I don't think I've ever posted here, but I have an issue and I just need to talk about it. My SIL worked for a daycare in my neighborhood. The owner/director of the daycare told her to hit her daughter (who attends the daycare) with a wooden spoon to make her behave - but only at home I presume. She told me this and of course, I was disgusted and repulsed and felt I needed to do SOMETHING. I felt my only recourse was to tell other moms in the neighborhood (I was sure it was true). So I posted the info on the neighborhood moms message board (where I had seen other negative reviews of the same daycare). Someone sent it to the director and now my sil has been fired. She can't afford to be fired. I couldn't stand not doing anything about what I had heard. What on earth do I do now?
Posting a negative review re daycare issue...
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Oh dear <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I don't really know what you can do - what a tough situation. I'm sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
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That's a tough situation, but I think that your SIL does have some legal recourse if she can prove that she was fired in retaliation.
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>angelpie545</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10283774"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That's a tough situation, but I think that your SIL does have some legal recourse if she can prove that she was fired in retaliation.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>angelpie545</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10283774"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That's a tough situation, but I think that your SIL does have some legal recourse if she can prove that she was fired in retaliation.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
Thank you for replying. Well unfortunately, TX is an "at-will" state? I think that means they can pretty much fire her for whatever. She doesn't have the money to hire an attorney so one would have to take the case pro-bono. It would be extremely easy to prove that they fired her in retaliation though...
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Dolphin</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10283087"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't think I've ever posted here, but I have an issue and I just need to talk about it. My SIL worked for a daycare in my neighborhood. The owner/director of the daycare told her to hit her daughter (who attends the daycare) with a wooden spoon to make her behave - but only at home I presume. She told me this and of course, I was disgusted and repulsed and felt I needed to do SOMETHING. I felt my only recourse was to tell other moms in the neighborhood (I was sure it was true). So I posted the info on the neighborhood moms message board (where I had seen other negative reviews of the same daycare). Someone sent it to the director and now my sil has been fired. She can't afford to be fired. I couldn't stand not doing anything about what I had heard. What on earth do I do now?</div>
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Forward this info to your local DSS, as they are the one's who license daycares such as this, and if the director is advocating corporal punishment aka: abuse, then there should be reprocussions. I investigated a situation such as this and the daycare worker (director's sister) was forced to resign.
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Dolphin</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10283087"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't think I've ever posted here, but I have an issue and I just need to talk about it. My SIL worked for a daycare in my neighborhood. The owner/director of the daycare told her to hit her daughter (who attends the daycare) with a wooden spoon to make her behave - but only at home I presume. She told me this and of course, I was disgusted and repulsed and felt I needed to do SOMETHING. I felt my only recourse was to tell other moms in the neighborhood (I was sure it was true). So I posted the info on the neighborhood moms message board (where I had seen other negative reviews of the same daycare). Someone sent it to the director and now my sil has been fired. She can't afford to be fired. I couldn't stand not doing anything about what I had heard. What on earth do I do now?</div>
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Forward this info to your local DSS, as they are the one's who license daycares such as this, and if the director is advocating corporal punishment aka: abuse, then there should be reprocussions. I investigated a situation such as this and the daycare worker (director's sister) was forced to resign.
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KylieLove06</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10283931"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Forward this info to your local DSS, as they are the one's who license daycares such as this, and if the director is advocating corporal punishment aka: abuse, then there should be reprocussions. I investigated a situation such as this and the daycare worker (director's sister) was forced to resign.</div>
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Thank you Kylie...so the DSS, is that the licensing board? So you think even if she is advocating this type of thing to individual mothers, it will still warrant action on their part? I'm hoping!!! Oops, just noticed you did say it was licensing board - I'm sorry. Ok, I will definitely do that...thank you so much for the info!!
