Potty Learning

Jish · Feb 4, 2002

We didn't even start until my ds was three. A few weeks after his b-day we started having "naked mornings" and he did fine while he was naked. We also asked him to sit on it before bath, but most of the time he didn't have any results. 
I am a firm believer that most things our children do developmentally are sort of predetermined in their brains. We can encourage our children to walk by giving them walkers, holding their hands and coaxing them to walk to us, but in the end they won't do it until THEY are ready. We simply amuse/frustrate ourselves trying to get them to do it sooner. I think the same is true for potty training. I think my son had a certain age predetermined in his brain as to when he would potty train. I could have started encouraging it when he was two, but I don't think that he would have fully trained any sooner. I would only have succeded in frustrating myself for a year. Most of my friends and I waited until our children were at or near their third birthdays, and we all though it was much easier than people tell you potty training will be. I had a few friends who began training when their children were two, and they always complained about it and talked about how miserable potty training was, and how long it took. My step sister was one of these. She started training her neice (who is five days older than my ds) when she turned two, I waited until ds was three. My ds was urine trained in one month and poop trained in three months. My neice was fully potty trained two months ago -- after more than a year and a half of frustration for my step sister, and my son was trained months before her daughter. 
Just food for thought. If you follow your dd's lead, you will do just fine.

glad2bemama · Feb 4, 2002

You know, it was interesting, because I was so comfortable with letting my son " lead the way " with co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and just about everything. But potty training I did worry about. 
All of my friends started a little before 2. And I bought the small potty and everything, but he told me " no way. I like diapers! " There was no changing his mind. We even tried naked days in the summer at home, but he did not like that either and became very upset when he had to go and wet himself. 
Then I bought some cute little potty books-- like " Sam's Potty " and " Everbody Poops " and a " Kermit Uses the Potty ." And he liked these, but it wasn't until I bought him... gasp... "The What to Expect When You are Using the Potty " book that he really got it. He is very technical. Once he understood where the toilet paper and water went after they were flushed and how and why our body makes waste-- he was all set. 
The next day he used the potty and has never had an accident. He was 3 years old. 
I guess the moral of the story is that I believe that you can guide them a little, but children do it ( as with all things ) when they are ready. 
Good luck!!! Now, it will be interesting to see what happens with my second...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">

Trentonsmom · Feb 5, 2002

This is the one I have - no bells and whistles, easy to clean, perfect for my little one. 
Chelly 
DS Trenton 8/9/19 <div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Originally posted by lilyka <a href="http://store.babycenter.com/product/safety_health_and_babycare/potty_training/3061" target="_blank">http://store.babycenter.com/product/..._training/3061</a> 
This is the one I was talking about. I have also seen them in the shape of animals and dragons.</td>
</tr></table></div>

Galen · Feb 5, 2002

Hi: 
My son is almost 3 years old, and shows absolutely NO desire to ever wear anything but his pull-ups. He knows how to hold it, and direct the flow- but will not go into the potty. It is very frustrating, but I guess that he will deign to let us mere mortals (his parents) when he is ready to use the potty!!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">: 
He will start to use it eventually, so just go with the flow (no pun intended)and don't push it too much!! If I get too insistent about something, Dylan gets VERY hard-headed and stubborn. 
Good luck! 
Galen

Jish · Feb 6, 2002

We got the one that has the stars on the bottom that change color when they pee on them. I can't remember who makes it. It might be Fisher Price, or Playskool.It was actually our second chair that we picked up at a second hand store because the first one was a pain in the a** to empty. Make sure what ever you get has the easy to empty cup. I checked out that second Baby Bjorn seat, but it would be nearly impossible to rinse out in our bathroom sink, and I really didn't want to rinse urine out in my kitchen sink. My son also didn't begin training until he was three, and although he is average size, some pottys don't have a very wide base and he would tip when he sat down on them (at friends houses and such.) The one with the stars has a really wide base and is very sturdy, although I do wish it were a bit higher, but my ds didn't mind sitting so low. 
With boys, beware of that splash guard that comes with it. It seems like a great idea, but OUCH if they sit wrong, or catch their little unit on it when they stand up. My son loved it when the stars changed colors. He also enjoyed emptying the cup into the big toilet himself. The only negative with potty chairs with boys is that they have to sit so far back on the seat so that they can hold their penis down, that if they have to poop and they don't scoot forward, they wind up pooping on the back of the seat and it squishes up around them. It was an incident like this that resulted in my ds taking two months longer to poop train than urine train. 
The added bonus was that when he began standing at the big potty it made a great stepstool for him. It put him at just the right height.

