[bren94]

I'm feeling SO possessive over my baby. I don't like anyone besides me or DH holding him. I feel bad but every time someone takes him from me for more than a few minutes my heart aches


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[forestlover75]

Me too. We have only had a couple of visitors and my husband offered them to hold him. Yikes, serious mama bear response in me (I hid it though)


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[jodieanneanton]

Totally normal, @bren94! And those instincts are what kept humans alive and thriving for millennia! I have to practically sit on top of people who hold her if they are not in my circle. My circle is a few people who have earned the privilege of holding my babies without me staring them down. The circle started with just me, DH and my mom with DD! and has slowly expanded to my MIL, SIL, sisters and bff.

 

[Valerie11]

My MIL has been in town since Monday visiting and holding the baby. The first time she held him he was not happy. I told her he probably doesn't like her perfume and that I've read that babies don't like perfume because it's too strong. She was like, "I'm not wearing perfume". Oops! Well, whatever she's using in her hair or whatever smells pretty strong, but she can't smell it because her sense of smell is just about gone. Plus, I'm so not into smelly things, I usually buy everything unscented or make my own. But after that first time he has been fine with her holding him, which helps me to get things done. But she's still driving me a little crazy, so I can't wait for her to go home tomorrow. I hate to say that, but I need my alone time back.

And it hurts my heart a little bit every time someone else is holding him, too. Like, doesn't seem to matter to him who it is, any warm body is fine.

 

[heatbrown]

I remember with my first, DH's cousin and girlfriend came to see the baby (they were our only local family in LA) and his girlfriend held my 3 day old. I thought I was going to jump out of my skin. I knew her really well (although I didn't like her very much) so it wasn't a stranger issue, but it somehow bothered me more to have a woman hold my baby. Maybe just because men will hold the baby for a minute and then happily hand them right back! After they left, MY baby smelled SOOOO strongly of HER perfume/hairspray/lotion/dryer sheets. It absolutely overwhelmed me, and I felt like she'd almost ruined my baby by stealing his fresh pure natural scent from him! Plus, it felt on some animal instinct level like she had laid claim to him by covering him in her scent. And we are also a "scent free" essential oils only household, so besides the fact that the quantity of smells coming off of her were extreme to me, they were also all "fake." I play it much more cool when people want to hold my baby now (although I'd almost always rather be holding her), but it still bothers me. I rarely ask to hold a friend's new baby because I assume they feel the same - but then I wonder if maybe they don't and they just think I don't WANT to hold their baby (I pretty much always want to hold a baby LOL!).

 

[bren94]

My MIL pissed me off. William sent her a picture of the baby a couple of minutes after he was born she showed up 20 minutes later. So I'm there, still in the recovery room, epi wearing off, more exhausted than I've ever been, and trying to get to know this new person I just birthed and she walks in with her boyfriend. I was livid. She also didn't wash her hands and touched my 30 minute old baby all over his hands and face. Ugh.


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[alivewithyou]

Wow most of my family have been pretty respectful with holding the baby and making sure to wash their hands and checking in with me. My brothers girlfriend did piss me off though. She showed up drunk at my parents on Saturday and then tried to lay down with my baby and insisted she wasn't going to sleep.. Five minutes later I was taking my baby from her and she was passed out.


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[luckiest]

Everyone around me has been really respectful about holding the baby, waiting for me to offer him to them, and giving him back either when I ask or he starts to fuss at all. I've also only been around very close friends and family, so I haven't felt uneasy at all. Only one person has held him who smelled really strongly of perfume/shampoo/something, but she always does so I expected it and wrapped him in a blanket before she held him.

When DS was born we lived across the country from my family, and my dad flew out the day after he was born to see him. I had hemorrhaged and was still really weak and exhausted and so did not want company of any kind. He also wanted to hold the baby and took him out of the room away from me - oh hell no! It was not a fun visit. Not quite on par with your MIL visiting at thirty minutes PP Bren - yikes!


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[forestlover75]

Whoa! @alivewithyou, that would REALLY upset me! Like I said, we've only had 3 visitors (other than our midwives). The first, my friend, just popped in to walk the dog the day we birthed. I was in bed nursing and she didn't come near the baby. The second, our upstairs neighbor, is very sweet, but smokes & I could smell cigarettes on her. So I was on edge when she held the baby. The third is a colleague of my husbands who was dropping of soup for us. He had the perfect newborn holding decorum, likely because he has kids of his own. @bren94, don't be shy about telling folks to wash their hands. I just say, "feel free to wash your hands on the kitchen or bathroom, whichever you prefer".


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[Milk8shake]

We've had a million visitors. This is our first, and he's been six years in the making, so we have a lot of excited friends and family. Lots of baby pass the parcel, which I don't really have a problem with.

My parents and in laws were beating down the door as soon as we were on the ward, but we had a good hour in recovery first, so it wasn't too terrible.

I've basically been a hand washing nazi. I didn't even let anyone breathe on Lincoln without washing their hands. As for smokers, well - sorry - they are not allowed to hold my baby at all. Unless they shower and change clothes. Period. Oh and drunk people? Nope.

 

[Valerie11]

And we are also a "scent free" essential oils only household, so besides the fact that the quantity of smells coming off of her were extreme to me, they were also all "fake."

Yes, exactly!

