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Hello mamas,<br><br>
Just when I think things are getting better in this long divorce recovery, ex does something. I was filed papers last night that dictate 22 counts of criminal contempt against me, by X. If I am convicted of any of these counts, I could be put in jail or own money to X. Needless to say, I didn't sleep a wink last night as I went over the papers with a fine tooth come, drawing up rebuttals on my computer, and including proof where I had it.<br><br>
Mostly he is saying that I am impeding phone conversation with the kids and him, and that I am not letting dd visit him. The phone impeding is a lie. Not allowing dd to visit is true. Our permanent parenting plan states that for reasons I don't want to get into here, that dd can not be left alone with ds at any time, and that at night, ds must sleep in his room with an alarm on the door. This is to protect Lakshmi. He lives in our marital house, and when we all lived there (nearly 6 years ago) ds had to have a door alarm installed, because he was sneaking out, leaving the house, turning off major applicances, and he was hurting Lakshmi. It was fully discussed, and included in our PPP. So for one year and 3 months, he disobeyed the order. He allowed ds and dd to sleep in the same bed, and even after I begged him over and over to stop this, he still did it,even after I filed a contempt order against him, he still continued. So finally I stopped sending her.<br><br>
And about the phone allegations, he actually impedes conversations between the kids (well now just with ds and me)and me, one of the worst cases was when I was talking to Ravi on the phone, he told ds to get off the phone after 1 minute. I told ds I wanted to keep talking, and kept busy with him. X started making alot of noise with the pots and pans, clanging them and making very childish sounds from the kitchen, which filled up the whole house apparently. Eventually I just started giving up talking to my son. Presently he will not allow me to talk for more than 1 minute, so I talk fast. It is very hard to send my kids off to their dad, and not hear from them during the weekend. They commented many times that if they talked longer, "Daddy would be mad at them". I didn't want them to be in trouble, so I stopped asking them to talk more than 1 minute.<br><br>
I need advice. I have an attorney and we will meet soon. I am panic stricken. I know these allegations are false, but what if the judge believes X? I could end up in jail, children could go to X and I may never see them again. When X still loved me, he told me that he would never get in the middle of children and their mother, but instead encourage the relationship. He has changed his tune now.
 

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Focus on the truth. Focus on having a judge that can see through this lie. Focus on having a judge that will realize that you've done what you've done in reaction to his inablity to guarantee the safety of your dd. Focus on your lawyer kicking butt in this charade.<br><br>
I will send much positive energy your way.
 

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What was the result of your contempt filing?<br><br>
It's true that the courts don't like parental interference, but they also don't like contempt. If the instructions were already in a filed court order, he needs to be following them.<br><br>
But even if he wins something in this round, meaning the judge finds you interfering and reprimands you, I would think it's highly unlikely custody would be changed.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Be strong! DD's father had papers served on me on a Friday night of the weekend that we were leaving Canada to move to the US. He knew for a while in advance but waited to file a petition to try to prevent us from moving. I called my lawyer (the one I have had since I was pregnant due to his foolishness) and I explained to my lawyer what was going on and told him that we were going and that he needed to fix this. I was freaking out too but we moved and he backed down. But I have an awesome lawyer and I think that can make or break it. Good luck.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">22 counts of criminal contempt</td>
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the dude filed 22 counts against the mother of his children I think any judge will see that for what it is spiteful and overkill.<br>
relax tell yourself what an amazing mother you are.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> This situation sounds awful for you and especially your dcs. I can't imagine a judge not seeing through his allegations.
 

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My x too plays awful games with the phone. I finally bought my daughter a trac phone and sometimes we text back and forth when her dad is not paying attention. He has conveniently lost the phone. I never knew they could charge you with something concerning the phone. He claims over and over that I impede his access. He demands that he and I call only at 8:30pm. If I am not home at 8:30 he calls over and over to get the children. I tell him if I don't answer please call my cell phone. He refuses, and has even come by the house to see if I am here, (neighbor told me). I finally got call fowarding and he can't tell which number is answering. I wish you luck. I hope you have a competent attorney. Keep us informed
 

