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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have the most resistant child on the face of this earth. She is absolutely refusing to sit on the potty, trying to rip the panties off. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?<br><br>
Everyone said to wait. Everyone said she'd go in it eventually. Everyone said once I gave in and decided she was going to be in diapers forever she'd potty train. That was a year ago that I gave up!<br><br>
She's a little over a month from turning FOUR and still happily in diapers. She's old enough to know when she pees and when she poops, she demands changes at those times. I've come to the point where I am just putting her in panties (with the potty nearby at all times) and telling her she can either pee in her pants or pee on the potty (I of course do not punish for peeing in her pants and change her right away). I don't know what else to do. I've never even heard of a child who was this resistant.<br><br>
And yes, I have tried every bribe imaginable. I've made it fun, we've sung songs, we've watched potty videos. It seems like the harder I try, the more she resists. It's a battle of wills at this point and I am at a loss for what to do. I once tried the let her sit on the potty for short intervals after she drinks something method? Three hours later she still had not gone, and started begging for a diaper. Eventually she peed on the floor.<br><br>
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!<br><br>
ETA: Now she is wearing the panties willingly and willingly sitting on her potty every half hour or so when I ask her to. I don't know what made her change her mind, but I'm glad she's more cooperative now. Toddlers make no sense sometimes.<br><br>
ETA 2: it figures when I resign myself to a fight that she would FINALLY PEE IN THE POTTY!!!!! We're not out of the woods yet, but it looks like it may not be as uphill of a battle as I thought. I knew she was ready. I just knew.
 

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My second child did not potty train until 4 1/4. He had absolutely no interest (despite EC'ing as an infant!). But eventually it did happen.<br>
Maybe you've been spending too much time trying to force the issue. Lay off for a month or two and keep her in diapers, then mention it again and see if she's ready.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>veganf</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12358922"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My second child did not potty train until 4 1/4. He had absolutely no interest (despite EC'ing as an infant!). But eventually it did happen.<br>
Maybe you've been spending too much time trying to force the issue. Lay off for a month or two and keep her in diapers, then mention it again and see if she's ready.</div>
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I tried that. I've been doing that. I only JUST started really trying this morning. I've been laying off and laying off and laying off and laying off. THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
 

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I've known children not to be ready at that age. If she doesn't want to wear panties, how about commando? She will probably pee and poop on the floor for a few days even if she is almost ready.
 

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My DD is a little younger than yours, but we just went through this. It may not be the popular opinion around here, but I couldn't ignore it anymore. I took away all the diapers, put her potty in the middle of the living room where she spends 90% of her awake time, and kept her naked, lol. Only a couple of pee accidents later and she is now fully potty trained, she is even dry at night. I'll admit, she got MAD (no crying, just PO'd at us) the first 30 minutes or so after I told her no more pull ups, but she got over it and she is so proud of herself now.<br><br>
You know your child best. I knew with my DD that ignoring anything does not work, and I knew she was ready.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nichole</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12359242"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I've known children not to be ready at that age. If she doesn't want to wear panties, how about commando? She will probably pee and poop on the floor for a few days even if she is almost ready.</div>
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Commando would be fine with me I suppose. It's not the panty wearing that bugs her. It's that she wants a diaper. When we first bought panties she was more than happy to wear them until she realized what happens if she pees in them. So I don't think it's the panties themselves but just the fact that they're not diapers. She's happy to wear training pants, but again, those are basically diapers.<br><br>
How do you know the difference between a child who is truly not ready and one who is just being stubborn? Jane has been known to be stubborn just for the sake of being stubborn. Like she'll say no to something she wants just to say no (like when she's in a bad mood while we are running errands and we offer her a treat, and she says no just to be contrary and state her unhappiness).<br><br>
However, I will say she's been late with almost all her milestones, so it didn't surprise me she turned out to be a late potty trainer at all. I really have been very lax about it all, just figured she'd eventually want to do it. But she truly has ALL the signs of readiness: can hold it for hours and goes at will (she will often sit on the potty for a bit, go diaper less for awhile, then ask for a diaper when she has to go). She tells me as soon as she pees or poops and wants to be changed promptly. She has had a handful of successful potties in the past (pee only). She can pull her pants up/down by herself. She has enough verbal skills to communicate needs.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ScootchsMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12359323"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My DD is a little younger than yours, but we just went through this. It may not be the popular opinion around here, but I couldn't ignore it anymore. I took away all the diapers, put her potty in the middle of the living room where she spends 90% of her awake time, and kept her naked, lol. Only a couple of pee accidents later and she is now fully potty trained, she is even dry at night. I'll admit, she got MAD (no crying, just PO'd at us) the first 30 minutes or so after I told her no more pull ups, but she got over it and she is so proud of herself now.<br><br>
You know your child best. I knew with my DD that ignoring anything does not work, and I knew she was ready.</div>
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I'd let her go naked but she complains that she's cold. So panties and easy-to-pull-down pants it is.<br><br>
I did try that method before in the past, but only for like half a day, and I got the feeling she wasn't emotionally ready, so I went back to just letting her take the lead and put her in diapers. Now I am pretty sure she is ready. I have the potty out in the living room too. Every 20 minutes or so I have her sit in it for 3-4 minutes. She is at least agreeing to sit on it now. And I promised her a lollipop if she goes in it, plus a toy of her choice if she goes in it 20 times.
 