 

[forestlover75]

As for smokers, well - sorry - they are not allowed to hold my baby at all. Unless they shower and change clothes. Period. Oh and drunk people? Nope.

Ugh! I agree. Wish my husband had checked with me before offering our neighbor to hold him!


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[luckiest]

Anyone else dealing with gas/fussiness?? We've had some rough days and nights here. Last night the gassiness was keeping the baby from falling asleep, and eventually he got totally disorganized and too tired to sleep and wouldn't nurse...I was up until almost 3am with him in a sling and bouncing on the exercise ball before he finally caved. He's been sort of unorganized all day today - will only sleep in the sling, fusses at the breast for a long time before actually nursing, indiscriminate crying spells.

We're using gas drops, but they don't seem to help that much. Since being in the sling helps calm him down, I bought a swaddle blanket in hopes that it'll keep him from getting to that "red zone." He hates being swaddled in the muslin blanket, but maybe this will work better since I can get it tighter.

Right now he's actually nursing without coming off and fussing twenty times, so here's hoping the 24 hour fuss storm is passing. Two week growth spurt maybe?


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[Valerie11]

Anyone else dealing with gas/fussiness?? We've had some rough days and nights here... We're using gas drops, but they don't seem to help that much.

Yes! Gas drops supposedly do not actually eliminate gas, they just lump it all together so that when he/she does burp, it all comes out at once. We've found that fennel seed tea or gripe water (fennel extract) helps a lot more for this. I had some leftover in the fridge, but noticed it's expired, so we'll have to go get more. It's a lifesaver!

 

[alivewithyou]

@luckiest: you described my baby to almost a T. She doesn't sleep more than an hour right now before she wakes herself up.. she wants to eat constantly but will only eat smaller portions before falling asleep and then she is up again. she is the noisiest sleeper right now as well. My only solution has been to take naps with her as she naps today.. but that's all I got.

 

[jodieanneanton]

@luckiest and @alivewithyou... You know those people who have a personal experience and they go making assumptions that everyone else's experience, if remotely resembling theirs, HAS to be the same? I am totally gonna do that here. Totally ignore if you want. For serious. Cuz I am being so annoying I am annoying myself! (I'm SORRY in advance!) I know that we have talked quite a bit about tongue tie. And it is entirely possible that that is not what is going on here. @luckiest, I know that you went and had Gus checked out by a dentist and she said the frenulum is normal and doesn't need clipping... but I was wondering if s/he checked for Posterior tongue tie in addition to looking at the frenulum... PTT cannot be revised by simple clipping and your description of your visit made me wonder if PTT was assessed.) Olive was just like that fussy at the breast, gas, burps, etc. before her revision. Within 24 hours, she was a new baby!! Then within 3 days, she started the weird gassy/fussy/burpy/etc. behavior... increasing in intensity with each passing day. We were just reassessed by the dentist who did the laser revision and it turns out that there has been some reattachment/healing of the lasered area (Apparently, Olive is a fast healer and I wasn't doing the stretches exactly right)... Which would explain the symptoms returning. We are going back to have it fixed on Tuesday, which will hopefully fix the returning issues. So that is sharing our experience. Mostly, I just wanted to point out that while those symptoms (falling asleep after eating only a small amount, gassiness, fussiness, grunting, and more) could be symptoms of a number of things, they can also be signs of a tie. No matter the cause, I hope things get more managable for you guys!!! I am in the midst of it now, too! (Though I hope Tuesdays re-revision will bring relief once again!)

 

[Milk8shake]

Interesting @jodieanneanton! My little guy has both a tongue and lip tie, which we are booked in to have revised by laser. He's been having fussy episodes, grunting and a lot of gas and I think he's taking in air while feeding. It's another week before we can have the treatment though, so I'm also in the midst with you!

 

[luckiest]

She did evaluate for PTT as well...she said his tongue mobility is really good, he elevated the back of his tongue, and that if she were to clip there's hardly anything there to clip at all, like maybe 1mm. We left things saying I would go to the CST one more time, really work on his latch, and if nothing improved in the next two weeks I'd come back and she'd revise. I don't want to put him through it if it's unnecessary, you know?

Next week we have our second CST appointment, and if that doesn't help any of this then I'll go back in to the dentist.

I tried swaddling Gus last night. It was better than the night before, but still not great. I think the swaddle kept him from waking up fully and going into full scale crying, but he still grunted and kicked all night and I hardly slept again. Ugh.


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[cagnew]

Joshua is also very fussy. He is probably my most difficult baby- definitely my worst sleeper. Out of five babies he is the first one to be so needy that I have a hard time getting shower or just drinking a cup of hot coffee. He doesn't just want to be held, he wants to be jiggled and rocked and patted. It's exhausting. All of my babies have been crabby and clingy, but he takes the cake!

 

[luckiest]

Gus is super happy and content when he's awake - I can set him down on the bed or in the bouncer and he will be content the whole time he's awake. But as soon as he starts to get sleepy he resists going to sleep. Rocking, walking, bouncing, nursing, pacifier, sling...he'll force his eyes open as long as possible. So frustrating! DS1 did this too, but he didn't start until much later. I always said about DS1, that he doesn't "go" to sleep, he succumbs. Then once he is actually asleep, he can't be set down. At all. Lord help you if you have to poop while he's asleep.




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