Trentonsmom · Feb 8, 2002

The going naked is a good idea - but right now its too cold. There is nothing more frustrating than an excited 30 month old, who wants to keep taking the diaper off. 
I let my son run around with nothing on when its warm enough, otherwise we just put a diaper on unless he asks to go potty. 
I hope it warms up soon, cause I think he's ready for one or two days intense "training"...... 
Has anyone done it in one or two days? I've heard there is a book about that somewhere....... 
Chelly 
DS Trenton 8/19/99

simonee · Feb 8, 2002

The average male lives almost 80 years nowadays. With a little luck you'll witness 60 of them. 
Only 3 or 4 or 5 of those will be spent in diapers (OK barring a few at the end maybe <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">), and the rest of the time you'll think back on how cute it was. Really, in the long run one or even two extra years doesn't matter at all. 
I've heard that it's a lot of hassle to get your newly trained kid on the potty whenever s/he feels the urge. That's why I don't mind at all that my 2 1/2 year old daughter shows no interest whatsoever, even though she's always been into running around naked. When she has to go, she simply asks for a diaper ~ LOL. And we can do outside things for more than half an hour at a time... 
I've also heard that kids who were a little forced to pottytrain are more likely to become bedwetters, which can cause a lot of embarrassment for the kid at an age where that counts. It's better to use embarrassment to your advantage: I don't doubt that the day will come where he simply decides he doesn't want to be a "baby" anymore. And maybe switch within a day! 
Just let him do what he wants. Eventually he'll want to get rid of the diapers. And if not, bite me! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

cobluegirl · Feb 9, 2002

We are trying the potty training thing too. Somedays I do great and take him to the toilet on a regular basis but days I don't want to take the time and he won't tell me so....I guess it will wait. I would really like to have him out of diapers since I have two in them but.....maybe I will potty train them together...LOL 
I had a lady tell me that her boys were way easier to train because they can pee in things like jars and stuff. When they were out she always had jars for them to pee in when they weren't near a toilet she would use the jars and then just empty them when she was somewhere where she could. She had both her boys trained by 2 yo. I found this whole story very frustrating....we haven't even tried to show him that he can pee standing up. I would rather him pee sitting down...let mess but I guess if standing up helps I will get dh to show him how to do it...that might be a challenge because he doesn't even like me in the room when he is peeing

Jackalyn · Feb 13, 2002

Good evening Moms, 
What great comments. 
My daughter is 2 1/2 and has no interest in using the potty unless I let her wipe herself 10 times. There is this big amazement with wiping and flushing. 
Here is a laugh. One day I put her on the potty. We read four potty books, twenty minutes later, I finally gave up and put her down in the hallway went to get her a diaper, she went pee on the carper, retrieve some tp, wiped herself, scrubbed the floor with some new tp, threw the tp in the toliet, flushed the toliet, and clapped and said potty mommy. What a riotic. 
I have given up on the pressures on toliet training. It is amazing how many of my friends, family, strangers think that potty training is a race. Just let the child breath for god sakes. 
I have told Audrey that when she wants to go on the potty let me know. I ask her frequently some weeks she will get on it but never go it and some weeks she says no. 
So I am being patient and not stressing her out or myself. Thanks for all the encouragement from the ones who know how to nuture our gifts without competition. 
Thanks, 
Jackalyn

Bambalily · Mar 6, 2002

Just out of curiosity, for those of you who's babes have already potty trained or are in the process, how did you get started? How easy/hard was it to get them to sit on the potty and try to go? First time? Subsequent times? How much do you twist their arms if they really don't want to do it? How old were they when they began, and how long did it take?

almost40mama · Mar 7, 2002

how did you get started? 
We just started about two weeks ago. About 6-8 months ago, we bought one of those stand alone potty seats, so dd could get used to seeing it. We talked about what it was, and she enjoyed sitting on it (fully clothed) and pretending she was peeing. I also purchased a couple of books for dd, "Everyone Poops," "My Potty Book," and "The Gas We Pass" (though that one really isn't very helpful for toiled learning...it's just funny as hell). How easy/hard was it to get them to sit on the potty and try to go? 
It was relatively easy to get her to sit because she was used to sitting on her little potty, and she was used to seeing dh and I sit on the toilet because we always leave the door open for her. In retrospect, I should have never purchased the little potty. It turned out to be confusing for dd. We ended up buying a small seat that fits on the toilet, and a stool so dd can climb up herself and sit without falling in. First time? 
The first time she actually peed in the toiled she was very excited. The excitement seemed to die down with subsequent visits to the bathroom. We started a "sticker" system whereby everytime she pees in the pot, she gets to choose a sticker and stick it to a posterboard in her room. She loves this and it seems to be good incentive for her. How much do you twist their arms if they really don't want to do it? 
I don't twist her arm AT ALL. If she says she doesn't want to go, we don't make an issue of it...if she pees or poops in her pull-up or underpants, oh well. I figure that sooner or later she'll just realize that it's more comfortable to have dry underpants. I don't want to pressure her because I think that would make the whole learning experience backfire. How old were they when they began, and how long did it take? 
dd is 2.5, and we just started two weeks ago. I think it's going to take a few more weeks with her. Just a couple of days ago she started saying, "I don't want to be a big girl, I'm a baby." She's also started asking me to feed her, something which she hasn't done since she was about 1.5. I can tell she's feeling the pressure of growing up, and that's related to the whole toileting process. We are still encouraging her to use the pot, but like I said, we're not pushing at all. She'll use it about half the time, which is just fine. Actually, last night she had her first poop in the toilet...we partied down! She was very proud of herself. 
I'm finding that patience and no pressure is the key for us. It'll happen sooner or later. 
Hope that helps! Feel free to PM me if you want to more about what we're doing. 
Good luck, 
Marilee