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It is probably just lawyer games. My ex and his lawyer terrorized me when I was nine months pregnant with our daughter, filing and serving me with all kinds of ridiculous custody demands before she was even born! It all came to nothing (though is caused me such stress I actually experienced a stroke!) - and hopefully will for you too - be just something they throw at the wall to see anything sticks.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Thanks for your concerns and thoughts. I go from scared to confident. You just don't know how a judge will view any one thing. I have prepared myself, and I pray that I never have to be seperated from my kids, or go to prison.<br><br>
This past weekend, the kids and I traveled (I called the father twice about our trip, giving him information how to reach us, and then called again to give him new information about our location). During our trip, one of my daughters was poked below the eye with another kids (not my kids) walking stick...you know the kind you find naturally on a trail). She got a very black eye, and swelling. Well, she told me that he took a picture of her at school! Okay, so I believe he took it to try and say I did this to her. So I took her to the doctor and had him note it on her file, including the size and severity of it.<br>
His comment was, "It's a shame that you had to come all the way over here, waste your's and my time, your daughters miss their girl scouts meeting and you lose money because of this". He said that her eye was fine, and the way I cared for it was fine. He said that her vision was fine too.<br><br>
It's times like these where I can't take a chance. A photo of a black eye (and an untrue story about it) could be the end for me. I didn't mind spending the money that I was charged to prove that this was not very bad first of all, and that the child was able to report to the doctor that another child did this to her. That's one thing he can not charge me for!<br><br>
Well, it's been a very stressful time, and I hope the judge deals with him appropriately for causing all this stress. Worse of all, the children are as risk, and I can't even imagine how aweful my son feels, because his dad has involved him in this process.<br><br>
Please pray for the children and me. I love them so much!
 

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Discussion Starter #11
bump*<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:
 

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The way I see it is this. If you are innocent and none of these allegations are true, then you have nothing to worry about.<br><br>
You have a lawyer, let him do the worrying for you and talk to HIM about it (or her if your lawyer is a woman).
 

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Wow... my ex tried that, and the judge overthrew his demands, and I don't even have to give my ex my phone # (it's an unlisted blocked #) even though he tried to get the judge to rule that he have phone access. Basically there's no law that says I have to have a phone... Mind you, this is Canada too, so I don't know how that works in the states. Praying that it works out to be the best outcome for the children.<br><br>
Hugs,<br><br>
April
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Obviously innocent people have gone to jail before, so of course I have reason to worry!<br><br>
He called today to try and talk me into agreeing with some things, so that he would call his attorney and stop "this rediculas process" - his words!<br>
I told him that I actually look forward to seeing the judge, to finally be able to share with him what the kids and I have been through in the last 18 months.<br><br>
Thanks for your messages. Does anyone know if any mothers have served time in prison for these types of counts?
 

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I am sure some people go to jail, but I think it is usually for blatant violations. I think the judge can make you pay a fine, or just give you time to follow the orders. but if you have to respond to things that are unnecesary and ridiculous, you yourself can ask for the ex to have to pay your attorney fees.
 

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The "charge," though is contempt of court, not "she won't let me see DC" and people most certainly DO go to jail over contempt findings. Almost never for the first finding, though.<br><br>
I know it sounds hideous that you has 22 counts pending, but if you've not allowed your child to visit on 22 separate occasions, that's 22 counts. It's not like it's 22 separate issues, kwim?<br><br>
I don't think you're going to get anything but lectured by the judge and warned, honestly (I've seen similar issues countless times, and your ex will probably get the same for not following the parenting agreement) but I hope you'll use this as a wake-up call:<br><br>
NEVER DECIDE ON YOUR OWN TO VIOLATE A COURT ORDER.<br><br>
The FIRST time you decide that you couldn't send your child for the visit, you need to file for an emergency hearing...YOU need to file. If you do it RIGHT AWAY for a justifiable reason (not like "I don't like his girlfriend" or "he doesn't parent like me," kwim?) then you almost certainly will NOT be held in contempt for any restrictions up to and including to the date of court.<br><br>
Last note: However, if you lose your emergency or the final hearing and are ordered to allow visits, you can and WILL get in major trouble if you continue withholding visitation.<br><br>
Best of luck. Keep us informed, it sounds like you're going to be ok.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
There are actually 22 seperate counts, however some of the counts are each month that he says I withheld his rights to talk to the children.<br><br>
There was actually supposed to be a hearing (I did file a contempt order a year ago) but he was in a head on collision which placed him in the hospital for 6 days, and he had nearly three months of recovery from this, including treatment for all the conditions which were found in the emergency room.<br><br>
Frankly, we should have rescheduled the hearing, but life got busy with the kids school, extracurricular activities ext.<br><br>
Thanks for your post.
 
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