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KylieLove06</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10283931"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Forward this info to your local DSS, as they are the one's who license daycares such as this, and if the director is advocating corporal punishment aka: abuse, then there should be reprocussions. I investigated a situation such as this and the daycare worker (director's sister) was forced to resign.</div>
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Thank you Kylie...so the DSS, is that the licensing board? So you think even if she is advocating this type of thing to individual mothers, it will still warrant action on their part? I'm hoping!!! Oops, just noticed you did say it was licensing board - I'm sorry. Ok, I will definitely do that...thank you so much for the info!!
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Isn't Tx mostly a "take em out to the woodshead" population? I don't think spanking is illegal there, even with a spoon. I think corporal punishment (with an implement) is still used in some schools there isn't it? It was when my little sister was there (she's only 19 now).
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>moondiapers</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10284200"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Isn't Tx mostly a "take em out to the woodshead" population? I don't think spanking is illegal there, even with a spoon. I think corporal punishment (with an implement) is still used in some schools there isn't it? It was when my little sister was there (she's only 19 now).</div>
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Unfortunately in a lot of areas, it's definitely like that. But it's definitely not legal in schools and daycares. The fact that this woman is advocating it and she is in a position of influence concerning children is what really gets me. She also told another mom to use hotsauce and soap to curb a 3 year old's bad language problem.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>moondiapers</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10284200"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Isn't Tx mostly a "take em out to the woodshead" population? I don't think spanking is illegal there, even with a spoon. I think corporal punishment (with an implement) is still used in some schools there isn't it? It was when my little sister was there (she's only 19 now).</div>
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Unfortunately in a lot of areas, it's definitely like that. But it's definitely not legal in schools and daycares. The fact that this woman is advocating it and she is in a position of influence concerning children is what really gets me. She also told another mom to use hotsauce and soap to curb a 3 year old's bad language problem.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry">
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I'm putting my fire-retardant suit on, to say that you were wrong.<br><br>
YOU shouldn't be the one posting. You have no connection to that place except for the fact that you know a person working there. It should have been your SIL posting.<br><br>
First, the parents are not going to listen to you. Rightfully, they will assume that you're repeating stuff you may have heard secondhand, and since you've never used the place yourself, and more importantly, your SIL who witnessed this didn't feel a need or that it was bad enough to quit OR post something herself...of course most people will disregard it.<br><br>
Second, you just endangered someone else's job for them. I assume (perhaps wrongly so) that you did this without her permission or prior knowledge.<br><br>
Since there were already negative reviews, presumably from firsthand folks, to be honest, I don't understand why you felt you "needed to do something". When what you did was what other people were doing, but you're less credible. Your SIL posting that, that might be different.<br><br>
So I don't see what was accomplished, other than getting your SIL fired. If you had wanted to do something more than what was already done (posting a negative review on the neighborhood message board), you should have made a report to the licensing board.<br><br>
How does your SIL feel about all this? Relieved, hopefully? I hope she doesn't get screwed when it comes to references, if she wants to work in childcare in the local area. I have walked out/reported centers before, but *I* did it, so I was prepared. I would have been a little pissed if someone had made that call for me, but then again I wouldn't work for a place that had those policies either.<br><br>
ETA: And "at-will" state or not, your sister should at least think about looking up her rights, if for no other reason that she can challenge denial for unemployment assistance, if she's eligible. If this was a center-center, and not a home business, then she should be eligible for unemployment if she's worked there for a certain period of time. That may help. She may also want to know if employers are barred by law from stating anything other than confirming the person worked there on the dates that they did (for her next job application somewhere else), so if the director violates that at badmouths her, she can file a complaint. I hope she finds another job soon. It shouldn't be hard if she wants to stay in the child care field BUT center directors will sometimes cue in others to "problem" workers. Though I guess if the issue comes up, she can always say that you posted without her permission. Let's hope it doesn't though. It can be tough to find a position in your local area, if someone decides to try to give you a reputation. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
YOU shouldn't be the one posting. You have no connection to that place except for the fact that you know a person working there. It should have been your SIL posting.<br><br>
