[Dr.Worm]

Hi, I am soooo mad. Julia has been peeing pretty good in the potty lately but she doesn't usually poop there..she goes in her pull-up or diaper. Now I admit that dh(dork husband)John isn't the only one who has been irritated. I also have found myself getting that way..especially considering it's usually me who cleans the poop. Anyway...I went out last night and when I got home John told me that he made Julia stand in the corner for pooping in her diaper. We never agreed to that. We were outside when he told me. John and I were on the porch and Julie was in the yard playing with the dog. I tried to be calm but told him that is mean. He said I can do what I want about it when I'm with her. I think this is just wrong...what do you all think I should do? He doesn't even care what I think.

 

[Arduinna]

How old is she?

Anyway, I agree with you, not only is it wrong to make her stand in the corner but it isn't going to improve things. He is acting as if she is breaking a rule or disobeying and standing in the corner for that would be unacceptable to me too. Sounds like he needs an education on child development. Personally if he is going to treat her like that and refuses to treat her right I wouldn't allow him to be the sole care provider for her. I'd make other arrangements. I'd give him the opportunity to do it differently if he was sincere and not just telling you what you want to hear.

for him

 

[Barefoot Farmer]

I second that. Have you two talked about your parenting styles lately? Maybe you two need to come to agreement about how to handle certain situations so that your daughter is getting the same response for the same behavior? Best of luck.

 

[PikkuMyy]

If she is old enough to ask for a pull up diaper, she's old enough to poop in it in the bathroom. That's where she should be, NOT in the corner!

 

[hummingbear]

Yup I'd be mad too. Definitely talk together. IMHO punitive efforts are totally ineffective, nay, counterproductive teaching aids. I recently read a story of a woman whose mother was traumatised just being made to sit until she went potty.

 

[Dr.Worm]

Thanks, guys. She is four. His big concern is that next year she will be in kindergarten and the teacher won't be allowing diapers/pull-ups but that's still no excuse for punishment. I agree that we need to talk. It's hard cause we rarely see each other...he works from 5 am to about 5:30 and when he's here he's sleeping or whatever. Maybe we can have a date nex weekend and discuss this. It just makes me mad. I will not stand for this. Thanks for the support.

 

[Rainbow]

umm- basically (IMO) he's just making it out to be a more negative experience.

I would just clean it up.

At another point, another time I would talk with Julia *casually* that pretty soon she is going to be so big she won't need pull ups anymore. She'll get to pick out any character/style of panties she wants, isn't that exciting! And you might even add in "When you're big enough to poop on the potty you'll be big enough to get___" (big girl toy she loves/wants) or "big enough to do______" (something she's always wanted to do)

Charts- stars- every time you poop on the potty you get a star on your chart.

I reccomend proactive measures instead of reactive measures. IMO they work so much better for helping children along with natural functions. IMO reactive things only work with actual hurtful behaviour "when you hit your friends we have to leave to keep them safe"

Also, you might want to talk to Julia about it- ask her if there is some reason she lieks the pull up better. Is pooping scarry to her? Ask her if there is anything you can do to help her remember to poop in the potty. Ask her if she would like a book about it (everybody poops or something- even make one with her) Ask her if she would like a special seat for hte potty (Malia has a Dora potty LOL). Find out what is going on and what she thinks and listen to her.

 

[Rainbow]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr.Worm His big concern is that next year she will be in kindergarten and the teacher won't be allowing diapers/pull-ups

But with this school of thought I coudl say "Well, I'm going to go back to work next year anyway so I better start weaning now" There is SO MUCH growth in a simple year. I truly think if you take some proactive measures and a positive approach she will be there in time for school.

Another thing is to allow her to throw out her pull ups when she is ready. Or explain that once this package runs out we aren't buying anymore and each time you use one you can count them and tlak about how they are almost gone. Give her time to adjust to the idea. buy actual diapers for overnight if you still need them, so she can see you actually are done buying pull-ups. Once the pull ups aren't in the house maybe she will actually start using the potty- just try and keep it positive and referred to as a GREAT thing. Include her as much as you can on teh decision making of when to transition and how to make the transition happy.

Also, I would explain that you and daddy feel it is important to learn to poop on the potty by next year for school. That daddy felt frustrated, and used punishment. That you guys feel bad for using negative punishment for a natural function- that you just want to help her. Ask her to help you think of ways to make it easier for her.

ok, gotta go!

 

[hummingbear]

I've heard stories of children who learn mighty fast when they understand that there are things they must be able to do in order to ...... (insert any activity that they want to experience!)

I agree with poster who said "There is SO MUCH growth in a simple year."

Good Luck