kazmir · Mar 7, 2002

My DD is 22 months and we also bought a potty in November to get her used to the idea. Same as Almost40mama we let dd watch us on the toilet and she loved to sit on it and pretend to grunt and pee. She loved toilet paper the best, always had to wipe even if she was fully clothed. 
A couple of weeks ago I was on the tiolet and dd undressed herself, sat down and actually peed! It was great. Now I dress her so she can get undressed by herself - although she does it when she isnt' in the potty too. 
At daycare last week she poo'd in potty after being naked in the pool for a while. 
So it is starting! 
Now I try to encourage her by letting her run around naked in the evenings and asking her if she has to go potty occasionally. I also want to put her on the potty in the am and at night before bed to encourage her..... 
Whoppee!!!! 
Good luck! 
Robin

dotcommama · Mar 7, 2002

I have two ds 4yrs and 20mos. My 4yr old is potty trained, although he still has accidents at night. 
How did you get started? We bought a potty when he was around a year and a half. We just sort of left it out for him to try whenever he felt like it. We put him on it before bath time and encourage him to use it then. The rest of the day if he happened to ask to use it we would, if he was sucessful we clapped and made a big fuss - but that's it. We didn't really try hard to potty train until he was about age 3 
How easy/hard was it to get them to sit on the potty and try to go? 
First time? IMO it was so easy at first b/c he thought it was fun and different. After awhile it wasn't so new and interesting anymore it got harder 
How much do you twist their arms if they really don't want to do it? Well. . .by 3 when he still wasn't showing an interest I started to push him. First we tried a sticker chart and that worked for a few days until he got bored with it. Then we tried bribery with candy, that also worked for a few days until he got bored with it. Finally we just gave up on pushing him and when he was ready (around age 3 1/2) he said he wanted to wear "big boy underwear" and has rarely had an accident during the day since. 
I think what I learned was my child was not going to potty learn until he was darn well ready no matter what I did. This time around I'm going to just wait until my ds shows me he wants to do it and not worry about how old he is or if every other child his age is already trained. 
LMK

SoHappy · Mar 7, 2002

We put the potty out when ds was 1 and just let him play with it. He'd take apart the pieces, play with it, carry it into the living room, etc. We also left the door to the bathroom open and he watched everything we did. We talked about what was happening. We always made sure that pee and poop weren't considered "gross" -- some people make faces and talk about how stinky it is, etc. We didn't want him to think there was something wrong with peeing or pooping. 
I think the cloth diapers (knowing when he was wet) and early comfort with the potty contributed to his early potty training -- he started when he was 18 months and was staying dry by 2. We let him do it on his own at first, and sometimes gave him stickers as a reward, but never as a bribe.

kama'aina mama · Mar 7, 2002

I am curious about all this as well. DD is 18 months and this morning she was still in her nightgown but in a fresh diaper. She took the diaper off and peed on the floor. She had enough sense not to do it on the sofa or the rug, but on the wood, so I didn't even care much. I just don't know what it means. Does she want to be out of diapers? Was it a fluke? I didn't expect to be giving any of this a thought for at least six months but...

Bambalily · Mar 7, 2002

Thanks for your very detailed answers. Our son is almost 3, and is one of those who has almost no interest in using the potty. Lately we've seen a lot of our friends with younger kids much farther along in the process, and we've been feeling the pressure to catch up. DH has been convinced that the only reason our son is so slow at potty training is because we are too lax with him, and the idea that we must get him to sit on the potty no matter how stubborn he his has been stressing all of us out. It's also hard because DS has always been a very heavy wetter, frequent and messy pooper, and prone to rashes and skin infections. Getting him out of diapers would just solve so many annoyances that are only getting worse as he gets bigger. 
I have been looking for ways to explain that other kids train earlier because they *want* to, and that if kids don't want to, it's counterproductive to try to make them.