First, the parents are not going to listen to you. Rightfully, they will assume that you're repeating stuff you may have heard secondhand, and since you've never used the place yourself, and more importantly, your SIL who witnessed this didn't feel a need or that it was bad enough to quit OR post something herself...of course most people will disregard it.<br><br>
Second, you just endangered someone else's job for them. I assume (perhaps wrongly so) that you did this without her permission or prior knowledge.<br><br>
Since there were already negative reviews, presumably from firsthand folks, to be honest, I don't understand why you felt you "needed to do something". When what you did was what other people were doing, but you're less credible. Your SIL posting that, that might be different.<br><br>
So I don't see what was accomplished, other than getting your SIL fired. If you had wanted to do something more than what was already done (posting a negative review on the neighborhood message board), you should have made a report to the licensing board.<br><br>
How does your SIL feel about all this? Relieved, hopefully? I hope she doesn't get screwed when it comes to references, if she wants to work in childcare in the local area. I have walked out/reported centers before, but *I* did it, so I was prepared. I would have been a little pissed if someone had made that call for me, but then again I wouldn't work for a place that had those policies either.<br><br>
ETA: And "at-will" state or not, your sister should at least think about looking up her rights, if for no other reason that she can challenge denial for unemployment assistance, if she's eligible. If this was a center-center, and not a home business, then she should be eligible for unemployment if she's worked there for a certain period of time. That may help. She may also want to know if employers are barred by law from stating anything other than confirming the person worked there on the dates that they did (for her next job application somewhere else), so if the director violates that at badmouths her, she can file a complaint. I hope she finds another job soon. It shouldn't be hard if she wants to stay in the child care field BUT center directors will sometimes cue in others to "problem" workers. Though I guess if the issue comes up, she can always say that you posted without her permission. Let's hope it doesn't though. It can be tough to find a position in your local area, if someone decides to try to give you a reputation. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Tigerchild</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10284603"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm putting my fire-retardant suit on, to say that you were wrong.<br><br>
YOU shouldn't be the one posting. You have no connection to that place except for the fact that you know a person working there. It should have been your SIL posting.<br><br>
First, the parents are not going to listen to you. Rightfully, they will assume that you're repeating stuff you may have heard secondhand, and since you've never used the place yourself, and more importantly, your SIL who witnessed this didn't feel a need or that it was bad enough to quit OR post something herself...of course most people will disregard it.<br><br>
Second, you just endangered someone else's job for them. I assume (perhaps wrongly so) that you did this without her permission or prior knowledge.<br><br>
Since there were already negative reviews, presumably from firsthand folks, to be honest, I don't understand why you felt you "needed to do something". When what you did was what other people were doing, but you're less credible. Your SIL posting that, that might be different.<br><br>
So I don't see what was accomplished, other than getting your SIL fired. If you had wanted to do something more than what was already done (posting a negative review on the neighborhood message board), you should have made a report to the licensing board.<br><br>
How does your SIL feel about all this? Relieved, hopefully? I hope she doesn't get screwed when it comes to references, if she wants to work in childcare in the local area. I have walked out/reported centers before, but *I* did it, so I was prepared. I would have been a little pissed if someone had made that call for me, but then again I wouldn't work for a place that had those policies either.</div>
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Ouch. Ok, so I opened myself up for that, so I was prepared. My connection to the place was only that I had interviewed them for my own son and had been looking on the same message board for reviews of it. I ended up not going with them because I just got a bad feeling. But I think when I heard that from my SIL, I felt a need to offer the info for other moms that were seeking info just as I had been earlier. And there is more to the story really - this woman had been harassing my sil for weeks before this in an effort, we believe, to make her quit. The reason I didn't initially file a complaint was that my SIL said she planned to. But I told her the minute she told me of the incident that I would tell every mom I could in the neighborhood. She thanked me for that. And she couldn't have posted where I did because she doesn't live here. It's my neighborhood message board. I think she is relieved that she isn't being harassed any more, but I'm sure she isn't relieved that she doesn't have a job. And I didn't know I was endangering her job when I posted. I thought I was simply telling other moms in the area, many of whom I've met, about what happened. Because if I had known something like that when I was interviewing, I would have immediatley checked them off my list.<br><br>
But thanks for your honesty. I just want to know what I can do now. Or maybe I should just crawl into a hole.