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I don't have any good advice, just wanted to commisserate. Potty training rivals lack of sleep IMO as 'least favorite part of parenting ever'.<br><br>
We have been 'working on it' for a year and some months. He would go a couple times then lose interest. We tried like all the 'methods' I knew about. We tried being nonchalant and straight forward about it bc its something everyone does. We tried making a big, stinkin praising deal of it. We tried bribing. We tried rewarding. (the only thing we DIDN'T try and refused to was punishing/shaming/negative reinforcement type stuff). We did the potty drills from how to train a child in a day book (didn't read it, but heard from ppl how to). When we were on a 'potty kick' I asked him nonstop if he had to go (yes, driving us BOTH bonkers!). We put him in unders, took dipes away and took him every 15 min. Or when he had just woken up. Or eaten. Or had something to drink. Or looked funny. LOL. You get the point.<br><br>
Just this past month, I tried one new thing. I told him it was his body and I couldn't control it and if he had to go, there was the toilet and if he wanted help getting pants on/off or getting on/off potty I would love to help him, but I wasn't going to ask him if he had to go bc he was in charge of his body and how it felt. There were a couple accidents, we didn't go straight to unders, (and we used candy for a treat when he went) but something I never thought would EVER happen (I have friends who's kids were in diapers till 4/almost 5) DID--its been a month and he is basically day trained. He wears underwear. He either takes himself or asks for help when he feels he has to go. He can hold it for hours. He can go on command.<br><br>
I am so happy I can't even describe it. After trying like once a month for over a year, we finally hit on a time when he was ready and motivated, and was open to the way I approached it. In the meantime, I had to deal with a lot of my own worries about what people thought, and things people said about him being too old to be in diapers <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> and some of my own fears of criticism regarding my parenting.<br><br>
So, just wanted to comment with support as someone who is newly on the other side of this issue. It will happen! Eventually! You will even begin to forget how bad it was where you are right now. Hugs, mama...<br><br>
Added: He will be 3 next month.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
But...your child eventually trained a full year before mine has. *sigh* I know all children are different, but I feel like it's just TIME. And of course yes, enormous pressure from pretty much everyone to train her. It feels like they think it's my fault.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Looks like you've discovered one of the tricks of life--complain about something on MDC (kid behavior, not being in labor, etc) and BOOM! it changes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
I try to complain before things really bother me now, it saves time.<br><br>
Good luck with the rest of the potty learning experience, sounds like she's definitely ready to go.
 

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It's the birthday. DD is a sod with PLing too (flatly refuses to poo in a potty) and she's 26/11/05 <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"> Gotta be.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>flapjack</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12360810"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It's the birthday. DD is a sod with PLing too (flatly refuses to poo in a potty) and she's 26/11/05 <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"> Gotta be.</div>
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<br>
That's funny. Mine is 11/25/05, and she flat out refuses to go in the potty, too. A day away, yet still so close. Maybe it's the time difference.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Talula Fairie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12358743"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">...<br><br>
ETA: Now she is wearing the panties willingly and willingly sitting on her potty every half hour or so when I ask her to. I don't know what made her change her mind, but I'm glad she's more cooperative now. Toddlers make no sense sometimes.<br><br>
ETA 2: it figures when I resign myself to a fight that she would FINALLY PEE IN THE POTTY!!!!! We're not out of the woods yet, but it looks like it may not be as uphill of a battle as I thought. I knew she was ready. I just knew.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> Congratulations!!! Sounds like a long, rough road but you are almost over the mountain!!!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: so true, so true
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12360291"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Looks like you've discovered one of the tricks of life--complain about something on MDC (kid behavior, not being in labor, etc) and BOOM! it changes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
I try to complain before things really bother me now, it saves time.<br><br>
Good luck with the rest of the potty learning experience, sounds like she's definitely ready to go.</div>
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There is an argument for every kind of parenting decision, and one of the arguments for transitioning to full waking potty use for children before age 24 months or so is that children 18-24 months are rarely resistant.<br><br>
The "signs of readiness" to toilet transition published by mainstream sources are not cut in stone either. My children PL'd before they could, for example, pull down their own pants.<br><br>
I personally did not transition until about 3.5 because my mother didn't want to push past my toddler resistance. I do, however, successfully toilet now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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We've just finally had success....it took a few trials and I'd lay off if something big disrupted his life or he just didn't seem ready. Then things calmed down a bit and I realized that he was outgrowing his diapers and I don't want to make larger ones. He's very big for his age and I don't think I could buy them.<br><br>
Anyway, I banished diapers for a few days save for naps and overnights. If he made a mess he had to go get the towels and clean it, put the towels in the laundry, change his own clothes, etc. I think he got tired of having to clean up after himself.<br><br>
Also, I find things that usually excite him like going outside or going shopping and he has to do a "big pee" before we go out, it usually motivates him. That's usually how I get him to pick up his toys too. LOL<br><br>
I find when I lay off giving him responsibility he gets more irritated, throws more tantrums and is less agreeable. If I have him help a lot, give him chores and make him pull some of his weight he really comes around and acts like such a big boy. Maybe she needs other things to help her feel like a big girl....special chores or tasks to do to "help you" or pick up after herself, etc. It might change her mindset a little bit and make her want to do something like use the potty. I dunno, kind of reaching, but it seems to help DS.<br><br>
Good luck!
 
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