[BabyBearsMummy]

My 2.5 year old DD was doing very well with her potty learning to the point where she was having about an accident (occassionally two) a week. However she has started overnight visits with her father and despite his saying she is handling then well her behaviour afterwards indicates otherwise. When DD returns she shuns me but clings to her grandmother for an hour or two. It hurts but I am gratefully she is able to seek her grandmother for comfort.

Also after each overnight there has been a potty regression where DD has more accidents then is normal for her. After the first overnight she had a couple more accidents that day and then returned to her normal. After the second she had two or three days of increased (nearly constant) accidents before she returned to her norm. Since the third she has been having more accidents then success and both she and I are getting frustrated. It has been nearly two weeks and the next overnight is days away. Ex is not approchable on this (or anyother issue) regarding DD. I supect that DD is in diapers througout her visits with him.

What can I do to better help my DD deal with the stress of overnights and help her with her potty learning regressions following the visits.

 

[ann_of_loxley]

This is a hard one because I have no experience in either field (potty learning and/or being seperated) - but I figured I might have some advice to give to you and you had no replies yet!

First - I did EC with my son. One great thing about EC is that when they start having 'misses' from previously little or none...you know something is up! Usually this is a development of some kind - a milestone of theirs. The first year is easy, as its all milestones you can see - such as sitting up, crawling, cruising, walking, etc! I notice though that the ones after that are usually just a good guess - such as talking or some other inner milestone. DS has recently been having 'misses' at night (where previously he has been dry for a year - gotta love EC! lol) and during the day, for no reason I can really pin point, has had increased anger and frustrations. Perhaps just a three thing - but a three thing for a reason I am sure. I noticed today that his verbal undrestanding has increased - so my guess is that he has been working on this internally - cognative development? etc... (not something you can easily see) ...

So, my guess is - is that your DD is dealing with a lot right now, hence the cause of your misses (you guessed this as well)... There are two ways you can help her that I find helpful. (one you will already know)...

1). Be kind and understanding. DS used to get so frustrated and upset with himself whenever he had a 'miss' during the day. He is such a perfectionist! (this high level of expectation he did not get from me) All I could do, and all I think you can do for your DD during that time, is to try and be understanding. Validate her feelings and let her know its okay. Let her know often that it is okay. Simply state that we should use the potty/toilet but that its okay to have a miss and that she can try next time. Its important to never shame them about it or make them feel naughty or dirty for it - as that only hinders them. She may still be stressed about it and upset, etc, because she may have a high expectation for herself during this time and is failing to reach that - but with your unconditonal love and understanding, you can just be there for her and in doing so help her through this time. It will not happen overnight so just have patience.

Perhaps you could start by reminding her more often or suggesting the potty/toilet to her more often if you were previously not as there was no need. I have now gone back to putting my sleeping son (yes he stays asleep through it! hehe) on the potty before I got to bed (which is 2-3 hours after he has gone to bed) for his pee - which he does - and then I slide him back in bed (as we are still co sleeping)...and then I wake up with a dry bed in the morning! hehe - I was not having to do that before, but he is needing that little extra help from me at the moment! hehe

2). Bach flower remedies! They really do help and there is a mixture for all sorts. I get mine from a friend, my own supplier (who also happens to sell on ebay) and from Holland&Barrets (a health food type store here) - I am sure you can find them easily somewhere there and/or on the internet (good old internet!)! - They sort of help balance our inner selves and take the edge off things! More about them here!

They might really help you both during this time!

3). Not that I know what I am talking about - but if you think they have her in nappies at their house, I would be talking with them about that. If she is potty learned, there is no need to keep her in nappies and that can be really confusing and frustrating for a child! I would be telling them she needs to be in her pants (and not nappies) and that if she has a miss that it is okay and to just clean it up (and how else to respond to that). Leave her familiar potty there - it might help her be more confortable about going somewhere else. (I had to carry around our red bjorn potty with us for some time with DS as he would not go anywhere else! lol)

 

[BabyBearsMummy]

Ann thank you I will give your advice a try.

DD is currently on her overnight with ex. She appeared to be getting back on track with her potty learning the past two days but there were still a lot of accidents. I am holding out hope that this time things will go better.