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Tigerchild</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10284603"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm putting my fire-retardant suit on, to say that you were wrong.<br><br>
YOU shouldn't be the one posting. You have no connection to that place except for the fact that you know a person working there. It should have been your SIL posting.<br><br>
First, the parents are not going to listen to you. Rightfully, they will assume that you're repeating stuff you may have heard secondhand, and since you've never used the place yourself, and more importantly, your SIL who witnessed this didn't feel a need or that it was bad enough to quit OR post something herself...of course most people will disregard it.<br><br>
Second, you just endangered someone else's job for them. I assume (perhaps wrongly so) that you did this without her permission or prior knowledge.<br><br>
Since there were already negative reviews, presumably from firsthand folks, to be honest, I don't understand why you felt you "needed to do something". When what you did was what other people were doing, but you're less credible. Your SIL posting that, that might be different.<br><br>
So I don't see what was accomplished, other than getting your SIL fired. If you had wanted to do something more than what was already done (posting a negative review on the neighborhood message board), you should have made a report to the licensing board.<br><br>
How does your SIL feel about all this? Relieved, hopefully? I hope she doesn't get screwed when it comes to references, if she wants to work in childcare in the local area. I have walked out/reported centers before, but *I* did it, so I was prepared. I would have been a little pissed if someone had made that call for me, but then again I wouldn't work for a place that had those policies either.</div>
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Ouch. Ok, so I opened myself up for that, so I was prepared. My connection to the place was only that I had interviewed them for my own son and had been looking on the same message board for reviews of it. I ended up not going with them because I just got a bad feeling. But I think when I heard that from my SIL, I felt a need to offer the info for other moms that were seeking info just as I had been earlier. And there is more to the story really - this woman had been harassing my sil for weeks before this in an effort, we believe, to make her quit. The reason I didn't initially file a complaint was that my SIL said she planned to. But I told her the minute she told me of the incident that I would tell every mom I could in the neighborhood. She thanked me for that. And she couldn't have posted where I did because she doesn't live here. It's my neighborhood message board. I think she is relieved that she isn't being harassed any more, but I'm sure she isn't relieved that she doesn't have a job. And I didn't know I was endangering her job when I posted. I thought I was simply telling other moms in the area, many of whom I've met, about what happened. Because if I had known something like that when I was interviewing, I would have immediatley checked them off my list.<br><br>
But thanks for your honesty. I just want to know what I can do now. Or maybe I should just crawl into a hole.
Frankly, even if you report them nothing is likely to happen. I live in Texas and attended school in Texas and it IS legal in schools to hit children. There is a consent form that parents have to fill out but it is legal. The daycare worker didn't hit anyone, she just recommended to an employee (and she could possibly claim that she did so as a friend) that she should spank her child. She didn't force her to do anything and she didn't hit the children in her care.
The hot-sauce and soap is even more disturbing to me. What a sicko that woman is. How is the world so cruel to our little people instead of recognizing the gift that they are? Is it because they were treated cruelly as little people too?<br><br>
Sorry I have no advice to offer you. I would probably redouble my efforts to make that woman and her center lose credibility.
Sorry I have no advice to offer you. I would probably redouble my efforts to make that woman and her center lose credibility.
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Dolphin</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10284736"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I just want to know what I can do now. Or maybe I should just crawl into a hole.</div>
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Well, that's part of the problem. You can't make it all better (unless you want to offer SIL a job). If you want to change something at that center, then you need to file a report. True, it may not mean the inspectors are going to be beating down the door the next day, but a paper trail has to start somewhere and even in Texas people do care about the safety of children in daycares. You can also be there if your SIL has to challenge denial of unemployment benefits (if she qualifies). Maybe you can help her research her rights in regard to making sure this woman cannot screw up other chances for her employment. You can help her scan want ads, you can ask around your local contacts to see if there's someone who's happy with their center (so she can apply at places that won't be asking her to do things that could get her prosecuted--even if they've not put out a want ad, most daycares are always looking for subs or extra folks, so it doesn't hurt to be proactive with centers you *like*).<br><br>
If you've not already, you might want to apologize for how things turned out. Even though you're not the one who fired her, and she may have felt good about not having to work there anymore or that the word was out, that was still a big risk that obviously you didn't intend. And it may not be that big of a deal. Some areas are so understaffed that they won't care even if you have some negative dings on your employment history (scary, huh?). But maybe if there is a next time you guys can work together to file a real report, or you can do word of mouth, ect. It's not very wise to do that kind of thing on the internet where you have names and everything *right there* in permanent record.<br><br>
I hope she finds new employment, at a better place all around, soon.