4cuddlebugs · Mar 7, 2002

What kind of diapers is he in? My daughter, now 10, was REALLY hard to potty train, she was in disposables from about a year old. I tried to force it with her and honestly it backfired for YEARS! I do not think that forcing the issue is ever the answer. I think it just causes the child to be more defiant about it and frustrates the parent to no end. 
My son Stone is almost 4 and was potty efficient at 25 mths. Still is. He was in cloth and a friend of mine suggested her method of letting him run around naked. I kept his potty in an easy to get to area, let him run around naked at home, and let it go. He wore a diaper when we left home but mostly was bare bottomed at home(it was May/June). He would wet himself and it would run down his legs, and there were a couple of times he slipped on the linoleum floor and fell. When this happened we would Not make a big deal, just mentioned it was messy, 'that must have hurt when you fell, the floor is slippery when it its wet', and 'if you want your potty is right here, I don't like to see you slip and fall' I know that maybe it seems mean to let him fall, but it gave him a natural consequence, along with feeling wet, and the initiative to try getting it to the potty next time. We did this for about a month. 
He yelled at me one day, we were going out, that he did not want to wear a diaper. I asked if he would like to try the big boy undies we had bought, but that meant he would need to get his peepee in the potty. He said "Ya, ya, ya!" We put the diapers away for him that day. He had a few minor accidents, because the bathroom was far away at the store etc. but that was it. He really liked the feel of the undies compared to a bulky cloth diaper. 
Obviously, the naked method works better in the warmer months, but spring is coming. My feeling is that if they don't feel the sensation of the running down the legs, and know that it is taken care of for me, there is no need to change anything. 
Does he have any friends that are younger but using the potty? 
Maybe spending time seeing others his age liking it? 
I do not think that forcing the issue is ever a good idea, My daughter and I learned the hard way. She still wets the bed sometimes and was always a heavy wetter. Gentle persuasion and incredible excitement at ANY success, even just sitting on the potty pants on. 
I guess my method will come to test this summer as I am planning on encouraging my youngest, 2 on the 23rd of this month, to use the potty. Of course he has a big brother to show him the way. 
I wish you much luck and succes in whatever you try. I know how frustrated you must feel. 
To naked bumms, I say! 
Kelli

Bambalily · Mar 7, 2002

DS is in cloth diapers. He absolutely won't run around naked, unfortunately. (He won't even let his feet touch the floor without wearing socks.) Perhaps the summer will change his mind, but I'm not too hopefull - I remember last summer struggling with him over wanting to wear socks when it wasn't practical, and that he hates the feel of grass. Maybe I'll just have to try letting him wet 8 pairs of pants a day. 
Most of the kids he plays with are between 2.5 and 3 years old. The girl closest to his age has been wearing underwear for about 6 months now. Most of his other friends are pretty well along in using the potty at least at home, and some away from home too. I guess that peer pressure hasn't really hit yet.

Corriander · Mar 7, 2002

My ds is now 18 months. When he was 15 months we got the potty down from the closet just to see what he would think about it. He ignored it the first day. The second day after he finished brushing his teeth I casually said, "now is time to pee in the potty." He sat right down and peed! I have never been so surprised and excited in all my life. He was so excited that he ran out to tell his dad. Then he came back in, sat down and peed again, and ran out to babble at daddy. This happened EIGHT times until he had to strain to make one little drop. It was obvious that he knew which muscles to use. 
From then on he has gone without clothes from the waist down when we are at home. There were some accidents at first. I didn't make a big deal about it, just walked him to the potty. We used to keep the potty in whatever room we were in, now it stays in the bathroom. Now he says, "I pee pee," whenever he needs to go. He just started pooping consistently in the potty just after breakfast which is so exciting! 
BTW, I don't even try to undress him on days when he is extremely cranky or sick. I don't want the potty to become any kind of issue so I just avoid it when it looks like it might be difficult. I made the mistake of really forcing my daughter (we didn't start training her until she was over 2) and getting mad when she had accidents. Some day I need to apologize to her for all the mistakes we have made on her because she was the first! 
Today is the first day that I sent him to parents morning out with waterproof cloth training pants so we'll see how he does. 
It's definately a process. IMO it is better to start early and have low expectations. Even if you never do EC, I think that most kids have a bit of an aversion to sitting around in a web diaper and would rather be dry. If you wait until they are 3 to even initiate it, then they may just get used to being wet. This is just in my experience. Another thing about starting early is that if they are trained before 2, then it is one less "terrible" two control issue for you to battle over.

Bambalily · Mar 7, 2002

I don't want to sound defensive, but starting this late wasn't our choice either. I actually experimented with elimination timing when he was just a few months old and immediately gave it up as soon as it became apparent that he was terrified of being held over a recepticle to pee. The potty has been in our bathroom since he was about 18 months old, and until Christmas he wouldn't have anything to do with it (except to take it apart and wear the removable bowl on his head.) 
As his parents, it's hard to keep in mind that this is his issue, not ours. That we didn't cause him to be like this. At least not yet (I hope)...

Potty Learning

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