. We are going to go for it this month. Let the BD begin!
I am sort of excited about it, cause we haven't had sex since I found out I was pregnant, miscarried, and stopped bleeding. I just didn't feel amorous...

How is everyone else doing...?
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Hi all

Katie--your little Lucy is sooooo beautiful!!! What a lovely little girl-you must be one happy mama!

Adventuregirl--good luck! I know how you feel. When I got my period again I felt relieved--it was like, oh at least something's working, something's back to normal.

Was back at my fertility docs practice today--what a joke! While they were very compassionate at the time of the miscarriage, they had obviously totally forgotten about it--the receptionist said 'boy, it`s been a while--what's your name again?`And the doc said, after my u/s revealed that I'm not ovualting yet (no surprise since that`s what my temperature & monitor & mucus also indicate), we may need to try you on medication next time. At which point I had to point out that I got pregnant last time just fine without any medication. He had obviously forgotten this, and had to look in my chart to see oh yes-you had a positive pregnancy test last time, right!

Honestly, after a number of negative experiences at this place, at least my expectations are low! (he is the only practitioner in our area and is also very affordable, which I appreciate). Still, not a nice return to the fertility clinic which I hoped not to be visiting again.

Sorry this is so long!!! Good luck to all who are trying & all who are waiting for the big O!

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Katie, I posted right after you did on the pre-O thread, see you there!

Jesse, sounds like your clinic must see a lot of people. I hate it when they forget or don't even try to look up your history like that. Hope you O soon!
Yay adventuregirl!

Sending all of you many blessings and babydust
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Go for it, Katie!!! I always found the first time intercourse after a miscarriage to be very healing. I hope it will be the same for you and that you will conceive a sticky baby really soon!!!!

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