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My 4 1/2 year old son is not fully potty trained. I think it is a case of him being stubborn. If I leave him naked, he always makes it to the toilet to poop & pee. However, if he is wearing underwear - he pees and poops in them. I'm sure he understands his bodies signals.

I haven't tried rewards (at least not in the last year). One reason is because of his twin & older sister. I'm not sure how to reward him for going to the potty without having to reward everyone. Any thoughts on how rewards would work when the other kids are trained?

In a way, I would just like to let him figure it out on his own. However his dad wants the boy potty trained and dad gets upset with his accidents. I would just like to be through with it so I didn't have to deal with that dynamic.

I'm all ears, if you have any advice

Thanks
 

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What happens when he poops and pees in his underwear? Does he clean himself, or do you do it for him?
 

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My ds had a difficult time learning to go to the bathroom until we figured out that if we let him go without underwear he was absolutely successful... even at night! Each time he had an accident it was with the underwear... So he goes without underwear. After 5+ months he's just now trying out underwear.

Not that it would work for you, but have you tried having your ds wear his pants/shorts without underwear.

As for rewards, we started rewards, but he was hard to motivate that way and it can get expensive. But when I did get some good prizes he enjoyed getting them. I set it up that he could only get them when he peed or pooped, and he could pick what he wanted for either. Then once he had the peeing figured out (no accidents) then I reserved the remaining prizes for being successful with the poop. And he would only get them if he remembered or wanted one. If he wanted one and did what was required he got one. If he went and didn't ask for one then I didn't bring it up. It seems that way he hasn't been too obsessed or controlled by them.

I've also heard that you need to be supportive of the accidents. I don't know that anyone likes them, and I know for myself that I get upset when they happen. I just take a deep breath and tell him we'll clean it up. If you can get your dp to not react to the accidents that might take the pressure off too. Sometimes there's so much pressure... but if you don't have it figured out it can seem super difficult... so it's like wanting to do something that you're just not physically able to do.

I have cousins that are twins, and their mom has learned that even though they are twins that they actually are different developmentally. Keep being supportive and offer love and reassurance; it will happen
 
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