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Dolphin</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10284736"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I just want to know what I can do now. Or maybe I should just crawl into a hole.</div>
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Well, that's part of the problem. You can't make it all better (unless you want to offer SIL a job). If you want to change something at that center, then you need to file a report. True, it may not mean the inspectors are going to be beating down the door the next day, but a paper trail has to start somewhere and even in Texas people do care about the safety of children in daycares. You can also be there if your SIL has to challenge denial of unemployment benefits (if she qualifies). Maybe you can help her research her rights in regard to making sure this woman cannot screw up other chances for her employment. You can help her scan want ads, you can ask around your local contacts to see if there's someone who's happy with their center (so she can apply at places that won't be asking her to do things that could get her prosecuted--even if they've not put out a want ad, most daycares are always looking for subs or extra folks, so it doesn't hurt to be proactive with centers you *like*).<br><br>
If you've not already, you might want to apologize for how things turned out. Even though you're not the one who fired her, and she may have felt good about not having to work there anymore or that the word was out, that was still a big risk that obviously you didn't intend. And it may not be that big of a deal. Some areas are so understaffed that they won't care even if you have some negative dings on your employment history (scary, huh?). But maybe if there is a next time you guys can work together to file a real report, or you can do word of mouth, ect. It's not very wise to do that kind of thing on the internet where you have names and everything *right there* in permanent record.<br><br>
I hope she finds new employment, at a better place all around, soon.
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6,362 Posts
Man that's a bad situation all the way around. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mama2Bug</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10285299"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Just a thought- Maybe you could pay your SIL to watch your DS- since you have him in daycare anyway, and she is a childcare worker. That would make up for her job loss and you would have your son with someone you definitely trust.</div>
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I don't actually have my ds in daycare. I had interviewed them for a mom's day out program they have, but I'm a sahm. I have offered to find her another job, but she says she doesn't want to work in childcare any more. She had said that before this all happened.
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mama2Bug</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10285299"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Just a thought- Maybe you could pay your SIL to watch your DS- since you have him in daycare anyway, and she is a childcare worker. That would make up for her job loss and you would have your son with someone you definitely trust.</div>
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I don't actually have my ds in daycare. I had interviewed them for a mom's day out program they have, but I'm a sahm. I have offered to find her another job, but she says she doesn't want to work in childcare any more. She had said that before this all happened.
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KylieLove06</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10283931"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Forward this info to your local DSS, as they are the one's who license daycares such as this, and if the director is advocating corporal punishment aka: abuse, then there should be reprocussions. I investigated a situation such as this and the daycare worker (director's sister) was forced to resign.</div>
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Plus I would go back and post on every board I could find that director fired your sister because of this. I think you sister should be happy to be out of there. Surely she can find (or start) a daycare situation where the children are respected. Course in TX there are a lot of Dobson aka use a spoon fans out there...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KylieLove06</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10283931"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Forward this info to your local DSS, as they are the one's who license daycares such as this, and if the director is advocating corporal punishment aka: abuse, then there should be reprocussions. I investigated a situation such as this and the daycare worker (director's sister) was forced to resign.</div>
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Plus I would go back and post on every board I could find that director fired your sister because of this. I think you sister should be happy to be out of there. Surely she can find (or start) a daycare situation where the children are respected. Course in TX there are a lot of Dobson aka use a spoon fans out there...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
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